What If?

"B as in bye-bye"

6 hours later. 

I wake up to the beeping of my alarm going off and I immediately get up. As I decided a few hours earlier that it'd be better off to sleep in my airport clothes...which consisted of really cozy leggings and an over sized sweater, I decided that I wanted to stay in bed and try to rest for the next 30 minutes that I have before my uber arrives but the wave of pure anxiety itself and excitement overwhelmed me. Is it bad that I kind of want to back out? I ask myself...but I shake my head and try my best to relax. Being anxious is the last thing that I should let myself be feeling right now, Jacob already booked the trip, I already paid for the Uber. "I am doing this" I say to myself as I proceed to check my itinerary for the flight, everything is still how it should be. 

"Josephine you're up" I hear Celine groggily say as I see her slowly arise from bed. "Uh yeah, just checking everything..making sure it's all set in stone" I tell her. 

"and you're sure you want to go along with this? You do understand what could and will happen if your mom finds out" Celine tells me and all I do is nod. "I know...but she won't" I say as I grab my socks. 

"The uber will be here in about 10 minutes" I tell Celine. I put my shoes on and grab my duffel bag and anything else that I brought. "I'm leaving my keys here" I put them down on her desk and she gives me a warm smile,

"They'll be here when you get back" She says. "Just let me put my robe on and I'll meet you out in the living room" Celine tells me and I shake my head but she just gives me that look of a concerned, 'I'm not taking no for an answer' type mom look. "Josephine....it's like 4 a.m. I don't live in the most safest apartment complex, I'm walking you out and waiting with you" Celine tells me and I didn't bother to even fight her on it. 

"Do you girls want some coffee? A long day ahead of ya...nothing but some coffee will help ya wake up a little" Celine's dad tries to get us to drink some of the freshly brewed coffee but I kindly denied it. "No thank you Mr. Lynch, thank you though..for your hospitality" I say to him and he smiles, "pleasure is all mine...you have a safe flight ok?" I nod and proceed out the front door, waiting for Celine to follow behind me. 

"Ya know...I don't think I've ever met someone so ballsy like you J" Celine tells me as we walk towards the front entrance of the apartment complex. I giggle a bit and nudge her on the shoulder, "thanks I guess?" I smile and laugh a bit, I still haven't processed fully on what I'm really putting myself into...it's horrifically terrifying yet exhilarating at the same time. 

"Just be safe okay? Text or call me when you get to the airport and when you arrive in D.C. and if you need anything....I'll try everything I can to help" Celine tells me as we both see the shiny, Jeep Cherokee pull up on the curb. The driver rolls down the window and she waves at me with a kind smile plastered on her face. 

"Would you like any help with your thing Ms. J" The lady asks but I shake my head and smile "No thank you...I'll be in the car shortly" I tell the driver and she nods and rolls the window back up. "I will...thank you for everything" I tell Celine as I pull her into a hug. "I gotta go" I say as I reach to grab my pillow from Celine's hand, I see her smile one last time before I enter the back seat of the vehicle and shut the door...driving off and realizing that all of it has became official...no turning back now.  I search for earphones and plug them in, I rest my head on the window and think of everything that could honestly go wrong at this point....what am I possibly thinking? Flying on an airplane for the very first time since I was like 3, the only difference is...I'm much older and I'm by myself with an absolute horrible sense of direction on where to go.