the loner

Chapter 16 - An Escape

     I arrived at my Uncle Sean and Aunt Jemmy's place at noon on Tuesday. It's was about a four hour drive from my house. My parents walked me to the door. I knocked twice and the door opened a second later. There stood my Aunt Jemmy with the roundest belly I've ever seen. I squealed.
    "Why didn't you say anything?!?" I exclaimed, embracing her in a tight hug. Her and my uncle had been trying for kids for years but no such luck... until now that is. My aunt ushered us inside and explained everything to us quickly since she knew my parents had to be getting back to work. She was eight months pregnant and they were expecting a little girl.
    "I'm gonna have a cousin!" I said excitedly. She laughed. "Where's Uncle Sean?" I asked.
     "Work. As always." She rolled her eyes and joked but I could tell she missed him. I quickly said my goodbyes to my parents and suddenly they were gone.
    "So, what's the real reason you're here? I'm not stupid. I know you needed an escape but I'm happy to be it." She said as we walked down the hall to the guest room. She opened the door and sat on the bed. I put down my bag and started unpacking. I didn't answer her. "A guy?" She asked. I blushed. Damn, redheads can't get away with shit.
     "I knew it! So, what's his name?" She questioned.
      "I don't want to talk about it Aunt Jemmy. Please?" I pleaded.
      "Fine, just cause I'm the best. I'll leave you to unpack." She stood up semi-gracefully and left the room. I finished unpacking and decided I would do what I said I wouldn't.
     I had silenced my phone this morning because I didn't want someone to try to convince me to stay but since I was here, I didn't see the harm. I pulled out my phone and checked it. Five missed calls and six text messages. One voicemail. Let's start easy. I checked the texts.
Why aren't you at school?

Why won't you pick up the phone?
 
Are you ok?

Did I do something wrong? I thought telling you the truth would help.

Please call me.

Ok. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.

     I frowned at the screen. I clicked on the voicemail and held the speaker to my ear.
"Hey, I'm not sure what happened. Are you okay? Luna said you wouldn't even talk to her. I'm sorry for whatever I did, just come back. I need you. Call me." I need you that's all I could get. I'm just a distraction to him. I turned off my phone completely and tossed it into a desk drawer. Out of sight out of mind. I pulled out a sketchbook and watercolor brush pens from my bag and went out to the backyard.
     This is why I loved their house. It was a beach house with the most beautiful sunsets and views. I sat out there for hours drawing my surroundings. I went inside for some dinner around five in the afternoon. When I stepped into the kitchen Uncle Sean was talking with Aunt Jemmy.
"Uncle Sean!" I gasped and launched myself into his arms. He hugged me back tightly, swinging me off the ground like a little kid, I laughed.
"Hey Jaebird, how ya been?" He has been calling me Jaebird since I came out of the womb so I doesn't really bug me anymore, most of the time.
"Pretty good! You?" I asked nudging his shoulder and waggling my eyebrows.
"Well I'm gonna have a daughter so I'm doing pretty good." He grinned ear-to-ear. This positivity is just what I needed.
"Y'all ready to eat?" Aunt Jemmy said placing a dish of something delicious onto the kitchen table. I nodded vigorously, licking my lips hungrily. We enjoyed a nice dinner, talking about everything easily and it almost made me forget why I was here in the first place. Almost.
      Suddenly I was in the guest room, alone once again and it all came rushing back. I felt hollow inside. I grabbed a pillow and wrapped my limbs around it, trying my best to pretend it was the boy I wished were here, and thats when I realized... I'm in love with him. Oh no. No no no no NO. This was not good. I hadn't even known him for that long and suddenly I felt this strongly about him? I didn't even think of myself as someone who fell in love easily, if at all. It just snuck up on me all at once and thats when the tears came. They soaked the pillow and just kept coming. It was a silent cry, not the gut-wrenching sobs I had been expecting. In a moment of weakness I grabbed my phone and turned it on. I played his voicemail over and over, desperate for his voice. It wasn't enough. I felt like I was in hysterics. I opened the door to my bedroom and crept down the hall. I slid the sliding glass door open and closed it behind me. I gulped in the fresh air and leaned against the side of the house. I closed my eyes. Don't do this. I told myself. I did it anyway, I opened my eyes and pulled out my phone. I scrolled through my contacts till I came across his name. In one moment of weakness I hit the call button.
I instantly regretted it. There was no going back now though. I held the phone up to my ear. It was around eleven now, he was probably asleep. But on the fourth ring he picked up.
"Jae? Oh thank god. Are you ok?" He asked sounding so concerned. It just made me love him more. I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears. "Sunshine?" I instantly whimpered, he hadn't called me that since the first day we met.
"I'm fine." I pressed my eyes closed.
"Where are you? I went by your house but no one answered."
"My aunt and uncle's."
"I don't understand." He sounded so sad.
"Why didn't you ever ask me?" I said without thinking. He didn't respond for a moment.
"What do you mean?" He said quietly.
"You know exactly what I mean." I knew he did or he wouldn't have reacted the way he did.
"I-I don't know. I was still recovering from Lana and I didn't want a repeat of that—" I cut him off.
"Did you just compare me to the psycho you call an ex?"
"No that's not what I meant. I just meant—" I cut him off again.
"Do you regret not asking me?" I whispered. I had to know, even if I didn't like the answer. He paused. He took too long though, I knew his answer. "Ok."
"No wait—" I hung up. I'm such an idiot. I just made it worse. Now the hole in my heart has turned into a full on tunnel. And it hurt like a bitch. The tears fell again but this time ten times stronger. I raced back to the guest room, I chucked my phone under the bed and buried my face into the pillow. There were the sobs I had been missing earlier. Luckily the pillow covered up most of the noise and I was free to let out all my emotions. Eventually I ran out of tears and turned over. I saw the light coming from my phone flashing every time he called. I watched it until I fell into a restless slumber.
I woke up the next morning with a throat so dry it felt like sandpaper and my contacts fused to my eyeballs. I felt relaxed and calm in that one split second, then I remembered everything. I felt the tears threatened to come back but I shook my head and took a couple of deep breaths. I left my phone under the bed and walked to the bathroom. I pried my contacts from my eyes but they were ruined and I didn't have any more. Glasses it is then. I went to the kitchen for some breakfast. It was ten, jeez I slept in a lot longer than I thought. I poured myself some cereal and ate in silence. I decided to make this a Calix free trip. Free of the thoughts, sounds, or anything remotely resembling him. It made me feel a lot better, almost like I was getting over him. I could get through this.