The Breaking The Healing

Missing you feels so heavy.

I wanna be close to him.
All I need is him and his love, I keep praying to have it.
I really fell in love with him, unconditionally.
I woke up missing him.
why.
He treats me so bad.
He doesn't give me any sign of caring.
He doesn't give me any sign of loving.
He doesn't give me any sign of needing me.
He doesn't give me any sign of wanting me.
He doesn't give me any sign of anything.
why am i missing him.

screw him.

does he hate me? why would he.
i'm so lost in my emotions and feelings.
is he thinking of me.
is he coming back.
it's snowing and raining and all i have in mind is being with him. i crave(d) him.
where is this taking me, i really wanna know.

was anything he ever told me is true? it is a dead end? why he makes me feel like i'm so not wanted and hard to love? why it's so okay for him to treat me like this? what did i ever even do to him to treat me like this? why am i suffering this much? is it even worth it? is it worth this heart break? why is he treating me like i am nothing to him? what does he even have in mind? how can i make him love me? why do i even want to. god the feeling of being this broken is horrible. where is this going? where? is it even going anywhere or it's just gonna be a dead story?

I keep checking
everyday
waiting for an answer
from him.
yet i am not getting any.
I check every hour just dying to have a simple hi from you and i'm not getting it. low fucking low for me to feel this low.
as much as i want to believe he is coming back i really have no idea if you are.

It's scary how obsessed I am over him. If someone obsessed over me in this way I would be scared. But I guess you can't really help it when you actually fall in love. Damn, this is a real deep hole, a real sad story. I don't know if I will ever be able to show you all of this, honestly I really want to. Everyday is a sadder day for me. I wanna get out of this as much as I want him for me. I wish I controlled my feelings. It hurts to know he is perfectly fine without me and here I am all I have in mind is nothing and nobody but him. Days are passing so are the break downs. Tears are going down everyday and I know for a fact you're not worth them.