Splintered Heart (Camila / You)

chapter 19

Camila's P.O.V.

I miss her. It's been four days since she stormed out of my apartment. Four days consisting of me just sitting on my couch waiting, hoping, that Y/N will come home. I'm worried about her and what she might do to herself. I don't even know if she found a place to stay. She's not answering any of the texts I send or the calls I make. I really miss her.

My eyes are puffy from all the crying I've done, my chest is constantly tight, and I'm nauseous 24/7. I'm just so fucking  worried. I have to leave for L.A. in a few days and I refuse to leave without seeing her first and talking about this. I'm not doing that again. 

I know what I said was wrong, I'll admit that, but I was just so angry. Not at Y/N, but at myself. She hurt herself because of me...again. I told her I'd be here for her and help her and all I did was cause her more pain. Laughing at Matthew when he said that about Y/N was so stupid. I just didn't want to fight with him about this again. 

Then, there's Shawn. Fucking Shawn. I didn't tell her because I didn't think she'd want to know about him. It was a mistake that I hoped to forget. Matthew found out one night when I was venting about everything and it slipped out. I didn't tell him purposely. Now Y/N thinks I confide in him instead of her. I mean he's a decent friend...when hes not trying to get in my pants. We get along and have the same goofy personality. Plus, if I have to 'date' him I might as well get to know him a little.

Currently, I was sitting on my couch, my head in my hands, just thinking about how to fix this. Or rather, if I even can fix this. That's all I've been doing, besides waiting for her. I haven't been sleeping. Whenever I close my eyes, all I see is Y/N laying in her own blood. It doesn't help that whenever I go to the bathroom I see the blood stain on the white tile. 

My head shot up at the soft knock I heard at the door. I scrambled up, running to the door. Flinging it open, I smiled, expecting to see Y/N. Instead, I came face to face with Kaitlyn. Wait, Kaitlyn? What the fuck? "Uh hi?" I greeted, furrowing my eye brows.

"Hey..." Kaitlyn pursed her lips, rocking back and forth on her feet. She was wearing ripped jeans, a loose crop top, and a tight jean jacket. "Can I..?" She silently asked to come in.

"Oh! Yeah, sorry." I chuckled awkwardly, moving to the side, allowing her to enter. Once inside, she looked around, taking in her surroundings. "We can uh sit on the couch? If you want?"

"Sure," Kaitlyn smiled, seating herself...on my side. I huffed, sitting on the opposite side, shifting uncomfortably. "So I wanted to tell you that Y/N's okay. She's been with me." I let out a sigh of relief. "She'd kill me if she knew I was here, but I figured it's your right to know...even if you fucked up. Bad."

"Yeah...I know. I feel like shit. Wait, where is she now? Is she alone?" I asked, worriedly.

"Camila, relax. She's with her therapist right now." Wait, therapist? Kaitlyn must have sensed my confusion. "She just started going back," she explained. Oh, okay. "Anyway...she's okay. I mean she hasn't really left my apartment. She feels guilty about falling back into her old habits, ya know?"

"Yeah...it's my fault too. I mean all of it, not just that night. I'm the reason she started hurting herself in the first place."  

"Well..you triggered it, yes,  but her problems were there with or without you. Like, it could have happened either way, ya know?" Kaitlyn explained, making me feel a little better. "She's probably gonna go back on her meds too." I nodded, chewing my bottom lip.

"So...we haven't really talked since...ya know." Kaitlyn nodded, looking ashamed almost. "Not gonna lie, I'm still pissed but I get you were trying to protect her. Just know I'm never leaving her like that again."