My Little Stargazer(Adopted by Remington Leith)

(20) - Monica

Life kept moving and I had to move with it. Christmas came and went. The new year started and shortly after that tour started back up. I found myself glancing to the side of the stage, looking for Cherry. She was never there. I was moving past it. I didn't want to. January was nearing its end. It had been almost two months since I'd lost Cherry. Monica was amazing. Even though she'd never cared for Cherry, at least not the way I had, she knew how important Cherry had been to me. She knew how much it hurt to lose her. Fans often asked where Cherry had gone. I could never make myself talk about it and Sebastian or Emerson would jump in and change the subject. We were busy. Touring, writing, recording. It helped keep my mind of Cherry, but at night she was all I could think about. Was she okay? Was he hurting her? Would I ever see her again? I had promised that I would see her again.

———

   Most of January and February are a blur, but I remember one day right before the end of February I was limping around the venue watching everyone setting up. I'd hurt my ankle the night before, nothing bad. It was just bruised. I had Cherry's lion in the pocket of my jacket.
"Rem?" Sebastian called from the stage, "We're ready to start." I limped over and hauled myself up onto the stage. I stood there, one hand on the mic the other in my pocket that held the lion. We were starting with How Do You Do. I opened my mouth to start singing and it was like the words were stuck in the back of my throat.
"Remington?" I tried to turn to look at Sebastian and twisted my ankle just a little bit. It screamed in protest and gave out underneath me. I sat down hard. My right hand slapped the ground hard and my left elbow hit the ground and gave out under me too. I just laid there, both legs bent at awkward angles under me, head pounding, ankle screaming, hand on fire, and I couldn't bring myself to get up. I couldn't even try. I just laid there and closed my eyes.
"Uh-Remington?" Emerson asked.
"I can't." I whispered. Sebastian moved closer to the drum kit and had a whispered conversation with Emerson. I heard my name.
"Stop talking about me. I'm tired not deaf."
"We're worried about you, dipshit." Sebastian said and nudged me with his foot.
"And I'm worried about her." I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was frowning.
"Do you need help?"
"What? Like therapy?" I asked.
"No, stupid, like standing."
"Oh." I laid there for a few more seconds. "Yeah." I stuck my arm up and he grabbed my hand, hauling me up. "Sorry." I rubbed my elbow and my ankle. Then I took a deep breath and grabbed the mic. I kept my weight off my sore ankle and started to sing. I tried not to think about Cherry for the rest of the day. I tried to focus on the concert and the fans, but I couldn't. I felt empty, numb. For the first time in my life I didn't want to perform. And that hurt, but I couldn't make myself want to. I did it, but the entire I was up there all I wanted was to sleep. I tried. I tried to enjoy myself, to my put on a good show, but I wasn't fooling anyone.

———

    When February ended I went home. I went to see Monica. Sebastian and Emerson went someplace with their girlfriends. Monica and I had dinner, we saw a movie, we spent a day in bed. It was nice not having any responsibilities. Mon and I had talked. She knew how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I fought with myself a lot, trying to decide if I should have told Sebastian and Emerson, but in the end it was just easier to talk to Mon.

———

   Three days into March I finally conceded defeat. I had failed Cherry. I had lost her and I would probably never see her again. It hurt. But it helped. It helped to stop pretending, to stop holding on to false hope. I started writing more. I started to come out of my depression just a bit. It wasn't much, but it was progress. And then one morning I woke up and things were almost okay. I could smile without forcing it, I felt hungry and I didn't feel so empty. I remember looking over at Monica while we were laying in bed and realizing that life was okay. And realizing that I didn't want to lose Monica. So after a lengthy conversation with Sebastian I went to find a ring. And talk to Monica's dad. Her dad was thrilled. I went to three different jewelry stores before I found the  perfect ring. And then I set to planning. I had to come up with the perfect proposal.

———

   Later that night we were curled up in bed watching The Office and I knew exactly how I was going to propose.
"What are you smiling about?" She asked, grabbing my hand.
"I love you." She smiled and I pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles.
"I love you too."
"We're Soupsnakes." She smiled and nodded.
"We are." She rested her against my chest and I put my arm around her shoulders. I kissed the top her head. Things would be okay. Somehow.
"Pam, obviously I'm gonna get that stuff for you!" Dwight's voice was the only noise in our room. For the first time in months I felt happy. Cherry stilled weighed heavy on my mind, but there was nothing I could do. Or so I thought.

Guys, this book has gotten so much amazing feedback. I can't thank you enough! We're getting close to the end now. I have two, possibly three, more chapters planned.  But I'm planning a sequel.

Anyway thanks for the votes and comments!

Avery L.