Dogs

4.

Youngjae

I gamed every night till I fell asleep, finding myself lying in bed each morning despite it. The space next to me was always empty unless I woke in the middle of the night, JB having left the dorm way before us.

I would force myself to wake every few hours, just to stare at JB like a creep if he was around, simply missing his face before falling asleep with his warmth surrounding me.

The other members struggled to wake me up every morning, resulting in us having to rush everywhere. I felt bad about it but just couldn't seem to fall asleep without him by my side or tiring myself out completely.

The lack of sleep and lack of Bummie made me so irritable in the end. I felt like a petulant child, sulking and throwing my stuff in a huff especially when I came back to our empty room.

I flung my limbs around in a weird dance, squirming around on the mattress after falling facedown onto it. I let out a huge huff before getting up to shower, ridiculously missing JB even more now that he isn't next to me.

We both didn't bring up what he said, even when he came back before I slept, the two of us just quietly fitting around each other and cuddling each night.

I kept a small distance from him after that incident, more aware of my actions around him. He would frown at me whenever I moved from him but not do anything, letting me be anyway.

I would lay awake and stare at him as he slept, my heart aching at the thought of him leaving me... I guess it is just when...

~

JB had so conveniently left out that he had to go on a date with a girl in one of the variety shows he was in. I was jealous and confused on whether I had the right to be. I still don't know what we are but I'm selfish and I hate it.

We had all gathered together to watch the show and support JB while he was overseas when I realised it was a date. I kept a straight face despite my anger when Jinyoung threw me a worried glance, not wanting them to be concerned.

We watched as he talked to her so nicely, holding her hand in his while he ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

I wanted to cry so badly throughout the whole date that I just turned to Jackson who was next to me, hiding my face into his neck so I wouldn't have to watch another second.

Their voices echoed in my head and I realised that he was having a good time, the slight smile in his tone telling me volumes.

Jackson wrapped his arm around me, patting my back lightly in response.

"It's over" he whispered when the date finally ended, patting my back still.

I looked back to the screen, staring at the screen without paying attention, my mind still roaming elsewhere. I really don't know what we are. Does he at least want me half as much as I love him? That's something I can live with.

~

From: Bummie kitty hyung

My plane just landed. See you in a bit Jae.

I stared at my screen for the longest time, unsure of whether I should and what I should reply.

How could you not have told me? What are we even?
I'm so angry. Ugh. Why am I even fretting about this?

I sighed before deleting the whole paragraph, retyping my message to him.

See you.