[Discontinued] Not Equal

two // preparing

Today is Pre-Pairing Day.

Mother wants me to prepare so that I won't look dead when they take my picture. This confuses me.

"Why are we not allowed to be selfish and look at our appearance, but we must be tidy and look pretty for the photo?" I ask.

Mother looks at me strangely. "You asked a question, Maddie," Her voice is duller than usual.

"I apologize."

Mother looks at me, blankly. "You are forgiven." She says. Her hand twitches for the doorknob. I flinch. Usually, Mother kept all my mistakes a secret. Was she going to report it?

"Di-" I swallow the question before I can finish it. "You had a Check today," I whisper hoarsely.

Mother doesn't respond for a while. She lifts her head to stare at me, her dull, empty eyes looking into my soul. "I did."

The Check was like a doctor's appointment almost, but instead, they checked if you were doing well following the Five Instructions. Only Females above Sixteen did them. At the end of the Check, they inject you with a serum that lasts about a week and enhances your ability to follow the Five Instructions. It was invented a couple of years ago by the Chief Elder's son when I was a Six.

I bite my dry lips.

"Maddie put on more lipstick."

I breathe heavily. I don't want to wear makeup. I don't want to impress some random guy who I can't even like back. I won't even see him after my birth years have passed. But I can't ignore a direct order from my mother. Reluctantly, I trace my lips with the tube and watch the splash of red appear across my cracked lips in the mirror.

I'm wearing a tight white lace dress that hugs every curve of my frame from the waist up and flows down softly into a soft, upside down V, ending just below my knees with another layer of lace and pearls. The neckline starts just below my shoulders, revealing my bare skin, hastily hidden underneath pearls. Just above my heart, there are three white flowers strung to lace and pearls to keep the theme.

I hate it.

Mother looks at me. For a moment, I thought I saw some Feeling in there, but it quickly vanished. "Wear your flower crown, Maddie." She says.

I grimace. The flower crown is white and pink and is even more hideous than the dress. I place it upon my head, while Mother fixes my hair.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Mother lets go of my hair to open the door.

"We're looking for a Madilynn Carter for the Pre Pairing Picture." A Male-oh my gosh, it's a Male. I've only ever seen the Chief Elder at the ceremonies, but no other Males went. And it was never this close up.

The Male saw my reaction. He looked at me, tilting his head sideways just the slightest fraction of an inch. "What a remarkably beautiful young woman." He commented.

I bristled, but then remembered I wasn't supposed to show any Feelings. "Thank you," I say slowly. "I got it from my mother."

The Male smiled. Then he turned to another Male behind him. "Tell 'em we got them all. Time to begin transport."

. . .

I get on the bus, searching for a seat. Buses are usually only for Males, while the Females must walk. It feels strange that all I have to do is sit down and then we'll be there.

Most seats are full, with Females hanging from the edge of the seat. I find a seat in the middle-back where there are only two Females, and sit down.