lovely | poetry

washed out

there is something strange about these hasty words
strings of soggy cotton forming hazy shapes upon bloodied lips
plump pillows turned scarlet by nipping, ivory blades
drawn with beads of crimson like intricate patterns upon seamless flesh
these words are unfamiliar, and come from a mind that has been drowned in onyx waters
these words come from a weary heart tearing itself open with every searing pound
vessels tangling into sticky tar as chests crack apart
bones rot to old, weathered stone and seeping marrow
skin turns to gritty filth as rotten dirt pours from that shredded place
in the place of blood
there is endless black crawling sluggish and corrupting through ruined veins
and scarred hands tear at their structure with fervent energy
determined to rip me apart seam by seam, muscle by muscle, bone by bone
until i am gone, gone, gone
and gone are the soggy cotton words that make me dazed and cold with fear
for i lie awake at night wishing to escape this confinement of a body
the prison of a drowned mind submerged beyond saving
as dreaded ideas become syrup on the edges of a collapsed skull
and dance around and around and around
until my brain is cracked wide open
and my eyes are spilling out decay
i am nothing more than a slave to my own hefty thought
and i claw at myself, determined to relieve myself from constriction
that presses upon stinging lungs and scorches at my dying insides until they are charred and sickened
hating this thing that i have become
yet unable to escape the turning of a machine
the turning of an endless machine, spinning me through endless washes, only for me to come out just as rotten and filthy as before
and slowly, that last remaining flush will flee
from ghostly skin and scratched fingers
leaving nothing more than faded flesh
and eyes that left long, long ago
the turning, the constriction, the decay
i am trapped and broken
and now i am washed out
washed out
washed out

you are not yet washed out my loves. and though you may feel your insides decaying, they are still beaming gold and rose. you speak in words so heavy with exhaustion, i wonder where you find the strength. yet your power is immeasurable. your color is eternal. you shall never be lost nor drowned nor rotten. you are beautiful. and you will make it through. i promise.

please take care of yourselves!

eat and stay hydrated! i love you!