RK800//Connor x Reader

F O R T Y T W O

The week passes slowly and he never left your mind. All you did was sleep, you wished for sweet dreams of him but instead you were met with nightmares. You wouldn't eat, no matter how much Hank or Gavin begged for you to..you couldn't bring yourself to. You barely even spoke. You left your bed since you were no longer bed written,in fact you were told that you'd be able to leave the hospital today. You slowly made your way to the bathroom, you hesitated to look in the mirror for the first time since the incident. Everytime you'd get assistance to use the bathroom you'd avoid even looking into your reflection, you still couldn't believe it. You held back tears that pricked at your eyes, you felt awful about the image before you. Something about it disturbed you greatly and you hated it, you hated yourself. You didn't like this image of yourself, not one bit. You jumped at the sound of a door closing and you yelled out
"Hello?" you peeked out the bathroom door

Gavin quickly looked away,
"Shit--s-sorry!"

you weakly smiled,
"I'm...decent..." you mumbled

"Oh..I..stopped by the store to get you something to wear since you're leaving today. Your other clothes were bloody...and ripped from surgery and stuff.."

"Oh..right. Are you taking me home?"

"Yeah, Hank said that he wanted to but...work and stuff."

You nodded, "Uh..actually, I was wondering if you could help me? If that's not too much for you."

"I--sure..of course not! If you need help, I'll help!"

"Come in here then.."

He sat the bag of clothes on the bed and came into the bathroom,
"Don't make this weird. I just...can't do these things yknow...with--" you looked down at your stump

"Yeah..whatever you need, I promise it won't be weird."

"Okay..first, turn on the shower."

"You can get your stitches wet now?" he reached into the shower to turn on the water

"Yea...only in the shower." you brought your hand up to remove your bandages. The stiches were only slightly dissolving, still very visible.

"Are you...going to get a prosthetic?"

"I have to think about it. My insurance probably can't afford a functioning one..."

He nodded,
"I promise, I'll help cover it."

"No..save your money.."

His face scrunched up a bit but he didn't protest,
"Now what?"

"Can you...untie my gown? In the back."

"Yeah..I--sure." he carefully went behind you, his fingers undoing the tied ribbon. He closed his eyes once it was undone, you let it fall off your body. You slid out of your socks since you were used to removing them with only feet. You climbed into the shower and shut the curtain. You grabbed a towl that was in the shower, poking it out the curtain.

"Could you put soap on my towel."

"Oh! Yeah of course!" he felt around on the sink, knocking over the hand soap

"Gavin, you can open your eyes. I'm in the shower." you suppressed a small laugh

he followed your directions and grabbed the customary hospital provided bottle of soap and squeezed it onto your towel.
"I-I'll be outside the door. Let me know if you need anything!"

"Okay..."
He waited patiently outside the door, you felt bad for taking longer than usual but he'd have to forgive you for your lack of a limb that prevented you from doing normal things as easy. You finally called him and he entered with a large towel and eyes squeezed as shut as they could be. You drew back the curtain and stepped out carefully. You turned your back to him,
"You're gonna have to fold it in the back...I don't want you to have to do it in the front where my....chest is."

"I-I! Alright!" he was super nervous

You raised your arm and he peeked at strictly the back of your head, using only periphial vision to get the towel to wrap around. You let out a gasp and his hand drew back quickly, leaving you to hold the towel to your chest with only one hand.
"Shit! Shit! Did I just touch your tit?! God, I'm so so sorry!!" he sounded like he had just comitted a crime by the guilt and stress that came from his voice

You felt a bit humiliated that you had to have his help with this and it resulted in an awkward mess like this,
"It's okay...just. Help me put on my shirt and I can handle the rest...."

he nodded and left to go get your clothes, you took the opportunity to barely dry your body but it was the best you could do. He threw in the undergarments and pants and once you told him you managed to put them on, he slipped into the room. With his eyes peeking to strictly look at your face so that he'd know where to put the hole of your shirt, he slid it over your head. One of your arms easily slid out the sleeve, you struggled to lift the other; making you feel even worse. Gavin watched you struggle and when he reached his hand out to help you jumped, tears escaping you.
"I can't do anything...I'm a mess!" you cried out

"You're not a mess! Just let me help, it's okay to get help when you need it....especially under your circumstances." he carefully slid his hand into the sleeve to grab the stub and slip it through the sleeve. It was a very odd and foreign feeling for the both of you. He held onto it longer than he probably should've, he apologized and let go.

"I'm sorry it's just...I feel so useless...I can't even care for myself. " you looked away

He moved closer and wiped your tears away, "Shh..it's okay. It's okay, you're still so strong. You can do this, it's just gonna be hard at first." he quickly kissed the top of your head and brought you into a hug. You thanked him and you both left the bathroom, and after slipping on your shoes a doctor entered to give you a checkup before discharge. Gavin threw a jacket he brought over you so that your arm wouldn't be as obvious. He could tell you were very nervous about it. He quickly helped you to the car and you guys headed to your apartment, again you had to be helped. You thanked him numerous times once he sat you on your bed.

"I'll call you if I need anything but...I--I just want to be alone right now.."

he hesitantly nodded, "Okay. I'll bring you some food in a few hours..maybe I can even cook for you?" he smiled

You weakly smiled, "Yeah, okay. Take my spare key, it's on the living room mantle..."

"Alright." he said his goodbyes before leaving and you kicked off your shoes before pushing yourself back into your bed. Looking up at the ceiling, you turned your body towards the wall and began to cry. Truth be told you felt even worse than ever, useless and ugly in your mind. Deformed and gross, and you blamed yourself for everything that happened when you shouldn't. All these unjustified and false thoughts couldn't leave you as you sobbed more and more, only supressing your loud cries with your pillow.
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