Our Own Angels

Chapter 8

The next couple of days go by fast. I've been tutoring Silas for one full week. He got his first B on an Anatomy test so I think it's going well. Sometimes he stays for dinner and sometimes he has to go home early. We've gotten much closer each time he comes over, not just with me but with Alice and Eli. He's not treating us badly at school like he used to but he isn't that comfortable in school yet. Silas is still quiet and still the "mysterious" boy. I'm not forcing him to talk to us. He has his good days and bad days. But he does act like a whole different person in school and at my house.

It's Thursday morning. Sitting in homeroom, I help Silas with his Spanish test today.

"Again. What are the conjugations for AR preterite?" I ask him once more. He rubs his temples. As I take a closer look at his face, I've noticed that he has dark circles.

"-é, -aste, -ó, -amos, and -aron." He sighs when I smile.

"See you got it. Stop stressing out." I turn back around and continue to read my book.

"That's funny coming from you."

"What?" I turn back around annoyed.

"How are you going to tell me to stop stressing when you do the same thing?" I look at him confused.

"I hear you stress out at lunch. You always tap your pencil on your desk whenever there's a test or quiz in front of you and you probably don't notice this but you space out all the time when you study." He raises his eyebrows at me as if to say that he's correct.

"You don't miss a thing." I reply.

"You overthink." He replies.

"Sometimes I wonder if you really need my help." I turn back around in annoyance once more.

"What does that mean?" He taps my shoulder when I don't respond.

"It's like every time I try to help you at school, you always have something to say. You never fight with me at my house." That shut him up. He looks back down at his notes. We both stay silent until the bell rings for our first class.

In study hall, I take a seat in my regular spot by the window. Silas is a minute late but the teacher obviously doesn't care because it's study hall. As he walks past me, he drops a note on my desk and takes a seat behind me. Without looking at it, I stand up and throw it in the trash. As I walk back to my desk, it's almost impossible for me not to laugh at his face. His mouth is open and his eyes look at me with disbelief. I sit back down and put my headphones back in. I already know what the note read. It probably said, "I'm sorry for being rude" or "I don't know why I said that", something around those lines. Every time I feel like we're moving forward he always wants to move backward. At my house we're fine we even act like friends. At school Silas only talks to me because he needs help with something or if he's forced to. The bell rings and I had to my last class.

At the end of the day, I rush to get my stuff and go to my car. When I reach my car, there's a note on my windshield.

"Look, I had a bad day. I'm sorry, I'll see you later." I roll my eyes. I think I've gotten at least three of these notes already.

Later that day, I pick up Eli and take a shower before Silas arrives. I put on leggings and a hoodie. I sit in the living room with Eli and watch TV as I wait for him. He arrives around 4 and Alice opens the door for him.

"Hey Alice." Silas walks in and takes his shoes off.

"Silas, welcome back. You know the drill, there's snacks in the dining room and I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Alice welcomes him in.

"Silas!" Eli runs towards him and hugs his waist.

"Hey bud, what's up?" He takes his jacket off and yet again, I'm distracted by his almost transparent white shirt.

"Nothing, can you play with me later?" He asks holding a toy plane.

"Of co-" Before he can say something, I intercede.

"Eli, you know why he's here. I have to tutor him, he's not your playmate. I'll play with you later ok?" I say and he looks at me like as if I hit him.

"What's with her?" Alice whispers to Silas.

"Uh..bad day I guess?" He follows me up the steps. Did he really just say "bad day"?

When we get to my room, we sit in ur normal spots. We both take our notes out and lay them on the desk.

"Okay so we're going to start with Anatomy. Do you have your-" He cuts me off.

"I'm sorry okay. I'm sorry for being rude to you this morning. I don't mean to say those things they just come out. I had a rough morning and yeah..I'm sorry." He turns his body to face me.

"How many times have we had this conversation?" I roll my eyes.

"I know okay. I know but I'll try to-"

"You'll try? How many times are you going to try? You know Silas, I'm really trying to not make this tutoring thing miserable for the both of us. But you're making it almost impossible. If you think that I'm mad because you said I'm stressed, think again." He stays silent so I continue. "You're not the only one that has bad days. I have bad days too but I don't treat people like shit do I?" For a second, he keeps his head low and then, he looks back up and sighs. His eyebrows are scrunched.

"My bad days aren't like yours. Does the person you rely on the most and who raised you come home drunk every single night? To the point where she can't stand up and throwing up all over your feet? Do they waste all of your money at casinos or on drugs and alcohol? Do they get so drunk that even the neighbors have to call you at three in the morning to let you know that they're passed out in front of your house?" His eyes fill to the brim with tears. He bites his lip to force himself to not cry. A small tear rolls down his cheek. In this moment, I want to take back everything I said and slap myself over and over again. He's right. I assume everything about everyone. I don't know what to say or what to do. I just want to give him a hug and make his troubles go away. Before I realize what I'm doing, I get up and do exactly just that. He flinches when we make skin to skin contact. His tense muscles tighten at first but soon relax under my touch. My small arms wrap around his torso and surprisingly, he returns the embrace.

"I'm sorry..." The tables have turned. Now I'm the one apologizing. I rub his back as he continues to sob. I can tell by the way he relaxes each time he exhales, that he's been holding everything in. It's as if every tear and breath that he lets go, are his problems he's letting out one by one. I cannot imagine not having anyone to talk to. This makes me more thankful for Cleo and Matt. He has probably been drowning in sadness and frustration. I've seen him happy multiple times before. Whenever he talks about his sister or whenever he talks about art or music, his eyes light up. It's amazing to see someone talk about what they're passionate about. As I rest my head on his chest, everything becomes silent. His sobs become quieter and the only sounds are our hearts beating against each other. I don't think I've been this at peace since I was younger. We sit there in the same position for what feels like hours.

He finally breaks the beautiful silence, "Why did you apologize? I was the one who had to." He looks down at me and I look up at him. His big, dark brown eyes are red and glossy. His long, dark eyelashes are damp. Even after he cries, he still has the face of an angel. I attempt to break our embrace but he grabs my arm and places it in the same spot, on his chest, just above his abdomen. "Just because I talked doesn't mean I want to get up." He smirks and I blush.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through everything alone. That you had no one to talk to. You're strong you know that." I make eye contact with him. "You don't have to keep everything in. It's okay to cry but it's not okay to keep all of your problems inside." He smiles at me. One last tear escapes his eyes and I wipe it away. My thumb caresses his cheek and his eyes flutter.

"You have people to talk to. I, on the other hand, do not."

"Well, now you do."