The only thing I did when we stopped was get off and get lost. There was no way I was going to even try to talk to Sokka or Katara, and I just found a room and walked right in, shutting the door behind me. I didn't bother to talk to anyone. I didn't talk to Aang, who Katara had taken aside to talk to. Sokka walked away from everybody and disappeared someone, his face tight with anger. I was afraid, for the first time. Really afraid.
I watched through the window as Aang listened patiently, and then looked up at Katara, his eyes wide, and then at me through the window. I stepped back so fast, I knocked over a glass. It crashed to the floor, and I fell to my knees, cleaning the pieces with my bare hands. A piece, ironically, cut my thumb, and I just waterbended the rest of the water, unsure what to do with it. My hands felt weak.
I didn't know I was crying until I tasted salt on my lips. In a burst of anger, I slammed the water against the nearest wall and collapsed on the old, dusty bed, curling up in a ball. My heart ached, and suddenly I missed her. The mother who left me. The one whose face I couldn't remember at all. And then I realized there was only one thing I could do to let go of everything. There was only one thing I could do that I always did when I was mad at Gran because she brought home tuna instead of salmon.
So I stood up, and found my way outside.
"Where are you going?" Toph asked, feeling my footsteps.
"I'm just going to go somewhere," I replied, trying not to choke on my words.
"Hey, you know I'm here for you," Toph said, and I immediately knew that the news had reached her.
"I know, Toph." I couldn't talk anymore. I walked past her, past Aang, past Katara, past Sokka, and kept on going. When I was alone, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I braced myself, standing straight, and pushed my hands outward. The flames exploded from my fingertips, and suddenly I felt relief. Kicking fire, punching fire . . . the trees exploded in fire, and I felt so much better. I was on my knees, my hands gripping the grass, my hair loose and all over my face as the wind mussed it up. Fire was my relief, never water. Never. I was wrong. Even though I could bend two elements, I always wanted to be someone I wasn't. I bent fire until my arms and legs ached, and sweat ran down my back. I would never stop. I wouldn't give up.
And then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I froze, my chest rising and falling heavily. I slowly turned around. Seeing Sokka was unexpected.
"You should put out those fires," he said over the roaring, and so I helped nature put them out and I walked away from Sokka. He stopped me again. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes. "It's not your fault." he said. Bewildered, I looked at him. "I mean, Katara isn't mad at you. She's mad at all the secrets our mom kept from us."
"It shocked me more," I laughed weakly.
"I bet. How did you find out?" he asked, motioning me to sit in front of him.
"Azula," I whispered. "She told me at the end, right before the invasion."
"Ouch," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "And . . . Zuko?"
"Please . . . " I put a hand up. "I don't ever want to talk about him again."
He nodded, respectfully. We sat there for a long time, just enjoying the view, and I noticed how much older he looked. His jokes were once his personality; now they were a mask to hide his hardened self behind.
"You know," he finally broke the silence, "I can't even see her face when I think about her anymore."
"Your—our—mother?"
"All I imagine is Katara's face. She's taken care of me for as long as I remember. That's why, I guess, I'm not as angry as she is."
I ran a hand through my hair, which had grown so long since I'd left my home. Since the day this all started.
"Sometimes I regret having left," I said, putting a hand under my chin and my elbow on my knee as support, sitting criss-cross. "But then I think about what I went through, and why I went through so much. And it matters to me that I left. What would I be doing now, at home? Where would you all be? And I would never have found out," I smiled, "that I had family out there somewhere."
Sokka smiled and stood up, reaching out for me to take his hand. I grabbed it, and he pulled me up. "I always had to take care of Katara, and I'm going to say I've done a pretty good job so far," he laughed. "We always have room for one more sister."
I hugged him, really hard because I needed it. I waited until he hugged me back, and then let go, deciding it was time to let go of them. To let go of my parents, and focus on the present. My days as super sleuth were over, and now I was me. I wasn't going to chase someone I wasn't anymore.
As we walked back, I felt this whole weight lift off my back. Sokka had his arm around my shoulders, and I felt safe because I had a brother. I had a family.
"Hey," I said, nudging Sokka, "Have you noticed the temple is upside down?" he laughed, but then stopped suddenly, all the signs of amusement disappearing from his face. "What's wrong?"
"Turn around slowly," he took my arm and turned me to face where we came from. "and go back."
"Why?"
"You know how it's my job to protect you? Well it starts now."
"Sokka, just tell me what it is. I can handle it," I said. "I've been through too much to break down at everything," I joked, but he shook his head.
"Trust me." He blocked my view. "Go."
But I ducked under his arm like the brat I was, thinking whatever it was I could punch in the face and get it over with. I tripped, caught myself as I half tumbled down a hill, and came face-to-back with the one and only. My breath was knocked out of my chest as I realized who on earth it could've been.
Prince Zuko. Or, his back.
There was nothing that would describe the way I felt right there and then. I heard Sokka groan, annoyed, and I realized Aang had been talking to Zuko, Katara listening, pissed. Toph looked like she had swallowed something sour. Everyone was quiet. Slowly, Zuko turned around, and now I wished Sokka could hide me. I wished I'd listened to him.
"Hi," he said, breaking the silence.
And the sound of a slap echoed through the stone walls and pillars.
