winter breaks || m.e.

19

ch. 19 ; edge

Matthew

"dylan, come on!" i begged my big brother.

he was only older than me by two years yet he's a big ass.

"you did a shitty thing, matthew. live with it."

"i can't. i really like her. i can't lose her, i just got her."

"you should've thought of that before betting on her."

obviously dylan wasn't going to help me win back jade. yet, i know someone who always has my back.

-

"no matthew!" kristen told me for the billionth time.

"why not?" i asked playing around with her drawers.

"you hurt her, leave her alone, now. it's not meant to be." she told me while sitting at her vanity applying make up.

"you have no right to say that, kristen! i made a mistake, now i realized it and i'm trying to fix it. i want her. i really like her. you used to be a huge advocate for getting us together since we were like six. help me. please help me win her back."

"this is the biggest fuck up, you've ever had. give her time, matthew."

i don't have time. fuck this. fuck all of this.

"i'm leaving."

"where are you going, matthew?" she asked me looking back.

it was too late, i was already out the door heading to my car. i'm gonna go somewhere i can never fuck up.

-

"thanks, for letting me chill here. it's hectic back home." i opened up a beer and started to gulp it down.

"of course, you're going to choke if you chug it all down." she giggled taking a sip of her beer.

"i just need to take all this stress off. all this edge." i leaned back on her couch, putting my feet up.

her fingers crawled up my thigh.

"well, i have something perfect for you, then."

"i don't want to make out right now, jess."

"no not that!" suddenly she reached behind me and grabbed a ziplock bag filled with joints.

classy.

she pulled out a joint and a lighter from her coffee table.

"it'll take the edge off." she said placing it between my teeth.

"please say it's only weed," i mumbled with a joint in my mouth.

she nodded and lit it up.

so there i was. getting drunk and smoking with jessica serfaty. maybe i was going to regret it eventually, but at least she doesn't point out every bad thing i do.

-

"let's go to your room, before your parents see you!" jess giggled.

she has some weird fetish for almost getting caught. i was a bit high as a kite right now. so let's say making it up the stairs was not as easy as you would think.

i made it through eventually. without anybody seeing me. jess laid down on my bed and i took a seat in my spinny chair.

"jess, look how fast i can spin!" i laughed like a little kid spinning and spinning.

she laughed along with me. if jade was here, she would tell me i was going to throw up and get me into bed to rest.

stop thinking about her, matthew.

i go to jess to forget about everybody and everything. i smoke and drink to do the same thing, yet jade's the biggest thought in my brain right now.

"come to bed, matty!" she whined like a little kid.

"i'm a little high. and drunk right now."

"i don't mind. i took a few puffs too, you know."

"i just need to clear my head. it's hot in here. can you open a window please?" i asked kindly.

she nodded walking over to the side of the room to open up my windows. in the process, she also opened the curtains. the sun was setting and it looked beautiful.

i bet the sunset would have looked amazing at jade and i's spot. my spot, i mean. my rock and my spot.

"it's pretty, isn't it babe?" jess gazed out the window.

i walked over to her and looked out the window along with her. she took this as a chance to attack my lips. i didn't kiss back this time. i didn't have the heart to.

she continued kissing me despite of that, pulling off my shirt. i was just still and stoned throughout all of this. i was motionless.

i felt a little empty. a little too empty.

forgive me soon, jade. i need you.

Jade

today was probably one of the best days i had in a while. i think one of the best days i've ever had besides the time shawn and i-

shawn!

i haven't spoke to him since- i should really talk to him. i'll text him tonight and see how he's doing. oh my god, i'm such a terrible friend for forgetting.

maybe tomorrow, if there's no plans, i can make some with jax. i haven't really talked to him yet. i should really get on top of my text back game, i suck at it.

ana still hasn't responded to any of my messages or obvious cries for help but i mean it's fine. kind of. i wish our friendship was more two sided. i'm always putting in all the work.

on the way back to my room, i head a few giggles from matt's room. of course. he's with jessica again.

i should've expected this. it's my fault. i get mad at him, i tell him to leave me alone and he does that. i need to make up my mind.

sometimes we don't always end up with the people we like the most.

he's not a fuckboy. he's just a boy in love with another girl.

-

a/n

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~ ya girl