[Discontinued] Not Equal

three // unusual coincidences

Faith and I walk down towards the waiting room, but I have to go to the bathroom, so I leave the room and follow the path to the bathroom.

There are over five hundred Females here for Pre Pairing Picture, and it is crowded. I elbow around girls wearing brightly colored dresses and face covering slathered on their faces like that time where I spilled something on the floor, coloring the floor blue and red and green. Color. The word rushes into my head. I know what that word is, but it somehow sprouts a spiraling path of head-aching, distant memories.

I close my eyes, pressing against the wall to avoid any frantic Females rushing down the Hallway to the waiting room, and lose myself in the memory that I can barely remember.

It's a strange feeling, watching a younger version myself do things I remember so vaguely and yet so distantly. I can see little Ellie, only a Three, curled up on the floor. Mother isn't home; however, she's still at the Males' place, laboring until ten at night. I was a Seven when this happened, I remember. Everything is coming back, after nine times of turning older. Years. That word, too. Nine years. I'm not sure why I forgot that word before, did I have a Check?

I watch mesmerized. But I'm not listening; I try to tell myself. This is such a violation of the Five Instructions, these evil Thoughts that I have but no one else has.

My younger self tiptoes past little Ellie, past the familiar old, worn-down couch that every home had, and into the tiny corner where Mother kept the stacks of papers requesting-no, demanding her service.

Something exploded in my heart. Feeling. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't have this when I was a Ten, or Eleven, or Twelve, why now?

My heartbeat goes up as my younger self reaches underneath a stack of paper...

...revealing a canvas. Like the ones that the Males have.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

I remember this now.

Little Maddie dips her finger into a can of colored liquid that was hidden behind a stack of books..paint. Her-my thumb brushes across the canvas, turning the paper into an explosion of pink. I watch as she adds other colors that explode across the paper, turning into a sunset.

The door bursts open. Mother is at the door, along with three Male Advisors, and she is red with fury. A Feeling, but the Advisors don't seem to care. Little Maddie looks up in shock, dropping the can of paint she was dipping her finger in, staring at the high Advisors.

The Advisors were the third in charge, second only to the Chief Elder and his circle of Elders. There were precisely one thousand two hundred and forty of them, and they maintained everything in the city, including the Checks.

The Advisors steps in front of Mother, one of them holding something sharp in their hands. A serum injector. Another Advisor grabs Little Maddie. Little Maddie's eyes widen, and she looks terrified. She squeals and tries to wriggle out of their hands.

The Male places the serum injector on Little Maddie's shoulder and presses down.

There's a click of pain. I can feel it, too, on my shoulder.

Then Little Maddie slumps down, and spots of black appear at my vision. Then the scene disappears.

. . .

"Hey."

A voice rings in my ear. It's strangely deeper than what I'm used to.

"You okay?"

I flinch — a question.

My eyes flicker open. I'm slumped down, head against the wall, one of my legs propped up to keep me from swaying. Someone's legs are staring at me.

I look up.

It's a Male.

The hallway has thinned out, but they still haven't started calling names out. But it feels empty like we're the only ones there, and I feel my heart beating in panic.

"You okay?"

My heart thumps. "Y-yeah."

The Male has the same astonishing blue eyes as the one before-and then I realize he's the same one. "Good." He leans back, his eyes glinting softly. He has tan skin-I didn't notice that before. He's a whole head and a half taller than me, around 5'9, while I am only 5'2.

He's almost...pretty.

But I could never say that out loud. I shouldn't even be Thinking it.

A small little Thought courses through my head, ignoring my protests. The serum. That serum makes everyone obedient. That's what they did, what they did to me. And it's wearing off...

The last thought is even worse than before.

I'm deformed.

"Hey. Hey!" I look up. The Male is staring at me, waving his hands in front of my face.

I blink. "Oh! I'm fine." I stand up, blushing slightly. The Male studies my face. I can imagine him looking through my soul, seeing my Thoughts and Feelings. I shiver. That can never happen.

"What's your name?" He asks, after a long pause.

"My-my name? Cadilynn Marter. I mean, Madilynn Carter. But most people can call me Maddie." I stutter, lost in his sea blue eyes.

"Hi there, Maddie. My name is Cole Harborson." He says. I still can't get used to his deep voice.

Oh my god, I think I'm in love.

No, no, no.

This is the worst Feeling of them all.

This can't be happening.

Hey brain, if I say it's not happening, it's not happening, okay?

Okay.

Not happening.

Deep breaths.

I force myself to not look into his eyes. "Hi, Cole." What a beautiful name. I smile thinly. "I, uh, gotta go."

"Oh. Well, then, goodbye, Cadilynn." He smiles in amusement.

Cheeks burning, I rush out of the scene, running to the bathroom, still trying to look dignified.

~~

author's note

aaaah tysm for almost 50 reads!

soon, there will be a new character introduced. can't tell you about it, I'm not giving spoilers! :D

cote! Heart heart heart! ciao!