he likes boys [z.s]

i can tell that you're wanting more

"Oh my gosh, Tay please tell me your joking" I replied laughing.

"What, no I'm not why would I be joking, Harry" she replied angrily.

"Oh. Taylor you and I are best friends and I don't want to ruin what we have"

"Harry we're not going to ruin anything"

"I don't know Tay, I'm scared, you're my best friend" I was trying to come up with every excuse I could think of, avoiding her questions when she asks why I wouldn't date her.

"Harry I don't want to pressure you into anything, I was just letting you know that I really like you and I hope this doesn't make anything awkward between us"

"No, it's not going to make anything awkward, I just feel really bad that I don't feel the same way as you do"

"Oh" was all she said before looking down and throwing a rock into the water beneath us.

"It's nothing personal, I promise you're a beautiful girl but I just-"

"You just what Harry?" she cut me off.

"I d-don't.. um I-" I was so close to shedding a tear and spilling my entire secret when suddenly Zayn came up to us.

"Guys it's getting late, come inside" he said. before I could reply Taylor rushed to an answer.

"Yeah hold on we're trying to figure something out, we'll be inside in a minute" she replied quite annoyed.

"Taylor" Zayn said sternly "I said get inside, Harry looks cold" He added through gritted teeth.

"Okay Zayn, jeez. Since when do you even care about Harry?" She asked and looked back at me "let's go inside, we can talk in our room"

We both stood up and started walking inside. Taylor leading the way and Zayn and I behind her.

As we were walking Zayn pulled my arm and I turned towards him givin him a questioned look.

"Are you good?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?" I replied in a 'duh' tone.

"I don't know you seemed off while talking to my sister, you looked like you were about to shit yourself. Are you guys okay, did she yell at you or something?"

"No she didn't and we're fine thanks." I smiled at him so my response doesn't seem rude.

He didn't say anything after that. He just gestured for me to go inside ahead of him. When I got inside I went straight to Taylor and I's room so that we could talk about everything.

I really wanted to tell her but I was scared. I haven't come out to anyone and I don't want to loose her after I tell her.

"Sooooo" She said as I walked into the room.

I just looked at her blankly, trying my hardest not to have a panic attack.

"I- um.." I stopped, I couldn't do it.

"Harry is everything okay, I honestly didn't think it would be that hard to tell me you don't want to be with me"

"it's not that. I don't not want to be with you, I would be with you but I'm- uh- I'm... um" I couldn't get the words out all I could do was say 'um' and make hand gestures. I was so close to saying it but I stuttered again.

"Harry are you gay?" She asked me while looking at me straight in the eyes and I felt disgusting. Hearing those words come out of her mouth. Hearing her actually say it out loud, made me feel so bad for not having feelings for her.

"I'm sorry" I covered my face and sobbed in my hands.

"Oh my gosh Harry don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry about love" she whispered softly and hugged me tight.

"I feel so ashamed of myself and disgusting, my mother's going to hate me."

"No she's not Harry, don't ever say that. Being queer is a beautiful thing. And if people can't see that then they don't deserve your love."

"Thank you Tay" she wiped my tears with her two thumbs and hugged me again.

"How long have you known for?"

"About two years now." I looked down at my feet.

"It's okay Harry" she lifted my chin back up to look at her.

"No it's not Tay, I've known for two years now and I haven't had the balls to tell anyone because I'm scared of being judged. I've liked so many guys but I forced myself to date girls because I was ashamed of being gay." At this point I started sobbing again.

"Harry don't ever say that. You shouldn't ever feel forced to be with someone you don't want to be with. You like guys, so be it, don't ever say you're ashamed of something you prefer." She put both hands on my shoulders and locked her eyes with mine as she spoke, to show truth.

"Thank you so much Taylor, you truly are my best friend, and I'm sorry we can't be together"

"Nope Harry I don't even want to be with you anymore. After all that I can't even see you the same. Damn I have a gay best friend now YAY!!!" She started cheering and jumping while holding my hands.

"Jump with me" she said. "You like dick girl, let's celebrate." We both laughed at her choice of words and started jumping.

Taylor and I were sitting and talking about random stuff and I finally felt comfortable, I get to finally be myself when I'm with her and we can finally talk about guys together and I get to join the girl sleepovers without feeling awkward.

I could finally be normal, a very feminine boy who doesn't have to act all strong when around Taylor, thank god, because that 'manly' act was starting to fade slowly slowly.

Taylor and I's conversation went on and one thing led to another.

"So are you planning on telling your mom any time soon?"

"I don't know, I mean I think she'll be accepting but she might be disappointed and I don't want to see her reaction when I tell her."

"I think you're over thinking it, done worry I'll be with you throughout the entire thing"

"Thank you Taylor, you're honestly the best" I hugged her tight one last time before we both left the room.

"Woah you guys were in there for a while" Zayn said as soon as we left the room.

"Ok and?" Taylor rolled her eyes at him.

"Woah Taylor let's chill out on the attitude. What were you guys even doing in there, fucking?" Taylor and I both looked at each other and laughed hysterically.

"Hell no we weren't, we were talking and why do you care any way?"

"Who says I do?" Zayn walked away but didn't forget to wink at me before fully turning back and walking into him and Liam's room.

This boy is going to be the death of me.