Getting To Know Me (Completed)

Day One Seminar

"That is one thing about love - it does exist. 'love' has led so many to depression and for some people it later turned to hate."  

People like me, I admitted, waving my hand and looking around to see who else was like me. I went back to sipping my capri sonne like it was a drug cause each time, I looked up, I sniffed in the air then stared at the speaker, mesmerized. 

"…Love teaches you to love yourself because you can't claim to love another when you have not loved yourself. "

At that point, I began to suck angrily on my capri sonne, getting more angry as I sucked in the last contents of my lovely companion but I was more angry that I was sure I had loved some people but I was not sure I loved myself and hearing her put her ideas that way meant that I had not truly loved. 

I watched as hands were raised. Question time signified the end of the seminar. I looked at the empty packs of capri sonne that were littered around my feet. I needed to release the contents of my bowel as a result of the too much liquid I took in within the one hour seminar. 

I looked at the door, watching everyone hurriedly pack their books  and rush out of the classroom as if their situation was worse than mine; I had been bored to my corpse and I also needed to get home and ease my whole being.  These people rushing out were the same people who had kept quiet the whole time, adding to the boredom and even asked questions to prolong the torture. 

I had been hugging my small leather backpack. I stood up and slipped in a hand then left the class. 

"Whoa!" 

I jumped back and shook my head tiredly. "Not now."

"Did you enjoy the class? " Nellie asked, excitedly. 

Instead of answering, I nodded to the girl she was with. Her name was something that was also a snake's name - Linda, Sandra, Selene?  Well I nodded and she replied by also asking if I enjoyed the class. 

"Did you enjoy yours? " I asked. 

"I don't think there is a more interesting topic than teaching women how to master their power. " Snake's name replied. 

"We talked about love," I said and Nellie started laughing. She had told me to join them but I hated the idea of a crowd of females so I opted for a mixed class. 

"How was it? " her friend asked. She had to ask. 

"Like love; Old and boring, " I said, "I could even add, lame."

Nobody talked again. We walked to the exit of the building, me, walking faster because I had an appointment with the toilet. I felt a jab at my back, I turned to look at Nellie. 

"You are very hopeless," she said.

I don't know why she said that but I nodded and said, "Come, let's go home together. I'm cooking." 

The other girl excused herself. She said she had to fetch water since it was Friday. 

"You are coming with me for this seminar next week, " she said, "by the way, what are you cooking? "

I waved down a bike. "Get a bike and come!  " I shouted, hopping on the bike. Would it not be funny if we called it, 'Okada' 

Nellie came in the evening. She brought drinks she threw on my plastic table immediately she entered the room.

"I can't perceive anything. What did you cook?" She asked, walking to my kitchen.

I ran and blocked the kitchen door. She glared at me. I smiled and tried turning her away. "It burnt. The food burnt."

She struggled to be free from my hold but I could not let her. It would be a disaster to let her go into my kitchen. "I want to see it." 

"You can't see it."

She stilled and stopped struggling. I let her be but still blocked the kitchen. She looked at me with a new revelation. I raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't cook," she said.

Convicted, I nodded. "But I really wanted to cook."

"Kass, get out of my way now."

I stepped away from the angry bird. I sat on the bed waiting for her to finish processing the state of my kitchen and yell. Nothing. She did not yell. My sink was a mess with thousands of dirty plates and dirty pots lined out like soldiers. Those were enough to make her shout but she did not. I stood and went to find out why. 

I almost coiled back into a shell like a snail in shame when I got to the kitchen. It was a temporary feeling though - it was replaced with gratitude that she was washing my dishes.

"I'm sorry," I still said. "I have just been busy."

She said nothing. I leaned on the wall and watched her do my dishes without offering to help. I plugged in my earpiece and went to the window.

That was one time I wished I had a balcony to just stand and stare out. Nellie's anger could be suffocating when she was not yelling.

"Let me get food outside," I said.

Without waiting for her to say anything, I wore a T-shirt over my singlet and stepped out.

It was dark outside but the darkness did not hide the boys at the end of the compound wrapping their blunts. The night gave some girls liberty to walk around almost naked and they put the freedom to good use. 

I loved to see girls who owned their nudity. Without sending anybody's daddy - they wore their shorts and crop tops with confidence - breasts could be exposed, some butt could be showing but they still owned it. I was not like them; I would never own showing any part of me that was supposed to be private.

I got roasted yam and plantain before returning to the house. I kept them on a stool in the kitchen. None of us said a word to the other. I stepped back into the room.

My place was just a self contained apartment. Being in the room felt like I was in the kitchen with her because of how close it was. We were just separated by a wall.

When Nellie came out to the room. She folded her arms and stared at me for long. I removed my earpiece and waited for it.

"Kassy, you should try to be a bit responsible. I don't know if you do all what you do because you are trying to annoy me - it's working."

I bowed my head. She went back into the kitchen and came out with a nylon of roasted yam and plantain I bought. She packaged it with the drinks she bought. I just stared. I knew then she was returning to her Lodge. 

"You have wasted my time enough. I have things to do at home," She said, opening the door. " Come and walk me to the gate." 

I followed her, as silent as a lamb. I wanted to ask her to stay. I planned a movie we could watch that night but I followed her to the gate without a word.

I waited till she got on a bike. "I'll see you on Monday," she said. 

I waved at her figure that was poorly illuminated by the bike's headlights.