Requiem [COMPLETED]

Things Get Better but Don't Worry, Fate Still Hates Me

Charlie heard Sven telling Ranger "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this," and rolled his eyes. "Leave the ladies alone, man. So not cool, Ranger. Not cool."

"Sven, focus. What's up with you and Leif? I've only ever seen you hold a grudge like two times in your life, and as far as I know Leif is both friendly and kind to your sister."

"Well he was too friendly and not at all kind to me," Sven muttered, making kissing noises to get Ranger to return to his side again and leave the smaller, in-heat dog alone. He slipped the lead back onto Ranger's collar.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Stop fucking hedgehogging up on me. I'm your best friend. You pretend to be a grumpy asshole but you're a big marshmellow inside, how the hell did Leif manage to gain your active animosity? You climbed out of a window, literally, to avoid him last weekend at Matt's party."

I scuffed my sneakers against the dirt. I was panicking; there was no way I wanted Charlie to know what Leif had tried to pull on me: I was way too ashamed. I didn't want to see how his opinion of me would change if he knew how vulnerable I'd been, how stupid. "Look, Leif was a real asshole to me, and not in the everyday conversation kind of way. He... he crossed several lines, trying to get me when I didn't want him, and didn't take no for an answer. I don't want to see him again. Ever."

Charlie's whole demeanor changed. "Sven...what exactly happened between you two?" He looked off, frowning at the horizon. "You're acting...heartbroken."

"I'm not heart broken. I don't even like him, as a friend or otherwise...and it's not that I ever really put trust into him, per se...he just... he's a big jerk, who wants what he wants and doesn't care if other people get hurt. I got...I got hurt, emotionally, and ever since he's tried to blame me, as if it's my fault I'm hurt, rather than that he shouldn't act like a fucking jerkoff pervert and skeez on people."

Charlie sighed, emotions on his face I couldn't place. "You're so sensitive sometimes, it's easy to forget... Well, why haven't you just had it out with him then? You should tell us all what happened, and publicly put him in his place. Hell, you were never shy about busting someone's lip as kids, not that I think violence is necessarily the answer. But you...how you act is such a confusing mix of cold politeness and complete avoidance...Why do you treat everybody like a person, if you hate them?"

"...That's um...that's...because they're...is this a trick question?...I'm not gonna be like fucking Grandpa Trosvig. You know how hard I've tried to let that shit go. I never want to look in the mirror and recognize something from my childhood," I trailed off, my throat almost choking me. Charlie wrapped an arm around me, as we meandered back towards my apartment.

"I'm glad we bumped into each other today," Charlie said quietly, not looking at me. I knew because I was looking at him sideways, trying to be undetected while totally sucking in every detail I'd missed so much of that golden visage. "I know we've got issues, but...you're my oldest friend Sven. And I'd like to be able to always say that."

My throat was now literally choking me with emotion; I couldn't have spoken. Luckily, Charlie didn't seem to expect that. He sighed, letting his arm fall away as we continued on silently. My shoulders felt cold after his warmth. I resisted hugging myself, feeling lonely again even though he was still next to me.

I told myself I should cut down drinking but I'm not about to listen to a drunk that talks to himself.

I don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I'm sure it wasn't an anxiety ridden, people hating, sarcastic bitch with a drinking problem," Seamus grumbled somewhat thoughtfully.