Riot Girl

Moving On

Molly's P.O.V

May 24th

The show was in 3 days. And it was Dex's anniversary tomorrow. I hadn't spoken or seen Tom since that night. My stomach churned. I'd barely slept or eaten. I kept replaying our argument and his heart broken little face in my mind. I was a fucking idiot. But I couldn't be the person he wanted. There was just way too much expectation.

It was another beautiful day. I glanced out my bedroom window. It was going to be a long, lonely summer. Sarah was going to take advanced classes so she could graduate early next year. And Dani was touring with Mark. And where did that leave me? Where did that leave Paperclip?

I wasn't going to college. I was going to be stuck in this dead end fucking town forever. I'd already taken on extra shifts at work to get my mom and dad off my case. At least they couldn't moan I wasn't making money. They were both pretty mad I wasn't going to college. But college never did Dex any good.

Dex. I hadn't thought about him in a while. Tom and rehearsals had been taking up most of my time lately so I hadn't had much time. And maybe that's the way it should be. I couldn't keep beating myself up over what happened. The secrets I kept inside were crushing me slowly with their weight. And I didn't even have anyone to talk to. Dex had been my confidante. And Tom had been too. But now they were both gone and it was all my fault.

I walked out of my room and glanced at Dex's door. It hadn't been opened in 3 years. My heart pounded as I opened the door. The 'Do not enter' tape fell to the floor. I stood in his room and exhaled shakily. It was exactly the way he'd left it. If it hadn't felt so empty I could almost trick myself into believing he'd be standing behind me in the doorway. My trembling fingers reached over to pick up a photo frame. It had been taken only a few weeks before he died. The two of us looked so happy. Peas in a pod. But Dex hadn't been happy. There'd been a darkness in himself. That he'd kept secret. And that had eaten him up bit by bit until there was nothing left.

Looking back there had been so many obvious signs he'd needed help. But I'd ignored them. I'd been the last person to see him alive And I lived with that guilt every day of my life.

*flashback 3 year earlier*

I frowned as I opened my eyes blearily. I flicked my bedside lamp on. 3am. Banging and fumbling next door. But Dex wasn't home for another few weeks for summer. He was still at college. I slowly crept next door. Dex was going through all of his things. The window had been jammed open he must have crawled up. Weird.

"Dexy what are you doing?" I whispered.

Dex froze then smiled as he saw me.

"Hey Moll." He whispered as he came forwards and scooped me up in an all encompassing hug. I'd missed him. He smelled faintly of alcohol.

"Have you been drinking? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at school." I asked.

Dex put his finger over his lips.

"Just a little. Don't tell mom or dad. I know. I just forgot some things here."

I frowned.

"That you needed at 3am? You're coming home in like 2 weeks."

He hesitated.

"I'm not coming home Moll. Don't tell mom and dad ok. You have to promise me?"

My eyes widened.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

My heart broke. I'd been looking forward to him coming home.

"I'm...going away. Mom and dad just won't understand but I know you will."