What If?

"Are we more than just this weekend?"

9:45 a.m.

I try and turn over but I get stuck in Jacob's grip, his head buried in my neck. Slight snores coming from him.  I sigh and giggle a bit thinking about last night, Am I crazy? I think to myself as I wiggle my way out of Jacob's arms. I see clothes laid all over the floor, I grab the black t-shirt that I had thought was mine but when I put it on me, I realized that it must of been his....I kept it on anyways. I put my hair up in a loose bun and cleaned up the room a bit, as I bent over to pick up some of the clothes I felt a hand squeeze my ass. "What are you doing?" I hear his raspy, sleepy voice behind me as I pick up my clothes and stood back up, I turned over to him "Picking up" I say as I walk past him. "Is that my shirt?" Jacob asks..."Why yes it is, it's pretty comfy too" I tell him, placing some of my belongings back in my duffle bag. "Don't you have work?" Jacob asks me, laying back in bed and turning on the t.v "I called in...I do however work at 5:30 at my second job so if you want to do something here...we can?" I suggest, Jacob's eyes glances over to my direction and his face lights up "Of course! but first I just wanna lay in bed and cuddle for a little longer" He says and pats the bed signaling me to come over.  I make my way over to the bed and nestle into his arms, my face buried in his chest...."you make me happy" Jacob says and he plays with my hair. 

My body felt warm and I felt safe and then he spoke again, " I don't think you understand how happy I am. It's different with you, you're an authentic person that's so hard to read...I think that's why I'm so drawn to you" Jacob says as I kiss down his neck. "Stoopp itttt" Jacob protests jokingly. "You're making something that is apart of me go a little frantic and I don't know if you know but I am TIREDDDD" He says as he pins me to the bed, I then feel his hands dig into my sides. He's tickling me. Shit I really need to pee Is what came to my mind, I start laughing hysterically as I squirm underneath him, "Oh someone's ticklish" Jacob laughs as he tickles me more, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe, as I keep squirming I finally see him stop and watch as his eyes close in pain. "You kicked me in the balls" He says...his breath shortens "You little shit" He giggles and whines in pain, as soon as I started to catch my breath again, giggles escaped from my mouth "Well that's what you get for tickling me" I smirk and hop off the bed and make my way over the bathroom. "By the way, I'm hungry" I tell him and he just shakes his head, "When do you not eat?" he says "no such thing" I say back and close the bathroom door behind me. 

"Let's go for a ride" Jacob asks as I get dressed. "Where?" I ask him, Jacob just grabs his keys and his sunglasses "I don't know, anywhere" He says and opens the door for me, as I start to walk out but then the thought of food dawned on me "Can.." but he paused me before I could say anything else "and yes, we will get food" He says while kissing my cheek. 

Windows rolled down, one hand on my thigh and his other hand tapping the wheel matching the rhythm to the drums of some song that was playing, the nice Florida weather hitting my skin. "What do you want to eat?" Jacob asks, I see Taco bell and automatically point there "You and your damn taco bell" He says and turns into the drive thru. He orders a chicken quesadilla with a bean and rice burrito with a large mountain dew as I order two hard shell tacos without sour cream with a strawberry skittles slushy. We pull into a parking spot and start digging in, as I take a bite into my taco...Jacob starts talking "Do you know what this song is about?" he asks, I shake my head and he pouts a little "It's written from the temptations, one of the lead singers wrote this before he committed suicide, if you listen to it...like actually listen to it, you can hear the sadness in his voice, it's pretty....deep" Jacob takes a bite from his burrito and turns up the song, "It really does hit you" He says..."It's sad too....nobody knew". 

-

We finish our food and drive around the city for a little, listening to music and talk. Before I knew it....it was already 3:00 and I needed to be back in town for work. We went back to the hotel room, I put on my work clothes and gathered everything that was mine together and we hit the road back to St. Augustine. "Can we hang out tonight?" I ask Jacob. "Of course" He says and I lean over to kiss his cheek. The drive to St. Augustine was fast which I wasn't a fan of....I didn't want to leave him. He drops me off at my friends house so I would be able to have my car, "Thank you, really" I say to him before giving him a kiss and a hug..."It was my pleasure" Jacob responds back, his lips....I couldn't  get enough of.

 I kiss him one last time before opening the door, I wave goodbye to him as he drives off.  I hop into my car and start driving to work, thinking all about what had happened in the past 24 hours. It astonishes me that I did something like this and  apart of me wonders if I even became a little desperate to find someone to love again. The conversations that we have become endless, time becomes timeless and when I'm with him, it's like all my barriers that I had put up just collapses right to the ground...leaving me fragile and completely open to him in every way possible. There's always that "What if " moment or thought that pops up and then suddenly my mind goes haywire. 

-

Later that night after work I decided to drive to Jacksonville on my own and spend the night there until Monday. Sunday night consisted of pizza, a late night drive to waffle house, a few movies that he really wanted me to watch and unbelievably good sex. Every night consisted of late drives to taco bell and listening to Pink Floyd and Red hot chili peppers.  This guy that I've only known for 5 days has completely flipped my whole life around and if he really wanted too....he could just snap his fingers and disappear into oblivion without any trace and I think that's what terrifies me the most. I didn't want him to go back home, I didn't want this weekend to end....my life has changed so much in the span of just two days and I can't get over him. Am I getting too attached? , What if he lost feelings?, What if he doesn't actually like me? , Thoughts blaze around my head like shooting stars and the feeling of it wasn't a good one. I needed reassurance...it was bugging me. 

 As I pack up my things that I brought with me from the night before, I see Jacob walking towards me. "You forgot this" he smirks and hands me my underwear that had dropped from my little duffle bag..."thank you" I say. Jacob bends down and kisses me on the forehead "You drive safe ok? text me when you can, me and my mom will be heading out soon so I have to finish packing" I nod as he opens my door, I wrap my arms around him and his lips met mine.... I didn't want to let go and I for sure wasn't ready to say good bye. "Jacob..." I say, as I look at him "Yes baby?" 

"Are we more than just this weekend? I wasn't just some Florida hook up fun for you?" I ask him...he holds me tighter, his eyebrows knitted together as his eyes squinted a bit in confusion "Of course we are more than just this weekend, I like you a lot Josephine. You mean a lot to me really" he murmurs as he kisses my cheek. I smile and hug and kiss him one last time before stepping into my car and making my way back home and that's when I finally realized, this guy that I almost brushed off my shoulder thinking he was like everyone else.... actually turned out to be the love of my life and I for once felt that pure feeling of happiness again and damn does it feel good.