Opal's Story

One Step Forward

I wake up once again at midnight, unable to sleep again, I'd never opened up to anyone like I did with Tracy. I just hope I can trust her.

I go downstairs and make a hot chocolate, swinging my legs up onto the window ledge, I smile and think that for a second, just a second, that maybe I can beat this

THE NEXT MORNING

Tracy walks in and gives me a smile

'You cold or something?' I ask

She looks at me puzzled

'A thick jumper in this heat?' I say

'Oh yeah, I brought it the other day and thought I'd show it off' she says smiling

'Well you look brilliant' I say

She thanks me and heads into the office

TRACYS POV

I walk in shrouded with guilt, tugging on my sleeves, it's boiling today but I had too

'Hey mike!' I say smiling

'Oh hey trace! What's with the jumper?' He says

'Oh I'm freezing!' I say

He looks bemused to say the least before shrugging and walking out

A couple minutes later I go to find Opal, I need to tell her about counselling, she's passing the office and I invite her in

'What's up?' She says

'Well...I've booked you in for counselling, sessions start this afternoon' I say

She looks up at me, unable to believe it

'Seriously?' I ask

I nod saying it is for the best

'It's my choice not yours!' She says angrily

'I know but you wouldn't so I had to take that choice, I don't wanna see you hurt' I say truthfully

'It's my way of coping! It's my way of forgetting everything!' She says

'You'll never remember anything at all if you don't stop because you'll end up dead!!' I shout at her at the top of my lungs

She looks up at me and I instantly regret it

'Opal...I'm so sorry' I say sadly as I watch her run out the office in tears Mike walks in and I know I'm in trouble

'How could you say that?' He says

'Well I'm sorry but I don't want to lose her so what am I supposed to do!' I say, unable to stop the tears

'Hey come here' mike whispers pulling me into him, but his comfort just makes me feel guilty and sad

That's not what a Mike hug is supposed to do

'Tracy, you're shivering is everything okay?' He asks me

'Yeah! Just wish I'd brought a thicker jumper' I say laughing off my sadness

'Trace it's 32 degrees outside, I'm baking in this, you must be sweltering' he says

'I'm fine, honestly' I say as I leave the office to go find Opal

OPALS POV

'I don't need help. I don't! I'm fine! You're fine! You're fine!' I keep telling myself as I pace up and down my room

'You're absolutely fine! You're not helpless you don't need help everything's okay!' I shout angrily because I'm not fooling anyone, especially not my mind

I sink down to the floor in tears, if this is what it's like to be alive I don't wanna experience it a second longer

'Opal, let me in?' Tracy says knocking my door

I don't have the strength to fight anymore, so I just weakly open the door, before falling back to the floor

'Opal! Are you okay?' She says running over to me and helping me up

I don't react. I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I'm just numb...

'Listen to me, you can do this, it's just one session a week for four months and I can come with you for the first few if you like?' She says

'I don't need help, I'm not helpless' I say weakly

'Just because you need help does not mean you're helpless Opal, it's just nice to have someone to talk too that could help you' She says

I walk over to the mirror, staring into it I pull myself back into this circle of despair and hatred, I see Tracy sat on my bed looking at me in the background

She looks so scared...

'How would you react if I told you i hate myself?' I say

She stands up and places her hand on my shoulder looking into the mirror with me

'Look at yourself, now forget what you see for a second, do you know what I see? I see a beautiful confident amazing young girl who has so much to live for, who may feel like her world is black right now, but with a little guidance, she can find her way out of the dark' she says

She's right, she really is.

I nod and she gives me a caring smile

'Come here' she whispers wrapping me in her arms she gives me a gentle kiss on the forehead as she's stroking through my hair her phone buzzes

It's mike, the counselling sessions in ten minutes...

'Take the first step, I'll be with you every step of the way' she says, offering me her hand

I nod and take it gratefully as we go down to the car everyone's gathered to wish me luck, saying how brave I am

I thank them all and we head to the centre, I'm silent most of the way

'I'm so proud of you Opal' Tracy says

'I just want this to work, I can't live in the dark anymore' I say sadly

'It will, I promise' Tracy says

We pull up and I walk in, Tracy holding my hand all the way, we go and wait in the waiting area and Tracy starts reading me facts from some tacky magazine, making me smile and laugh

'Opal Summers?' A woman says

Me and Tracy stand up at the same time as we syas my name

'That's me' I say

Tracy goes to come in with us but the woman says she can't come in

'But I need Tracy with me!' I beg her

'You can do this, I promise I'll be here when you come out' Tracy says giving me a hug

I have two options, either I continue living in the dark alone, or I find the light with Tracy

I choose to find the light. I go into the counselling office and take a seat

'Now Opal why don't you talk me through from the beginning why you are here?' She says smiling a welcoming smile