Requiem [COMPLETED]

You Won't Believe This False Hope

The moon was stripping itself, layer by layer shredding down to nothingness. It seemed to drag gray slivers of cloud lined with silvery white behind it like 'full many a scutcheon and banner riven, shook to the cold night wind of Heaven'* as waning it descended to earth. Clouds kept sculling above and behind slowly, as if turned by some invisible kaleidoscope. I was enjoying the sky so much that I felt apprehension as suddenly I shared the darkness out on the steps of our apartment building. Panic rose in my throat and I looked around drawing my arms in, expecting—I don't know what. It seemed silly after the fact, but at the time it came automatically. After a minute I heard the footsteps of the wraith again, and a cigarette butt glowed out of the dark and he sat down beside me, the apparition embodied.

"Hey you," Leif said, offering me the cigarette.

I shook my head. I hadn't known he was here; or maybe he was only arriving. Of late he'd spent a lot of nights at parties around campus with the boys. Leif was new to the group, a 'friend' of Stan's that really was a crush of Stan's, who'd taken quite a shine to my brother. It seemed to be an awkward group at times, each yearning for one another, though none of it seemed mutual. Matt currently had 'undefined feelings' about Charlie, who was flirting with someone outside the group, Sven seemed to follow Charlie—which just made Matt more antagonistic than usual—Leif flirted with Sven and Stan was resentfully pining for Leif. I thought Charlie and Sven had both better be careful or this ring-around-the-rosy could turn ugly.

I relaxed a little and slowly let out my held breath. We sat for awhile in companionable silence. Then, cigarette finished, Leif said, "I keep trying to get to know Sven and he seems to have no interest; it's weird because we always have a lot of fun together. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me in a box labeled 'for parties', like he needs a nice little defined role for each person. I wish I could at least be in the box 'for everyday.'"

That's how he keeps track of people and the connections between them and what he tells to who, I thought to myself. That was the genius part of Sven's modus operandi, provided he carefully perpetually managed and updated who was where. Limited access. Even I had a box, I admitted to myself begrudgingly. In a way I admired it though, because even though it was still a complex organic monstrosity of moving parts he seemed perfectly in sync with it all, never seeming to slip up. His brain just naturally processed things in an "if/then" manner ruthlessly. I don't think he could help it.

Leif gave a small smile as he took a drag on his dwindling cigarette. "You and Sven are alike in that way. Neither of you like being open to other people."

I glanced at him. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, don't get me wrong; you're way more relaxed than Sven is. However, neither of you like it when other people expect you to open up. Sven acts tough but my God, is he a huuuuge fucking Queen about people knowing his business. You'd think he was in witness protection; he won't talk about anything personal. As soon as you ask a single question..." he gestured, pretending to choke himself.

"As soon as you ask a single question the man becomes more shifty than J. Edgar Hoover in a congressional hearing," I said. "Believe me I grew up with him; bring up the wrong subject and he's as voluble as a rock."

He gave me an amused look. "You both have an interesting array of little sayings. If I didn't know better I'd think you were my grandparents' age." I could feel myself blushing, but maybe he couldn't tell in the dark. We sat enjoying the cool air until he finished another cigarette.

"So, since you're the sister, I have to ask: is Sven really straight, and just acts weirdly close with Charlie to mess with us? I think the only person he's fooling is himself." I could feel Leif's charisma working on me, was vaguely aware of it, but somehow I couldn't help it working on me.