Love finds its way ❤ (on hold)

I can't take it any more ~ chapter 20

*19th of June, Wednesday evening, another week later*

I'm sitting behind my desk reading the journal I started to write. I first wrote in it after I came back from the park with Luna. It was nothing special just an old book. I kept it very safe because of Nate.  I opened the first page and started to read:

10th of June 2012, Monday

Dear Diary,

This was a nice day. I meet a new friend Luna and she is really good waitress. I admire that she keeps that smile no matter what. She is such a lovely person even though I know her for a day :) We were at the park today; I must say the only thing I miss about London is the beautiful Hyde Park. I haven't really thought about my mum and Liam. I'm trying to avoid any Skype calls because then they would know that not everything is okay. I hear footsteps coming near my room so this is a good bay.

Much love, Ally x

I remember what happened then, Alicia came just to tell me that the last two weeks when I'm here me and Nate will be home alone. She and my dad will travel to Italy to see her family then to Las Vegas. I sighed at that memory and turned the page.

11th of June 2012, Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I miss talking to Harry and Liam so much. They are just so busy that I never get the chance to really have at least a text vhat with them. I need to talk to someone soon. I promised myself that I won't make the same mistake but it's hard. The twitter abuse is just getting bigger every day. I would delete it months ago if it wasn't for the boys.

Much love, Ally x

It hurt me inside how much I really miss him. Every day more. Nate was an arrogant dick head on that day, he called me names again. I kept that memory away and read some more.

12th of June 2012, Wednesday

Dear Diary,

I'm so proud of myself for writing to you 3 days straight. I'll try to break a record here. Well leave my "home" life a side. Let me tell you about my work. I work at a little cute café, where Luna works as well. Every day after we end our shift we go to the park where we walk around and talk. I can't trust her with everything but yet I left out some small details about my life. She is really a nice person and I love spending time with her. I'm doing a really job at the café and the owner is pleased that she hired me. Some of the guests are flirting with me, which bugs me so much but what can you do? Guys in the end are just guys with no brain lol. Waking up every day at 7 is a bit of a problem to me but I'm getting used to it. Alicia now stays at home, she is on holidays so she keeps the house clean and cooks for those arrogant males at the house. Tomorrow or on Friday I promise you I'll tell you everything about Nate and my dad. Only 18 days left at this hell.

Much love, Ally x

I smiled at my own words about Luna. Today was yet another amazing day with her. I knew what I wrote about Nate and my dad on the next page and I just wanted to skip it, but I didn't. Even though I might start crying again I started to read

13th of June 2012, Thursday

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up a bit early and I started to read you. I feel like an old lady reading my thoughts, but that's why you write these things right? To keep your thought somewhere, to pure your feelings out to you because you don't judge but give a bit of comfort. First I'll start with the good news :) I finally got the chance to talk a bit more with Liam. He is just so busy so we talked for about 15 minutes. He gave me the boost up to survive all of this. I was so happy to hear his voice over the phone, he said that we won't see each other that soon because he is going on holidays with Danielle as well. I was so happy that he finally is going somewhere with her without the boys as well. I ordered him not to feel bad because I will have Harry and the other boys, I will enjoy summer and that he really needs those holidays. Then we said good bay and then the bad thing began to flow in. When I got back from work, this time early, as soon as I stepped in the house my dad started to yell at me for no reason, he throw a plate near me and was just pissed off, I didn't know why. I didn't do anything to piss him off, he shouted at me how I'm just like my mum – a useless bitch, how I don't deserve to be in this house, that he hates me…

Tears streamed down my face when I remembered that day. I felt so not worth living. He made me feel just so worthless even though I have people telling me the opposite thing every day. I grabbed the diary again and continued reading

… He was probably upset by something or someone but he still went too far, we haven't talked since then and I'm not gonna apologize first; I didn't even do anything. He is leaving in less than a week so I don't care if we never talk again. I just remembered to tell you about my dad and Nate. There isn't much to tell. Nate is about 19 or 0 years old, I'm not really sure. Maybe he's younger than me, every time I go to work I see him sit with a different girl, rarely I see the same girl. How can girls even stand him? He isn't even that special... Or attractive. My dad is nothing special either, he is really arrognat and spolied in aw ay though... Well he and my dad hate me for unknown reason and I dislike them as well. I'll never talk to them when I go home. Never.

Much love, Ally x

I thought about what I wrote. Not talking to my father? This was just too much for me. Writing a diary was a bad idea. This week was just a roller-coaster of emotions.  I knew that this is gonna make me stronger but it was just so hard. I decided to read the rest and then think about it.

15th of June 2012, Saturday

Dear Diary:

Sorry that I haven't spoken to you yesterday. I was at Luna's, we had a small sleepover. It was really fun and she is a really sweet girl. Well I haven't much to say, Nate is still a dickhead and my dad is still not talking to me. He is leaving on Monday morning. Actually I can't wait! I can't wait to see Liam and Hazz. Our Skype chat was the best thing that happened today. Hazz got a bit of tan and Liam is just smiling so widely and he is so happy. They are flying back on the 22th or 23rd, but Liam is flying to Bahamas with Danielle on the same day so I won't see him for another week.  At least I'll see Harry soon. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to write. I can't believe I'm really living such a shity life. Nate is just so horrible to me; he hurt me more than words can even say. Now he has friends as well. They were again in front of the shop. Calling me names, spitting near or on me. I just can't deal with it any more. I was never a strong person when it came to bullying. Not without my brother. I better go to bed now. It's almost 1am.

Much love, Ally x

16th of June, Tuesday

I was just about to quit work today. I'm leaving in a week and saying good bay is gonna be hard. I decided that I'll work till 27th that is Thursday. Today was a really nice day, Skype chat with my brother and the rest of the boys were just so fun and amazing, I finally got to know Zayn a bit. He was really quiet all the time and when Niall, Lou and Hazz went to chill by the pool he finally sat a bit closer and told me some amazing things. He is a really nice guy. I think we are gonna be great friends. The chat ended too soon but all things have an ending right? Yet Zayn still thinks that some things, if they are meant to be the do last forever. I don't know why I deserved to be hated on so much. Now that me and Nate are home alone things are just worse. I feel like shit. I don't care about my life any more. He, his friends, no one being here for me, twitter abuse these things are just too much for me. Too much. For now, I'm not gonna do anything stupid, but just for now.

Much love, Ally x

This was written yesterday, I wasn't exactly proud of my words but they were all so true. I need to go home, and soon. 

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Okay guys :) Here's another part :) What did you think of it? It's a bit boring,  I'm really sorry :/ I feel like no one is reading it... It takes me weeks to get 2 votes and no one ever comments.... I don't know....Should I just stop writing it? To those readers who are actually reading it (like my sister lol)  A bit more fun, drama and love will happen soon, stay tuned! 

I'M ALSO CELEBREATING 3,000 READS :D THANK YOU SO MUCH!

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