Fight Club ©

C H A P T E R E I G H T

It's not that I blame myself. Not that I violently shake when sickness comes over me and I try to shake it off. But some days I question why can't I just feel happy. Not that I don't laugh every so often but just the fact I feel nothing not sadness but not happiness.

Tss

Punch

Tss tss

And this is why I love boxing. I can mindlessly lose myself in a world where I'm fine.

But if I looked to my side I knew my face would go and I'd have to walk away because even just knowing his presence was there.

Close enough to touch but far enough to imagine he wasn't there. But it was the sound of his oozing voice as he spoke that nearly made me stumble and for obvious reasons I started to train harder like my life depended on that second like fish depend on water, penguins depend on ice. And what I never want to truly admit over the few weeks I've known him and the few days I've blocked him out I knew now,

I depended on him.

And now I don't have him, I'm falling apart into my own self destruct the same way I did when I lost my grand father figure. It's like gaining and losing and over and over and over to the point I want to give up. And as the swet dribbled down my back I upercutted so hard to the punching bag it fell off it's hinges and I casually walked away knowing he turned around was enough to know he'd at least think about me.