Is our love strong enough?

I always have and I always will

Dear Can,

I don't know where to begin to write but as you won't listen to me, this is the only way I know how to reach you. I need you to know what exactly happened.

When the police took you away because of what happened with Fabri, my heart broke into a million pieces. You went to jail because of me, because of the trouble I brought to you since the first day we met him. Everyone in the company was blaming me for what happened to you. I cannot even blame them because I felt the same way. I knew they were right. If it wasn't for me you would not be in jail and you didn't had to sell your shares.
I would do anything for you, just as you have done for me. You were ready to sell the hut, the most special place where you could go and hide from everyone.
I am sorry I lied and didn't tell you right away what I did. But I am not sorry that I saved you from prison.
I called Fabri and gave him a proposition in order to let go of all charges, give the shares back and leave us in peace.
I know how special the scent is and that our story began with it, but I never imagined in my wildest dreams that it would be the end of us.

I probably didn't tell you about it because I knew deep inside that there is a high possibility of you leaving and never coming back. I wanted to tell you so many times Can. I thought you would understand in what position I was in and that we could talk about it as grown up people do.
You will never be able to listen to me. Your first instinct will always be to run and leave everything behind you. You don't like confrontations. How can we have a funcional relationship if I am afraid to tell you when I messed up? I know this wasn't a small mistake but Can, if I hsve to I would do it again.
To save you, to save the company.
I couldn't just stand there and watch how everything that means so much to me is taken away before my eyes.
I would do everything for you, without hesitations.

I would like to thank you for showing me what it means to be in love, what it means to love someone more than anything in this world. You were my first boyfriend. My first love. My first passion. I thought you could be my first everything.
I know it was very immature of me to think that way, but I thought we could be each others everything, forever.

You can be angry at me as much as you want but I did it to save you and everyone else. I have lied to you Can, but never about my feelings for you.

The sad part is that you lied to me to. You said my heart will be safe with you, that you would listen to me and that you would never leave me.

Besides this letter, there are three more things inside this envelope.

1. The keys to the motorbike.
Thank you for the beautiful gift and the teaching lessons. You will find the motorbike in the parking garage. I will not need it any longer since I am leaving Istanbul.

2. My resignation note and the check for the money I owed you and the company.

3. The box
It contains the amber necklace and Sanems scent. I have realized that the scent means to you more than I do. You said it yourself that I am just like everyone else without it. I don't want to be known or identified by a scent and not by the person I am. I might be childish and not mature enough for you, but these are all parts of who I am. Who I thought you fell in love with. I give you all the rights to the scent, you can do whatever you want with it. This is the last perfume I have made and I will ever make.

Thank you for the beautiful birthday gift, your necklace. It didn't brought me much luck but it might help you with Polen. I realize you have a deep connection with her, one that I never will have. It might help you two get back together.

I need to go and find myself again, I forgot who I am. I helped everyone with their problems, my parents, Leyla, Ayhan, Ceycey, Deren...you! This whole time I cared about everyone, especially about you  more then I did about myself.

This is my goodbye to you. I don't know yet where I am going but I look forward to take care of Sanem.

I wish you all the best in London and with Polen, I really do! I hope you find your happiness you have been looking for.

I love you Can Divit, I always have and I always will.

S.