Broken in a Heartbeat- A Marauders era story (temporarily discontinued)

Chapter nine

A/N OMG PLEASE DONT KILL ME! I want to thank everyone who still read my story and added it to their collection thingy.

My schedule has been a bit messed up because of my recent mental breakdown. I'm better now and that's a story for another time.

Again im so sorry but I've wanted to take this time to truly get better so I can update more often.

This chapter is going to be a bit depressing because idk I feel depressing?

I want to say that the only thing I own is Makayla and her story and plot and shit. Other then that I dont own anything.

ALSO! WARNING THIS CHAPTER INVOLVES TRIGGERING THINGS SUCH AS CUTTING, BLOOD, AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE!!

MAKAYLAS POV:

Have you ever been addicted to something? Something that no matter what happens, no matter what changes or how you change, you can't get rid of?

That's like cutting for me. It's my coping mechanism. It's like muggle drugs to me.

It's also too easy. Too easily addictive.

No matter what I do it always leads back to this moment, the moment in the bathroom with my trusty razor.

The blood in my ears make it hard to hear and the blood on my wrists make it easy to not care. Not care about anything.

Maybe...maybe if I just cut a little deeper, press a little harder this feeling will go away. This feeling of helplessness. This feeling of sadness. Always.

It's enough to drive someone crazy and I'm on the train there. I try to put on a smile, and it's not always fake.

Now this sounds whiny, or even like bad poetry, but I can't help it. I have an amazing life, minus my family, and I should be happy. I should be. But I can't...and oh dear lord do I want to be.

My friends joke that they want to "jump off the astronomy tower" after a teacher gives us a lot of homework.

But I don't think they've ever stood up there, felt the wind whip them in the face harshly yet calmly, hear the water beating onto the shore from the black lake and think, 'Wow. I could die right now and be peaceful about it'.

Maybe that's why I cut. Because I can't exactly talk to my friends about this. They won't understand.

They would yell at me, lecture me, or maybe try to understand but could never. Then they'd treat me like glass, always tiptoeing on eggshells around me. I couldn't handle that.

That's how I found myself in the kitchen. My arms fresh with layers upon layers of scars. Old ones and new ones alike.

I watched with rapt fascination as my blood spilled out of a rogue cut, where I cut too deep. The house elves gave me a rag with sympathy and an oath not to tell. They also gave me mudslide ice cream and tea which is awesome of them I guess.

I froze when the portrait door opened and quickly hid my wrists, in fear of it being one of the Marauders or my other girl friends. It wasn't.

In fact it was a Slytherin boy I knew a lot yet a little about. Regulus Arcturus Black. The younger brother of Sirius.

Regulus looked shockingly alike serious. Yet had more defined cheekbones, shorter hair(yet still black and unruly) and instead had ice grey/blue eyes that never showed his emotions, unlike Sirius which you could always tell his emotions. He was always just as toned and tall, his height he inherited from his family and his toned body from quidditch.

He always was a Slytherin who believed and followed through with his pureblood beliefs.

"Brown" he said curtly while walking up to me, looking my up and down. I probably looked like a mess, red puffy eyes, messy hair, and blood on my shirt( a few drops) and a bloody rag on my wrists. Biggest give away.

"Black" I said in an emotionless way. It's not like we didn't get along, it's just im Half blood(AN Idk if I ever clarified that she is a half blood, her dad is a muggle and mom a squib I probably didn't but I'm saying it not) and he's pureblood from a
prejudice family.

He went to the nearest house elf and told her his request, surprisingly nice. And then stood somewhat awkwardly while he waited.

It wasn't long before he got his food(ice cream like me and tea like me)  and even after he did he still stood there, analyzing me.

"Are you-are you okay?" He asked hesitantly and with an awkward look on his face. I let out a dry chuckle.

"You know, you're the first person to ask me that." I dodged the question while taking a bite out of my ice cream. He raised an eye brow and sat down in the chair next to me.

"Can I help you?" I asked quite rudely. I winced "sorry that came out rude" i sighed.

He didn't say anything at first, and instead he gave my a scrutinizing look before finally saying. "That was quite rude" he said almost playfully.

I let out a chuckle that was threaded with emotion. He gave me a small smile. "So, are you going to answer my question?" I threaded my eyebrows together.

"No. As in no I'm not okay. And I haven't been for awhile and it's kinda sad that you, a complete stranger, can see it before my friends could." I ranted a bit with a sigh and a sip of tea. He nodded thoughtfully.

"Have you tried talking to them?" Regulus raised an eyebrow, not in a rude way, but a suggestive 'You should do that' way.

"They would lecture me about how much I have to live for and shit like that. I know I do and all but they don't understand my reasoning behind it all. They could never" I shook my head. Deciding to change the subject not to subtly.

"So what are you doing down here?" I inquired with another bite of my ice cream. He shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep. Loud dorm mates" he let the subject change slid thankfully. I giggled.

We ended up staying there for another hour, getting to know each other and talking. Regulus was an amazing listener and understood me better then my friends.

He was like the little brother I've always wanted.

Even he opened up. He told me about his family and how he wished to be out but also wanted to please his parents. He told me about Sirius and how he deliberately always got on the bad side of their mother and his punishments.

Regulus told me about how he hated that he couldn't help his older brother, and he even shed a tear. It was very heartfelt.

We decided to make plans to meet later and talk more. And just like that, that one conversation, I felt a little big lighter. I felt like I finally had someone to talk to. And that was better than any other feeling I've ever had.

AN: im sorry this chapter was depressing. And no regulus and Makayla won't get together.

OH! I have amazing news! This book has been eligible for a Wattys!! Isn't that amazing! Please keep up the amazing work of keeping my book alive.

You guys keep me so happy! Even if it's a little comment here and there it lightens my mood. I'm glad to be back! Honestly! And if I don't post in a while, comment of DM me to remind me!

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~~~SnowPaw <3