PURE HEROIN

V.

O5 | Pure Heroin

"You are my sunshine, my lovely sunshine.."

Black hands that hinted at a life that knew hard labour moved swiftly over time weathered piano keys.

"You make me happy..when stars are gray.."

His voice, a composed melody of deep rich baritone that was slightly off-key.

"I'll always show you how much I love you.."

Jete. Plié. Tendu. The little girl moved gracefully hitting each move with expertise far above her those of her age. Like water through cracked rocks, her body flowed into her father's rendition of their favorite song.

"Please don't take my sunshine away.."

Eyes full of love for his daughter he smiled softly at the dramatic ending of her dance. Careful to keep his face composed he met her big brown eyes.

"What did you think daddy?"

"Perfect."

A stream of warm water beat down on her body as she sat down under the shower. Exodus hugged her legs to her chest shaking silently. Even after breaking down in the front of Eli, her eyes still managed to salvage a few more tears. Emotions raw and heart heavy she felt as if she had hit a new low.

Memories flickered like images, each one bringing its own sorrow. Coming and going on some unseen projector perpetually turned by an invisible hand. One, then another. The memories she had previously cherished, to hold up to the light and view from every angle--suddenly seemed a lot safer to lock away in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. Not out of an act of bitterness but a last attempt at self-preservation. Exodus felt as though she was crumbling.

She now realized that forgetting wasn't enough.

You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and again. They circle you, like sharks. Until, unless, something, someone, can do more than just cover the wound.

Turning the brass knob Exodus turned off the shower. Pushing the glass door open slowly she avoided the fogged mirror and wrapped a fluffy white towel around her. Soft white carpet tickled the pads of her feet as she walked out of the bathroom and into the adjoining room.

Sitting neatly at the edge of the bed was her knapsack and a simple white cotton shirt and a pair of grey sweats. Dropping the towel Exodus quickly pulled on the change of clothes and sat down next to her bag. For awhile she sat, tracing the tribal print pattern and plucking stray strands of thread that had formed from wear and time.

Pushing her damp hair over her shoulder Exodus gripped the bottom of the bag turning it over. Inhaling deeply she gave it three hard shakes emptying its contents. She picked up the first item closest to her. She smiled slightly turning over the necklace in her palm, pressing her finger into the ridges along the shark tooth. Her father had given her this on her tenth birthday, he said that it would give her strength as long as she wore it. Exodus hadn't worn it in a long time and maybe it was just the thing she needed to keep her together.

She clasped it around her neck before moving on to another item. Her fingers trembled slightly as she tenderly uncreased the crinkles in the picture. It was a Christmas family photo. With the matching ugly knitted Christmas sweaters as they all posed in front of the fireplace. Her father stood slouching on the left a frown adorning his handsome brown face as he tugged on his sweater. Her mother caught in mid blink and Exodus herself smiling widely with untamed curls and two missing teeth. It was perfect. The dance world will make you almost robotic sometimes and this picture always reminded her that is was okay to be flawed, it is what makes us human.

Putting the picture aside she picked up her ballet pointe shoes. She rubbed her hands against the satin. Their rich pink color had faded over the years from being washed to many times. As Exodus looked inside them she could still see the blood stains that had never washed out from days she had danced her feet raw. She swallowed down the lump in her throat feeling the prick of tears threatening to escape. Pushing them to the side Exodus exhaled loudly through her nostrils.

Picking up a half empty carton of Newport's she placed it on top of the lady liberty fashioned lighter. Cigarettes helped curve the cravings drastically. Although it was essentially exchanging one demon for another, she was wiling to live with the lesser demon.

A rapt series of knocks sounded on the closed door. Exodus quickly shoved her things into her knapsack before the door opened slowly.

Fredo stood in the doorway hands tucked into his pockets. "Uh.. There is pizza in the fridge if you're hungry" he coughed.

She wasn't. "Ok."

"Tomorrow I'll take you to get your clothes from your aunt."

Exodus rubbed her nose. She almost forgot about her white lie, "I...was only staying with my aunt for two days I didn't bring much clothes with me.."

Fredo sighed. "Alright." He'd probably get Baby to take her shopping for things she would need while she stayed with him.

It went silent for a minute before Fredo's phone began to ring. Sparing her one last glance he said "Anyway I'm down the hall if you need anything. Goodnight."

He walked back out the door answering his phone.

She listened to the sound of his footsteps get fainter as he moved away from the door. Getting up, Exodus closed the door softly with a click.

Digging into her bag she removed two of the cigarettes out of the carton. Placing one haphazardly behind her ear she lit the other. Loving the way the slight spark shooting from the lighter warmed her palms. Standing in front of the large glass window Exodus watched the street below. Taking a drag of the cigarette she exhaled wasps of smoke through her nose.

The next morning Exodus woke up disoriented. Functioning on four hours of sleep she was awoken by the sound of loud voices. Wiping the crust from her eyes she slowly rolled over getting out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Five minutes later she re-emerged with a clean face and minty breath.

Cautiously opening her door she walked out into the hall following the sound of the voices. On her way she bumped into someone in the process.

Taking a step back Exodus's eyes went wide, standing before her was a curvy Latina with short brown hair and piercing green eyes. Which were currently slanted in anger at the sight of her.

She pursed her lips, hands on the curves of her hips, "DERRICK FREDO SANTANA."

Exodus sighed internally. Can she ever catch a break?