Behind A Smile // Matt Espinosa

Chapter 7

( Matts POV )

Addy just left . She listens to me , helps me with whatever , she kind of reminds me of my ex Melissa . She was my girlfriend in my first year of highschool . She had to transfer to California since her dad moved jobs . I wonder if she's still here . Maybe I can see her again and we can date again . I never really got over her . She was probably the best .

I walker upstars to my bedroom and locked the door . I took off my clothes and went into my bathroom . I turned on my shower and stepped in . I stood there for about 15 minutes just staring off into space enjoying the relaxing feel of the water hitting my body . I snapped out of my 15 minute trance and washed my body .

I was done now so I got out and slipped on my boxers and some sweatpants to sleep in . Guess I'll sleep shirtless since it's hot in my room .I walked to my bed and turned off my lights and slipped in . I slowly began to drift to sleep until I saw my phone light up . Should I check it ? Nahh . What if it's Addy and she needs something ? I reached my phone and unplugged the charger . I looked and it wasn't Addy . It was Twitter . I suddenly dreaded the choice of turning on my phone . I started to read all the tweets and they were all hate comments .

@RiderGroom : @TheMattEspinosa you're such a fag . kys . Nobody wants your pathetic ass in this world .

@AlexMendoza : @TheMattEspinosa Loser . You're such a chicken . Did you move because of the mean people here ? Aww how pathetic of you . Can't handle a little hate . I know you still want me . Well too bad hun . I'm not available for dumbasses . I'm still getting my revenge for all the times you hurt me and made feel like shit .

@HolyWhitexoxo : @TheMattEspinosa God never makes mistakes . But I guess I'm wrong because he made you . kys . Bye bitch ...

There was way more . Probably about 50 or more . That's it I've had enough .maybe their right . I should kill myself . Addy wont care . She's only known me for 1 day . She's probably just being nice to me since I told her I used to be bullied . Wow . And to think I actually had a friend . I'm so stupid .

'Matt you're so pathetic . You're stupid . No one loves you . No one ever will . You're just a waiste of space . Do Addy a favor and kill yourself . Loser . ' My mind kept reminding me of the obvious . I read the time . 11 : 30 pm . I walked  to my bathroom but stopped at the door . Should I really do this ? Will Addy care ? No of course not .

I decided to send Addy one last final text . A goodbye text .

" To : Addy XD

Hey . This is probably the last text you'll be recieving from me . I'm sorry Addy . It's best for everyone if I just end it all tonight . Thanks for being such a grood friend even if it was for a day .

xx Matthew Espinosa xx'

I hit send and went inside the bathroom . I bent down and got out my blades from last summer . I sat on the floor and let the tears that were forming a long time ago , out .

I never thought that I'd need these again . I let the bad memories to the front of my mind and pushed aside the good ones . 17 years of no one loving me . No one caring . I'm done . Theres no more happiness left in me . It's all gone ...

I slid the blade across my wrist and said ', this is for all the times I've been bullied ."

cut 2 . " This is for the messed up relationships that I've ruined . "

Cut 3 . " This is for mom ."

Cut 4 ." For Kristian ."

Cut 5 . " For dad ."

Cut 6 . " For Melissa ."

Cut 7 . " For all the people I've hurt ."

Cut 8 . " For the people who've hurt me ."

Cut 9 . " For Carter ."

Cut 10 . " For Addy ."

By now my wrist and the floor were covered in my blood . I stood up and looked up at myself in the mirror.

" Look at yourself Matt . Your ugly , fat , worhtless , unloveable , maybe that's why none of my relationshios have worked out . Because I'm me ..."

I turned on the bathtub and plugged it so none of the water escaped down the drain . After 5 minutes the tub was ready . I grabbed my blades and undressed . I got inside the tub and sat down . I cut fast and deep cuts onto my wrists , thighs ,and  hips. I let go of the blades and layed down in the water face down . I held my breathe for about 30 seconds and ket it go . I breathed in some water and felt the water invade my lungs . Suddenly everything went black and I was finaly sattisfied .

''''''''

Heey c:

So I finaly updated yayyy !!!!!

Sorry for the late update im really busy lol

dont worry the story doesnt end yet :)

ILYSFM AND HAVE AN AWESOME DAYYYY !!!!!

VOTE PLZZZZZ

- Rachell c: