What If?

"Have you gone mad?"

2 more days until I leave for Pennsylvania. 

Over the past week and a half, my mother and I have been bickering back and forth and it was exhausting!. It was relaxing knowing that my mother and I ended up on the same page and confident about this trip. As I get into my car to drive to work...I suddenly hear my phone buzz and when I thought it was Jacob that texted, It was my mom. Once I arrived at my job, I opened my phone to the messages and all of a sudden I felt that uncomfortable feeling of my heart sinking into the pits of my stomach again. 

Mom: We can't go on this trip Josephine. We have to pay for the plumber to fix the toilet that just broke today and we still have to go grocery shopping for this upcoming week. 

All I could feel was the sadness fill me, the anger overwhelming me as I begin to type. 

Me: If it's not one thing it's another. 

Mom: I'm sorry. I just don't have the extra money now because I need to get the toilet fixed...it was clogged yesterday and thought we had fixed it but it became clogged again.

The excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Every single fucking time that we plan something and every time we are so close to fulfilling that plan, that idea..or something, it never happens but not this time. I refuse. Absolutely refuse. So I began typing back, this time laying all the cards out on the damn table...hoping she would give in and let me go. 

Me: Is there anyway you can just let me purchase a ticket and let me go? Because it sucks that I worked all these hours, put in all this effort, spent money and stressed all this stress for something that I really want to go on and now I'm stuck...again.

I felt my face starting to get hot as I felt the hot tears filling up my eyes and was even worse...was I knew she wasn't going to give in. 

Mom: Who's gonna get you to the airport? Where are you going to stay?

Me: Jacob would pick me up and I'd stay with him and his parents. 

I see my mom read it but she doesn't reply. I check the time and see that I'm 6 minutes late to work. I grab my things and rush inside, constantly checking my phone to see if she was typing or even answered..but she didn't. It was bothering me, as much as I want to hope that there's light at the end of this tunnel, I'm still not in the clear yet and it feels like I never will be. Working at my first job instead of my second, I was assigned on dress. Which is basically dressing the food and handing the meals to the servers, I noticed that nothing was stocked on my end so I decided to go in the back and get everything I needed. Noticing that I was by myself and it wasn't really busy, I whipped out my phone and texted my mom. 

Me: Just let me know so I know if I should get the ticket? 

I text her and she immediately responds back. 

Mom: You're not flying Josephine...you're 17. Are you out of your mind?!

I felt the anger rise in my chest again 

Me: You just asked who I was planning on staying with and who was going to pick me up!

Mom: I'm not okay with that 

Me: You're not okay with me flying? I worked my butt off for this trip and saved up so much money and called out a week for work, it's just not fair. 

Mom: I don't know him or his family. I don't know his intentions...you're talking about flying 819 miles away from here...what if something happens?? I mean think logically here J. Things have to be thought through...stop going off of impulse! You're not flying and that is that.