if walls could talk // calum hood

chapter sixteen 💕

it's been a complicated and messy few days  with calum and looking after him all the time but  i still don't know where i actually stand with him but there's been tears, laughter and sex.
him and i decided that a bit of time apart from each other would be better because then we can figure out priorities and he can decide where i stand with him. i take some time to make some friends. mitchy and i talk a lot more and i've been hanging out with south, michael and crystal but i miss calum like crazy and i check in on him often.  we facetime almost every night to say goodnight and the other night he even admitted to missing me a lot but he also seems to be doing fine too. apparently he's been with ashton a lot and ashton finally talked him into trying one session of therapy and from there they gave him an alternative medication such as antidepressants and anxiety medication to try and make him feel better. i don't know how i feel about him being controlled by medication really, i've seen the way some people act on it and it either works or it doesn't. i don't want him to feel like he is no longer in control of his own actions or like the medication own him, i also don't want him to be dependent on them.

"have you spoken with cal lately" michael asks.

"no why" i say.

michael explains that this morning they had a short recording session for a few hours then after that they had a meeting with the management crew and calum didn't turn up to either of them but everyone else had, even ashton.

i call him and he doesn't answer the phone so i scroll through my phone looking for ashton's number, i'm pretty sure i got it the other night before calum and i left the club to have sex.
i finally find it and call ashton who answers right away.

"hey you! long time no speak huh?" he says.

"hi ashton. i've missed you and all i really have but i'm worried about calum, can you please please please be a pal and check on him. michael told me he didn't show up today to both things but...he told me yesterday when we facetimed that he was going" i explain.

he says he thinks calum's just tired because he had apparently been up the last few nights in pain. ashton assumes from his stitches and everything but i still feel like something is wrong with calum and he isn't telling me everything again. i panic.

"ashton, i love calum so much! please just go and check on him for me" i whine.

he says he will go now and keep me update then he ends the call. i sit patiently and pathetically waiting for anything praying to god that he hasn't done something silly and hurt himself.

"he'll be fine babes" crystal says handing me a mug of hot chocolate.

"best vegan hot chocolate you'll ever have" she says initiating at the mug she just gave me.

i sit in silence clutching onto the mug waiting for ashton to text or call with any news or updates on calum. maybe he's just caught in traffic or something? around 4:30 in the afternoon and it's a tuesday, workers will be knocking off for the day and parents will still be driving kids back from extra curricular activities. 4:30-6:00 seem to be peak hour traffic.

"so what do you love about calum then" michael says snapping me out of my head full of thoughts and anxieties about calum.

"he's just perfect and i really want him in my life... michael, i'm so worried about him. i feel crazy but i'm just so scared"

michael listens too me intently and crystal does too. they listen to me talk about how much calum means to me and how i don't want to lose him for what feels like hours until my phone lights up with a loud call from ashton.

"where are you right now" ashton says.

"i'm with mi-"

i don't even get to finish what i'm saying and ashton's telling me that he is coming to pick me up and take me back to calum. a rush of anxiety and shear panic wash over me as ashton hangs up the phone so he can drive.

"i'm scared" i say looking at my two friends who are both wide eyed too.

they try to reassure me that calum is okay and will be absolutely fine. michael keeps telling me he isn't going to do anything to hurt himself again and crystal keeps telling me cal probably just missed me and wanted ashton to get me. nevertheless, i feel sick to my stomach thinking about what kind of state cal has worked himself up into. deep down i know that i almost lost calum this week already but thanks to roy calling the paramedic and them fixing calum to go to hospital to get fixed. he could have bleed out and died. this realization hits me really hard and brings me to tears just as ashton walks in.

"ashton what's going on" i scream.

"just come, please" he says apologetically.

i get in the car next to ashton and try to pull myself together but i'm just too worked up and worried about calum right now. i want him to be okay so badly and it's not fair because why he can't talk to me about how he is feeling.
my legs are literally jelly and despite ashton putting the car heater on full blast i can't stop shaking the entire car ride to calum's house.

"i love him so much ash" i eventually blurt out.

he stops at the red light and looks at me over his sunglasses for a few seconds then puts his eyes back on the road and drives again. i can't keep in the fact that i love calum anymore though but why is everyone so taken aback and shocked when i say it?

"i know you love him" he says eventually.

i go to ask a question to ashton but then decide i would rather not know why he doesn't love me back.

we finally make it to calum's and i'm nervous for what horrors i'll find inside. ashton waits in the car and says if i need him to text and he'll be there. i step inside and it's pretty dark and cold inside... what has ashton brung me into? why is this happening and where's calum? i'm getting so worried for him right now and i just want to see him and hold him again.