i had been laying in my bed staring at my ceiling since i came home three hours ago. i couldn't stop thinking about what happened at school. i wasn't sure if it really happened or if i just made it up. it just felt so... i don't know. i just didn't want to believe it.
i heard a knock at my door and watched it open. it was anthony.
"sky.." he said and sat next to me, i sat up and looked at him, "what happened today?" he asked "nothing happened." i replied and looked away, "sky. honestly? are you really not gonna tell me?" he said
i felt kinda guilty. me and anthony had become very close since me and chase started dating, he was always there for me when chase couldn't, like when it was about payton. i never told chase about payton, or i did but, i never told him it was payton and i never told him we were together for such a long time. for all he knows he was just some guy i once dated then split up with.
"it was payton." i said
"what?! the payton?" he asked
i nodded and looked down, "i'm so sorry sky, listen, tomorrow i'll talk with payton, i'll tell him to leave you alone. okay?"
i smiled, "thank you anthony, but you don't have to do that. i'll talk to him myself." i said
"are you sure?" he asked, "yeah" i replied.
he smiled, "i'll see you tomorrow, call me if you need anything, okay?"
"yeah, sure. bye" i said and hugged him.
and with that i was alone again.
07.20
i still haven't left my bed, i've just been laying here. for hours.
i was scrolling through my phone, reading me and payton's old messages and looking at our old pictures together. i felt bad, cause i really loved chase. but i could never get over payton. not after 3 years with him. i really wanted to talk to him, but at the same time i wanted to move back to my dads so i could avoid him. but that wouldn't be fair, not to my mom or to chase.
i finally decided to leave my bed, i put on some lavender shorts and a white top, then my white checkered vans.
OUTFIT
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i walked downstairs, grabbed my car keys and headed out the door.
i drove to the beach. i was walking along the side of the beach with my shoes in my hands. the sun was setting and it felt like the night i met chase. i realized how much i loved him. i loved payton but he broke me. chase has never come close to hurting me. i couldn't let myself ruin what i had with chase because of what i used to feel about payton.
i was listening to 'better by khalid' when i saw shoes in front of me, i looked up and saw payton.
i took my headphones out, "sky.." he said
i took a deep breath, "i don't think we should talk." i said
"we have to. you know we do." he replied, "what are you even doing here? you disappeared from colorado (i just made something up lmao) and now i find you here?" he said
i looked down at my feet, "sky. answer me." he said
i looked him in the eyes, "no i don't have to answer you. you really fucked me up so i don't owe you anything." i said and began walking past him, he grabbed my arm and turned me around, i was suddenly very close to him.
he looked at my lips then my eyes, "i made a mistake." he said
i felt myself getting lost in his eyes, he stroke his hand down my arm then held my hand
"don't you miss what we had?" he almost whispered
i pulled myself away from him, "i have chase now." i said
he looked at me in shock, "you're with chase?"
"i am in fact. and i'm very happy so why don't you just move back to colorado? you have no reason to be here." i said and began walking away
"my dad passed away." he shouted after me
i stopped and turned around.
"what?" i said as i walked closer to him
"he passed away a few months ago." he said
"i'm so sorry..." i said, i could see a tear forming in his eye, "payton.." i said and hugged him.
the only thing i could never walk away from, was when payton was sad. it just broke my heart.
-
i've been sitting on the sand with payton for at least 3 hours now. he told me about his dad getting sick, and not making it. he told me that he moved to la because he wanted to get away from the sadness in Colorado. he told me that he had been looking for me for months, without luck. after he blocked me everywhere i blocked him too, just so he wouldn't suddenly text me when he missed me. now i kinda regret doing that. i feel like it was my fault, even though i knew it wasn't. he also told me about this girl he dated after me, that only dated him because he was known on social media. he told me that he only were with her because he wanted to forget me. he told me that he felt his heart beat for the first time in months the second he saw me in school. in that moment i forgot about everything. including chase.
