Voices in my head

Chapter 3

However, you know, like it's said, you cannot stay happy for a long time. Your life cannot be all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there has to be betrayal, more heart breaks, and grief to have you value happiness when you have it. We take our happiness for granted. We are always greedy for better things to happen whenever our life takes a happy turn. And so did I. I wanted Darwin to be more than my friend. I could not bear the endless torture of being in a friend zone or whatever. Darwin was cunning. He knew I wanted more. He knew I was still head over heels in love with him and he took advantage of it. He used to make me jealous by all the girls that had a crush on him (One of which was my best friend Nitya). But she said she would never go after him. She knew she could not date her best friend's boyfriend. She was not like me. She was mature. She valued our friendship more than the petty crush. I was glad that I could rely on her. I wish I were that loyal to Pearl. (Pearl is Darwin's ex and my former best friend, a gorgeous black head with perfect body.) I wish I had it in me to reject Darwin when he started falling for me. I wish I had the guts to choose Pearl over Darwin. But nothing mattered at that time. All I could see was my crush liking me back and I was happily blocking out all the common sense out of my brain.

BUT with Nitya, it was different. I knew how bad it felt when your crush dated your best friend. I always asked her about it.She always used to ignore it saying, "It is just a tiny crush and it will vanish as soon as you blink. You guys are meant to be I do not want to be an obstacle."

At times I felt, I did not deserve a friend like Nitya. She was way too nice for me. There was a time when Harry told me he had a tiny crush on Nitya and he wanted me to help him out. I took that as an opportunity to help Nitya out. I thought it would not only help her move on from Darwin but also WHAT BETTER THAN TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS DATING? The next day I went to Nitya and talked to her about it. She straight away rejected it. She said there was no chance of her liking Harry, ever. I was sad. I did not know how to tell Harry about it. He was my brother. I did not want to break his heart. Hence I kept on pestering Nitya about it. In the end, she gave up, she said yes.

Seeing them happy and together made me miss the time when Darwin and I were together. I started dropping hints whenever we talked. I started reminding him of the times when we were together. I wanted him to make the first move and ask me out, again. But instead of asking me out, he went to my mother and complained about how I kept bugging him to be in a relationship. My mother, unlike last time, confronted me about it. She asked me if I still wanted to be with a guy who made me almost kill myself. She asked me if I still wanted to be with a guy who did not give two shits about me. She asked me if I still wanted to be with a guy who would blame everything on me, every damn time shit goes down. She asked me was it worth risking everything for a guy who would, in a heartbeat, crush your heart, given a chance. She told me to sit and think. Think about my life, my future and about Darwin.

This time, however, it did not affect me bad because somewhere deep inside I knew that Darwin would do that to me, again. But it still tore me apart knowing, I was the one who gave him an idea to be in a relationship again, I wanted nothing more than to shoot myself. I was dumb and naïve. It was difficult for me to understand. It was difficult for me to face rejections. I wanted answers. But looking at him, all I could see was a person that brought me nothing but misery. There was a time when he used to brush away my tears and bandage my cuts but now he was the reason I cried myself to sleep and had scars all over my body. The first time he broke my heart, I promised myself, never to fall for him. But then it was 3 am and we were talking and laughing way too hard. It made forget all the wrongs he ever did to me. And I fell for him again, hard.

But however this time I was done. I had made my choice. I wanted Darwin out of life. The only feelings I had for him were rage and revenge. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to cry. I wanted him to feel guilty for hurting me. I wanted him to beg for my love and my attention. I wanted to hurt him, real bad. For once I wanted to be the one on the laughing side. For once I wanted to experience the joy of hurting someone. And so I did something even more stupid.

The next day in school I ended up telling everything to our friends. My stupid self thought, everyone would see how evil Darwin is and leave him alone. I wanted him to get that feeling of being left alone. I wanted him to know how it felt being betrayed by the ones you love and trust the most. But as usual, things did not go as planned. When Darwin became aware of this, he started a rumor. It was a rumor that changed my life, the scars I still have on my body and the reason why I had to chnage my school.

__xoxo

Hello guys,

Thank you so much to everyone reading this.

So I know this chapter a little short but I am posting two chapters for this week. I hope you all like it. Kindly vote, comment and share it with your friends if you think this is worth reading. Also let me know what I can do to improve my writing. Suggestions are welcome.

P.S. Just by dropping a word in the comments about how you all feel while reading this really means the world to me so kindly let me know. It motivates me to write more.

Love,

Vrundaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa