Don't Forget(Chrissy Costanza)

Chapter 18

*Chrissy's PoV*
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LIE TO HER?" Asked Dan with anger.
"I panicked dude! She can't know it is me..." I took off my mask and grabbed a bottle of Jack.
"She forgot about you... Big thing. CHRISSY IT HAS BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE YOU LAST SAW EACH OTHER." Screamed Will packing his bag.
"You forgot how that went down... It's best for us to pretend we are strangers." I muttered.
"I know that look in your eyes. You are still in love with her." Dan. Sometimes you are a real pain in the ass.
"So what? I won't hurt her again if we stayed apart." I felt tears in my eyes.
"But she loves you. She doesn't know it's you but she loves your voice..." Argued Will.
"Anyone can have my voice... I want her to remember me." I said.
"What if she did already?" Asked Dan and I stayed silent.
"If she did she would've known it was me singing. See you guys." I left and went to fink Frank.

"So she's here... Why haven't you talked to her?" He asked.
"MAYBE because she is afraid of me!" I tried reasoning with him but he is as stupid as everyone else.
"Are you afraid that she will run away?" He asked drinking from his bottle.
"Of fucking course! I know she's scared of me and no one has helped her in remembering..." I ended the last bottle and broke the glass against the floor.
"That's why you wrote gravity?" He asked.
"Fucking hell yes! But the first fucking time I sing it in public she was in the crowd and heard me crying my heart out... What a blast." I commented sarcastically.
"Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was written like this. It's destiny for you to be together!" Screamed the gay ass next to me.
"No. It's destiny for me to be the unluckiest bitch ever! The girl of my life forgot how much I love her... Why should I be proud of my fate?" I asked crying.
"Maybe because no matter how much you ran away... You keep meeting each other. Something beyond you... Beyond me! Wants you to go for her." He encouraged me.
"I bet she is with someone else by now..." I spoke full of sadness.
"You want me to investigate?" He asked with a smirk.
"Sure... Go ahead asshole! I bet you find something other then the obvious." I used my strongest sarcasm and went for another bottle.
"You should try smoking besides just drinking..." commented Frank lighting his cigarette.
"I'm a singer! Stupid!" I said throwing vodka to his tabaco.
"I hate you so fucking much when we are both not so drunk." He complained.
"But three vodka glasses later you love me." I did a random duck face that caused him to laugh.
"I won't deny it... But you are seriously a bitch." He lit another cigarette and started smoking.
In that moment my mind went to Kate, I wanted to go find her... Even if I needed to run all around New York to see her. I wanted to talk to her... Maybe even like... Get together. How did she find me? Why did she go to talk to me?
Why the fuck hasn't she remembered me yet?!
What has been going on in her life? How is she? What did she study? How did she get a letter?
Why can't she remember me?
I need to see her. Talk to her... Make her trust me... I'd give anything to love her as I did when we were young.
But I fucked up. And she forgot everything but that.

"CHRISSY!" Screamed Frank.
I remembered where I was.
In my apartment. Almost 6 years away from that beautiful thing we had. Empty. Alone. And full of alcohol.
Thinking once again about her and what she could be up to. Except this time, I knew exactly what she was doing.
Invading my safe place. Without knowing about it. She was running around New York not knowing she could run into me someday. She did. But thank god I was with a mask that she couldn't see through and I could just say I was Jazmin.
But deep down I wanted to take off my mask. Look into her eyes and tell her that this is who I was.
"CHRISSY!" Frank screamed again and I started shaking.
Why does this have to happen to me?! What have I done wrong? I made a huge mistake when I was a kid but I did EVERYTHING in my power to get things right. But once again I fucked up.
And even after 5 years I can't seem to get it right.
"Hey... Dude... What's wrong?" Frank asked but I couldn't say a word.
I could only think about how she looked at me that day at Soph's place.
I decided to go back home for the weekend just to see if... She remembered me. I organized everything with Soph, but it went terribly wrong. Her face was pale from fear, she was shaking and I could see how tears were forming in her eyes.
She hasn't remembered me. She is still afraid of me.
I tried to explain, I begged her to listen to me, I started crying on my knees but she stayed still.
The only thing she said was:
"Please... Get away from me." And then she ran away.
I never went back home since then. Soph never tried to contact me. Neither my dad or anyone. They knew that with Kate's memory lost... I was lost too. So reaching out to me was trying to catch sand.
The guys came looking for me.
But she never came. She never called. She never looked for me. Because she was scared of me.
And I was scared of her in a way.
I am scared of her.
How? I am scared of her. After five fucking years. I only grew afraid of her. The words she said to me the last times we met were bullets that hit me every day, every second that I remember her. Her memory has been killing me for 5 fucking years, her voice kept sounding in my head, making sure I knew that I am not meant to be loved.
Her memory has been torturing me since she woke up at that hospital bed.
What terrible things can she say here?
How can she break me?
If there's anything left to break. I don't want to see her. The pain is way too much.
Everything is paining me. It is killing me from the inside.
She is killing me from the inside.
"Chrissy!" I heard bangs on wood. "Open the door!" Begged Frank.
I felt the blood streaming down my arm. I couldn't help it. I needed to let the pain out. I needed to let her out.
The door opened and he rushed in.
Why isn't she rushing in? She could come, say something and fucking end my nightmare. But in came Frank. He touched my arms and I could only whisper her name... As if I tried to clean it from you.
As if I wanted you to fade in thin air like the sound was fading.
I will survive this night. I have survived so many. But this torture must end. I must ram away from her. Hide until I get enough money to flee somewhere else. Where she won't go.
Where I will only be fighting her memory.
It's just a matter of time before I disappear. I know I will fade away. I already did.
She forgot about me, that killed me and is killing me ever since.
The worst part of it all is not how much I fear her.
The worst part of all of this is knowing that no matter how much I ran, I hide, I die...
I will still love her.
And beg every day for her to come back
A/N: I am crying just with writing this holy shit this was intense...
I wanted to write beyond this scene but it's better to keep this moment alone...
I'm still crying. That feeling is shit and I wish no one felt it ever. But it exists. And no matter what I do someone will suffer...
I love you 💕 and I hope your day goes fine