I hadn't expected her to look like this.
She looked nothing at all like me. Her eyes were a shining shade of blue, her hair a chocolate brown with volume and shape. Her skin wasn't dark, but tan, her smile sweet and soft. The corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled.
We were polar opposites.
"Well don't you look just like your father," she whispered, running a hand through my dark, dark hair. I suddenly was aware of my deathly pale skin, and reached up to tug my straight hair around my face. How was she my mother? "That's good, too," she laughed, "because he had the good looks." I didn't look at all like her daughter.
"Mom—"
"Shh. Sit," she gestured. I took in my surroundings. The patients were gone. "Tell me everything."
And naturally, I did. I started from Gran, leaving to find the Avatar, getting captured by Zhao, and meeting Zuko. Then came the long and difficult journey of liking good the Avatar. I met Azula, ended up staying with her for a while, but eventually ended up with the Gaang. And then Zuko. And suddenly I'd ran out of things to say.
"That was quite a journey," she nodded, the smile never leaving her face.
"Quite," I said breathlessly. "Mom . . . " I didn't know how to ask, so all I said was, "Why?"
She knew what I was asking. Her smile disappeared. "Just know that I love you," she reached out and touched my hand. " I love you, no less than Katara or Sokka. You are my daughter, and I found you a gift. The gift of waterbending. And I can tell, my love has kept you safe to this day. I don't regret it."
I smiled, tears pricking at the backs of my eyes. "I'm so glad I'm talking to you."
"I'm so glad you're here," she said. She looked so much like Katara. Like Sokka. My grin faded.
"Katara misses you so much."
"I know," she said, her face falling. "I don't know what to say to her. I left to protect her."
"You did a lot to protect us," I comforted her. "All she wanted was to talk to you one last time."
"Katara is strong, but she doesn't have the capability of entering the Spirit World. To choose a path, you must find the source. You had the source." The lionturtle. "Katara does not."
"I know. She knows too. But can you find a way to communicate with her?"
"I'm afraid there's no way." Kya started tearing up. "Oh, Katara . . . " she touched the necklace on her neck—the same one Katara always wore.
"She didn't believe you died, to this day," I told mom. "She doesn't enjoy the fact that she's sharing you with me."
"Ah," Mom wiped her eyes, "She's a sweetheart."
"A hopeful sweetheart with a hot head," I joked, and mom laughed. Windchimes.
"Just tell her that I'm always watching her. I am always with her, no matter what," Kya said, stroking my hair. "And Sokka. I'm so proud of him."
"And I know you're always with me," I smiled. I didn't know what else to say to her. I knew everything already. I'd found my own way.
"I will always be with you." She held me close and I lay my head on her lap. She continued stroking my hair. This is what it felt like to be protected. To have a mother. I slowly started to drift off. I had my arms around her waist like I was afraid she'd escape, or that I'd lose her again.
And then I nodded off.
When I realized what I was doing, I woke with a start, feeling for Mom. I reached out, touching whatever was in front of me. My eyes opened.
The first thing I saw was Zuko's face. My palm rested against the scarred side of his cheek. His arm was under my neck and I was raised, as if he'd been trying to pick me up. His eyes widened.
"She's awake!" He smelled like smoke. Aang stood next to me, his eyebrows pinched together. He was worried and angry, as if I was going to give him gray hairs too early.
I was on a bed. Zuko had raised me up to fix a pillow under my head. He let me put my head down.
"What's happening?" I asked, disappointed. Where did Mom go?
"You were unconscious for two days. That's what happened," Sokka said, his voice stern. I sat up.
"You better start talking, because we're waiting, Sparkles." Toph said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"One minute you were waving goodbye, and the next minute we see you just sitting up, not moving at all. Eventually we carried you back," Katara said, annoyed. "and Aang and Zuko came back during that time." I sat up so fast I almost knocked heads with Zuko.
"Did you see the dragons?"
"Oh, yeah," Aang said. "We also learned this really cool firebending technique."
"Correction: dance," Sokka put in. "It's a dance."
"Anyway," Aang said, "Why on earth would go back to the spirit world? Alone?"
"You could've been killed," Katara said softly. "If you died, you never would've returned back to your body."
I said, "But it was worth it." and Katara's eyes widened, liquid brimming them.
"Did you—"
"I did. She says she never stopped watching you. And you," I said to Sokka, who's face softened.
"Mom?"
"Yes," I nodded. "She's never really left you." I couldn't register the look on Katara's face.
"Well . . . you get some rest," Katara said, keeping her face cool. "Aang and Zuko, you two go and practice firebending."
Aang smiled brightly at Zuko, who gave him returned the smile. I realized, in their short time alone, they'd bonded. Greatly.
As Sokka and Toph followed Zuko and Aang out, I grabbed Katara's wrist. "Wait," I said, pulling her.
"What?" she asked, looking over her shoulder. A slight frown painted her face.
"Katara, I'm sorry for anything I've done to make you upset," I started. "But you can't be mad at me forever. I haven't really done anything to you. I know you're upset, and you're upset with mother. But honestly, she did what she had to do to survive," I said, explaining the story to her. "And all that, you already know. But Katara, more than anything, I just want to be your sister." she examined my face, the space between her eyebrows pinched. And then she sighed, the air deflating from her like a hot air balloon.
"I know it's not your fault." She sat down, putting her head in her hands. "And I know I shouldn't be mad at mom either. But . . . I just want to be angry at something."
"I know what you're saying," I said. "And I talked to mom for you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back, telling from what one visit did to me," I told her, "but I know she's always going to be there. And she told me to tell you that she does love you to death. She's watching you, whether you like it or not."
Katara sniffed. Uh, oh. The waterworks.
She hugged me then, and sobbed on my shoulder. "You don't know how bad I want to see her one last time," she cried.
"I did too," I said, patting her back, hugging my sister tighter, "but the satisfaction of seeing her ghost is nowhere near seeing her in person. Meeting a ghost will never be the same. She's just a younger version of herself. Probably not even the woman you remembered."
"What did she look like?" Katara pulled away, wiping her eyes.
"You," I smiled. Katara touched her necklace, a slow smile spreading across her face.
