Opal's Story

Relapse

(A/N: I needed a day and you guys let me have it, thank you xx please read this chapter with caution, and don't suffer in silence)

I let Tracy in and she looks really worried

'Hey, just wanted to see if you're okay' she says

'I'm good, just really tired that's all' I say

'Okay, well if you ever wanna talk to me you know you can'

I nod and she gives me a hug before leaving

'You can do this you CAN stop, it's not fun, it hurts and it's damaging others, why would I want to do that' I say to myself

I look down at the blade, picking it up

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, why am I doing this to myself?

'You can stop' I say to myself before chucking the blade back where it belongs and heading back downstairs to say goodnight

'Sorry for before' I say to Mike

'What happened before I don't remember anything happening?' He says before smiling

I smile back and say goodnight to the others who apologise for before

Tracy then gives me a hug, squeezing harder than usual

I say goodnight before heading back upstairs and going to bed

I can do this, I know I can

I text Dani to say goodnight despite us not talking in weeks, before covering my cut and getting changed I look back to my mirror

And I start to tear myself apart in my reflection, all sorts of words coming to my head

All sorts of memories. Memories I'd rather forget.

Until one word hits me so hard I feel a tear roll down my cheek followed by another

So much for being strong.

I end up in a river of tears on the floor like I do every night. And I'm so angry at myself

Mum was right. I really am a mistake.

I look towards my bin, the blade shining in the moonlight, the only thing that stands out

I grab it and hold it in my shaking palms before placing it to my skin

My hearts screaming no and my heads screaming yes

I take another look in the mirror, suddenly despising myself, seeing myself as the root of all evil

It may sound dramatic but this is how it is.

I push down, letting out a silent scream as the blade penetrates the only part of my skin that isn't covered in scars

I don't want to do this, but I find myself unable to stop, the teeth of the blade ripping open scars that had started to heal, thoughts whizzing around in my head, crashing into each other

The pain is unbearable every single time. But I have to do it.

I look back in the mirror and mentally destroy myself, I'd mutilated nearly my entire body in the space of an evening

I clear myself up and get into bed, shivering with fear, unable to stop the tears

How could I be capable of causing such pain?

I could picture Tracy in my head, saying that I could always talk to her

But I can't. She'd judge me. She'd see the real me.

The me that I never want anybody to see.

'Tracy!' I say, as she walks in on me self harming

'I'm so so disappointed in you, you've let me down.' She says

'I'm sorry I just needed a...' I say but I stop

'Let me guess you need a release?' She says

I nod, smiling, she gets me

'That's so pathetic even for you' she says

The others crowd round to watch and they all start laughing at me, everyone sees my body etched in scars and I run downstairs and out the door

'Keep running we don't want you here, you're an attention seeker and that's all you'll be' Tracy says

I beg her to stop but she just laughs, as she pulls out my blade she walks over to me and it's clear what her intentions are

'TRACY!!!' I scream desperately

'What's happened!' I hear her say, she sounds out of breath, like she'd been panicking

'Shhh it's okay I'm here' Tracy says cradling me in her arms

'Please don't hurt me' I whisper

'I'd never hurt you' she says

I open my eyes to see Tracy

'It was a dream' I say

She nods

'I would never ever hurt you Opal, I promise' she says

I nod and she strokes through my hair to calm me down before turning to go

'Stay with me, please, I can't spend another night alone' I say desperately

'Of course I will, I'm not leaving you like this, I was just turning the light off' she says, coming back over to me, comforting me in the dark, I make room in my bed and she lays beside me stroking through my hair, her hand still in mine she gives me a gentle kiss on the head as we both slowly begin to fall asleep