[Discontinued] Not Equal

ten//shooting star

I peel open my eyes, but every blink feels like torture. This is it. I think. I'm done. I'm dead. I gaze around. The room is filled with a blurry white light. Is this heaven? I try to sit up, but the burn in my arm spikes all the way up my arm and stops at the side of my neck.

"Don't sit up." Ellie's voice sounds from behind me. I crane my neck to look over at her. Ellie is holding a tray containing all sorts of strange bottles and needles. On the tray lies several cloths soaked in blood, along with two clean cloths.

Frick. Why is my arm hurting so much? My eyes dart over to my throbbing arm. Images flash before my eyes, the scared little girl cowering in front of Eric, the axe, Eric staring at me, the gun, and the blood.

Ah. I grit my teeth, trying to cease the pain.

I am lying down on the table, sweat and blood dripping from my body.

Ellie removes the bandage and cleans off some of the blood. She applies a tourniquet and raises my arm above my chest.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my curiosity overtaking me.

"That's a Question," Ellie says sharply, not looking at me. "Drink some water." She commands, holding out a cup of water.

I am not used to being ordered around by my sister, but I obey.

The water is cool and feels good in my throat. Once I drink it, I feel better.

No, I'm not magically healed. Better is the word I used. Not good.

Mother is lying on her bed right now, staring at the bottom of the bunk above her. "Maddie. You have your Pre Pairing ceremony tomorrow. I expect you to be well dressed in the white dress that they have provided for you." Mother turns to Ellie to discuss Ellie's ceremony, but her words are blurred in my ears.

Right. The white dress. The same dress that all Females wore to the Pre Pairing ceremony and the Pairing. In every Female home unit, there were four pieces of clothing given by the City for each child. One was the simple gray shirt and gray pants worn indoors ( Females of higher importance got nicer clothes ), one was the Pre Pairing picture dress ( differs depending on the importance of the mother ), one was the outdoor clothing, and the last was the white dress, made for the Pairing ceremony and the Pre Pairing ceremony.

The more important Females, otherwise known as the Marked, had beautiful velvet and silk dresses. Real pearls, diamonds, rare jewels that we have never heard of all blanket the finely woven silk.

But we are not Marked.

Our Pairing dress was much like the dress I wore for the picture, except it is engulfed in more material. In other words, poofy. There are not any real jewels on the dress, but the dress is made out of a silky material that resembled silk but did not meet the expectations. It is covered with lace and had a red rose pinned on the chest.

I don't enjoy that dress, one bit.

After Ellie and Mother fell into a slumber, I sit upon the table, wincing as pain shot up my arm. I shakily walked over to where the white dress is held and lay it on the floor.

I take out a pair of scissors, a pink dye that we made from flowers, Mother's sewing kit, and the blouse Cole gave me.

...

I wake up extra early the next morning. I look over at the clock- 3 am. I sigh, looking over at the project I've been working on all night. My fingers brush the silky fabric. My lips are dry and cracked but I smile anyway.

I worked until one in the morning, fixing the dress. Now that I realize it, I only got two hours of sleep, but now that I am awake, I can't sleep again.

I check the cupboards for any food that could serve as breakfast, but it is empty, containing only the salt and the flavoring. I close my eyes. The Chief Elder must be furious after last night. He definitely wouldn't be stocking our cupboards with breakfast, much less dinner. We would be starving for a while now.

I open the door and sit on the concrete steps, letting the door close behind me. The sky is dark, dotted with dark purple and blue specks. The moon shines behind the trees, and when I shift, moonlight flows over me, soaking my skin in pleasure.

I close my eyes, enjoying the light.

The door behind me opens, and Ellie steps out of the home. I look up at her, and she sits next to me on the steps.

"Hello," I say softly. Ellie doesn't respond. She stares up at the stars. "You're awake," I whisper finally. "Yes. I heard you leave." Ellie says curtly.

"Is Mother awake?" I ask. Ellie doesn't flinch. "No."

I look over nervously at the Advisors circling the neighborhood. We could get in trouble for being outside after curfew- or even worse, they would recognize me from last night and turn me in. To my horror, they started walking towards us. I angle my head down, shifting out of the moonlight.

"Hey! Why are you out before curfew ends?" The Advisors shout sharply.

"Today is my Pre Pairing," I say quietly, keeping myself meek and innocent. "We are allowed to be out early."

The Advisors eye each other. "We have not heard of such a rule." One of them hisses.

"Go ahead and shoot me," I smirk. "I don't think my Pair would be very happy if he had to have a change of plans." I let the words hang in the air. The Advisors whisper to each other for a while. Finally one of them clears their throat. "You are excused." He says.

Once their footsteps fade into the darkness, I let out the breath I've been holding in. "You are a good actress," Ellie says simply.

We sit in silence after that, staring at the moon and the stars blanketing the vast purple sky. Peeking behind the trees is a shooting star, crossing the sky and glowing with beauty.

My fingers twitch nervously. Who will my Pair be? My heart drums in my chest. Cole? I brush away the Thought. There is no way that such a coincidence would happen. I have to be ready for a life of submission to someone I don't know, someone I can't show who I really am.

I won't like them as I like him.

Love. I've never..experienced what that feels like. A foreign, forbidden Feeling. I squeeze my lips tight together and hug my knees. I'm not sure yet if I love Cole. I know that we are more than just people, maybe even more than friends. The Feeling I feel around Cole is indescribable, I don't think anyone would understand unless they loved someone. Around Cole, it's like nothing exists except him. Around Cole, I feel like we can forget about the City and the limits that we have and the Five Instructions because I'm with him. Around him, I feel safe, protected from the Elders and their rules.

I feel like myself.

~~

author's note: um what... just a couple days ago we reached 200+ views ( I was a bit late xD ) but now we're at 300+????? WHAT???? I never even imagined..what...I swear yesterday we were still at 270...

Ahhh finally we have reached a rank! #190 out of 10.7K stories in freedom?? WHAT??? tysm guys this means a lot to me!!

Don't forget to cote!!!!