PURE HEROIN

XXI.

21 | Pure Heroin

Exodus had been back home over two weeks and besides dancing and the gym she found time to do little else besides crashing as soon as she reached home. Her parents were worried that she was over working herself but Exodus assured them that she was fine. She had to rebuild up stamina, get her body back to where it used to be and all in a short amount of time.

Being in the audience at Juel's recital she realized the contrast between seeing ballet on stage, where everyone seemed to either glide or mince effortlessly on the tips of their pointes. Breathtaking, uniformed, not a single thing in disarray.

And seeing it from less than five feet away, with daylight pouring from the floor-to-ceiling windows and no music- only the choreographer rhythmically clapping his hands and yelling crass comments. No praise, only criticisms.

Their faces ran with sweat.

Their leotards were sticking, wet with sweat.

Sleek muscles trembled and fluttered on the nervous edge of exhaustion. Corded tendons stood out like insulated cables. Throbbing veins popped out on foreheads and necks. Except for the choreographer's clapping and angry, hectoring shouts, the only sounds were the thrup-thud of ballet dancers on pointe moving across the floor and harsh, agonized panting for breath.

Their biological rhythms were the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within them, to which they dance. Even when they can not name the tune.

Looking in the mirrors Exodus most of all remembered their expressions- all that exhausted concentration, all that pain...but transcending the pain, or at least creeping around its edges, she had seen joy. Joy was unmistakably what that look was, and it scared Exodus because it had seemed inexplicable.

"That's all for today, go home and rest up because theres a four hour session tomorrow night." Giovani their choreographer shouted over the resounding groans in the room. They were convinced he was trying to kill them.

"Don't forget to weigh in before you leave!" Jen exclaimed over by the weighing scale in the corner of the room. Clipboard and blackberry tucked in her hand.

After finishing up a conversation with a couple of the other dancers Exodus grabbed up her dance bag slinging it over her shoulder. Making her way over to the weighing scale she waited patiently for Jen to finish up with a dancer.

Dropping her bag next to her, Exodus stepped onto the scale as Jen hovered over it reading her weight. She watched as Jen's face screwed up a little as a disapproving sound left her throat as she scribbled on her clipboard.

"Jesus Exodus a hundred and thirty-five? Your going to have to loose at least ten to fifteen pounds."

Exodus hadn't realized she had put on so much weight. She sighed biting her lip and stepping off the scale. "I will, promise."

-

"Owe! Mom." Exodus whined as her mother unwrapped her toes.

"I was being gentle!" Her mother protested continuing to unwind the toe tape.

Exodus leaned back in the tub placing her fist against her mouth. She hadn't been this sore in years. She had resorted to sitting in a tub full of ice and cold water to numb her body and hopefully ease the swelling in her feet.

Exodus relaxed to the sound of her mothers soft melodic humming watching as she cleaned her blisters with Peroxide and cotton balls. Much to her dismay her mind began to drift.

"Mom..."

"Hmm?"

"How did you know that dad was the one..?" Her mother paused as if thinking it over.

"I didn't. When you love someone you don't question whether they're the one or not. You just sort of hope that they are."

-

"Tilt your head a little bit."

Exodus complied forcing herself to simultaneously keep still and stop her eyes from squinting under the harsh light.

"Elongate your neck higher- Ah yes right there." The photographer kneeled a few feet away from her, his camera clicking away.

Jen had scheduled a last minute photoshoot for advertisement purposes, but Exodus knew the real reason why. With speculation of her return buzzing in the dance world, it was generating great publicity for the tour.

And money was Jen's favorite word.

The Black Swan had already sold out in seven of the ten venues they were performing in and Jen hoped that with this marketing scheme the last three would follow suit by the time of their departure date.

"These pictures are gorgeous Exodus." The blonde woman gushed standing by the the monitor.

Exodus sighed in relief as the photographer shoo'ed her away already motioning for one of the other soloist to come. They each were receiving individual shots and then one big group shot with their male counter parts.

She pushed herself up off of the floor where she had been posing and squeezed past some members of the lighting crew. She accepted the water bottle that was pushed into her hands and made her way over to where Jen stood looking from her blackberry to the screen in front of her.

Exodus sat on one of the empty directors chair glancing around the room. Taking small sips from her water bottle, wishing it were twelve Big Mac's. They had been here quite a significant part of the day and the only thing Exodus had ate was a Special K Bar before she had left home.

On top of that her body was still aching from the intense practice session yesterday. Even though she was physically tired, not again entirely used to being worked so hard she was determined to give it her best.

Out of habit she reached to fiddle with the necklace around her neck before she realized that it was no longer there. She remembered that she had to be her own strength now.