green + blue {not to be finished}

louis

alone. that's all i feel now. that's all i think i've ever felt, and all i will ever feel. utter loneliness. i thought... i thought harry felt something too. now, i'm not trying to be soppy and i don't really believe in love at first sight, but, i don't know... maybe i do. or maybe i'm just alone, and i'm desperate and harry was the only one there. no matter what i'm fucking confused. who the hell sweeps in like hero, kisses you with the fire of a thousand suns, and then decides it all means nothing? i guess harry does. but no, i won't accept that, he was a literal knight in shining armor, i don't know what would've happened to me tonight if harry hadn't swooped in and saved me, but i know it wouldn't have been anything good. there's still time, his shape hasn't fully disappeared from my view and there's got to be a way i can fix this. i know i don't want to set him off again, after all he seems just as confused as i am, but i do know i don't just want to lose whatever it is we started tonight. so i grab a torn up receipt out of my pocket, rip off the only part not printed on and write to him:

harry, everybody's a stranger at first. if you want to change that, call me. - louis

i then quickly write my number at the bottom while i start speed walking towards him, he's so close to the door, but i cant lose this opportunity, this could be something great. so i run and press his broad shoulders with my small palm, i look so small next to him, he towers over everybody, he's intimidating yet beautiful, like a painting in a classy art museum. you just want to watch him, just admire him but you're scared to just reach out and, touch. but i do, the warmth from his body immediately emanating onto my own, making my whole body shiver from just one simple touch, i start to butterfly's dance on my stomach like a teenage girl at prom. then i remember what i came here for, so i slip the paper in his hand, unable to think of anything to say, taken aback by the confused look of longing and fear on his beautiful face. i only let my eyes linger for a second, afraid i might never be able to look away if i don't leave now.

as i move out the door, i'm met by even colder air than before as the night has gotten darker, the sky a dark and plain black, the only stars i've seen tonight swim in harry's eyes. i walk slower to my car than i would've liked, assuming harry might still be watching me, afraid to look as if i was running away from him. once i reach my car i tuck myself inside it's warmth and further blast the heater in an attempt to heat myself before i even try to drive. my hands feel like bags of ice and my toes, well i'm not sure if i even have any anymore.

as i pull out of the parking lot everything that happened tonight comes flooding back in my mind. i was harassed by a scary stranger, saved by a different, kind, stranger, infatuated the second his green eyes met mine of blue. infatuated. harry, harry's who's full name i don't know, harry who's eyes are the most beautiful shade of green known to man, harry who's pink lips taste oddly like bubble gum and who's hair curls perfectly atop his shoulders. harry who i met for the first time no longer than an hour ago. harry who won't stop entering my train of thought, like he booked a one way ticket to my mind and never plans on leaving.

after about half an hour of pointless and infuriating traffic, consisting of stupid people who don't know how to drive and thoughts of handsome strangers, i finally saw the familiar sight of my apartment complex. home sweet home, i guess. once i was parked in the garage i hopped on the elevator and pressed floor 1 (the garage is underground) where my warm apartment was waiting for me. once the elevator doors opened i was surrounded by the familiar scent of Diana's cats (my old lady neighbor) and Olivia's overuse of perfume (my other neighbor, she always seemed young to be living on her own to me, but i like to mind my own business). i pulled out my key to apartment 28, and stepped inside to the familiar hallway leading to my somehow messy although never used kitchen, and my small living room practically swimming in blankets and pillows.

not long after i had showered the night off of me and changed into a more comfortable white shirt and pajama bottoms i heard my phone buzz on my bed. as soon as i heard it my heart filled with expectations and excitement over harry, he might actually want to get to know me. he might actually be different. i quickly snagged my phone off my bed and opened it to a message from my friend liam... disappointing to say the least.

hey louis!! haven't hung in a while, wanna go to lunch some time this week and catch up?

i read the text and was reminded of just why we hadn't hung in a while, was it all my fault? i like to think i'm social, i mean i went to a club tonight, but i always push people away. always with out fail when somebody gets close enough to really know me, i freak out. i realize that they can use anything i've told them against me, that they might just be playing with me, using me. it all becomes so real. but i had tried to change myself for liam, he was so kind and he really cared, unlike anyone i'd met before, i wanted to reciprocate that level of friendship. he was really just a big teddy bear when you got to know him, but i was the exact opposite, that scared me. i just assumed that because i had never really had friends that i never could, i assumed that because we were so different liam would hate me, he would leave me like everyone else had. but, he hasn't. he's stuck with me through all my shit from summer flings to depressions and anxiety attacks. but i've been pushing him away too.

i start to type on my phone to reply with a no thank you, i'm busy. but who u would i be fooling? we both know i don't have anywhere to be and nobody to be with. so i decide, that maybe liam can help me out with all this harry stuff i'm dealing with. i mean, liam is known to be quite the ladies man, i'm sure he's dealt with something like this before, and if not he'll know how to.

sure liam, i've actually got something to talk to you about, how's monday sound?

i text him back and await a response, when my phone i buzzes i grab it quickly and my jaw almost hits the floor when i see what it says, and who it's from.

louis, i'm sorry for what i said. let's stop being strangers, when are you free? - H

harry. i now have a tall handsome strangers number in my phone, and a tall handsome strangers text on my screen. when am i free? always. i do nothing ever, i don't have a job right now, after i just got fired from my job at the mall near here, i guess i should start looking for a job, actually, rent might start getting to heavy for me to carry. but that's the least of my concerns right now, currently i need to find a way to respond to harry with out sounding to desperate but also not to uninterested. i start to type and just let my thumbs do all the work for me.

for you, i'm always free. just tell me when and where xx

i presses send before realizing how absolutely cheesy and cliché i sounded. i even signed it with a 'xx'!! who am i? i guess the damage is done now, all i can do is sit and stare at my screen, knowing absolutely nothing of what is about to happen. what if he changes his mind? what if i weird him out? wow i just really wish i could jump off a cliff and be done with this all right now. i just want to get this itch out of my heart and this longing out of my mind anyway i can. i don't know why i'm like this, i hate myself. why must i always overreact? why do i always make something out of nothing and then torch myself over it? why am i even here. then, as soon as i started walking towards my bathroom to re-open sealed slices on my worn wrists, i hear the buzz and harry's name popped up on my screen.

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authors note:
i keep writing and idk how to stop help me. also sorry the chapters are each kind of short but idk :( i like them sO i hope you do too lol