Veiled Diaries #2: Mask of The Blues

MOTB 47

#MOTB47

Tumagilid ako para tingnan si Rekta, he's still sleeping peacefully while Jace was now slanted on the other side of him. He's actually claiming the wide bed. Napangiti ako, I'm thinking about what will Jace feel to know that I'll have Rekta again. Kahit na alam kong nanguna na siyang tumawag ng Papa kay Rekta ay gusto ko pa ring maging kumportable siya kung sakali.

Niyakap ko ang comforter sa aking katawan lalo, hindi talaga lamigin si Jace at hindi sanay magkumot. Nagising ako dahil sa pagtawag ni Inocencia, hindi ko na nasagot dahil huling ring na iyon at pinutol niya.

I looked at the ceiling.

It is not bad to take what's making me happy, it isn't bad to give myself a chance again to have the love I've been always dreaming but I couldn't have for long. Can we have this time, instead? It's my choice afterall, no one can stop if that's what I want.

Nagtagal ako sa karamihan ng iniisip. I'm always afraid to be judged even though I should be used to it because I'm in the family with tradition they wouldn't understand. I must admit, I'm still so in love with Rekta. Noong unang pagkikita ulit namin ko iyon nakumpirma, hindi nawala ang apeksyon pagtapos ng ilang taon. I already said that I'd let him go for the life he deserves, for someone who'd fight for him and I know I haven't done anything to make us work way back because of my own perception in destiny.

I lived the life having my own will to do inside the tradition and there were times I regretted to obey everything, but looking at my life now? I don't regret anything today because I had Jace. I love Jace so much, he became my light when I thought I'd never deserve it. The exact time, I don't want Rekta for me because he doesn't deserve me. Rekta was all my hope and light before getting into the darkness, I broke him ferally because that's how it should be but things will remain unsolved without a proper closure. I didn't close anything and thought I was all okay with it because I had Venturi, everything was so right with him unlike with Rekta. Doon ako nabulag. I was blinded but Venturi is my catcher, too.

Iyon ba ang dapat kong pagsisihan? Kung hindi man kami ni Rekta... hindi ako magsisisi dahil alam kong sa huli ng sugat at sakit, paggaling at ginhawa naman. I got it, I got healed from losing my first love until the loss of my catcher without someone's help and that's all worth it. Sabi nga ni Statice ay iyon ang buhay na nakatakda, lahat ng nangyayari ay kailangan ng pagtanggap.

I felt Rekta's heavy arm on my tummy as he buried his nose on my cheek to sniff my scent, my heart pummeled harshly. Sa sobrang lapit ng mukha niya ay halos ramdam ko pati ang pagmulat ng kanyang mga mata roon, he inhaled calmly and kissed my jaw softly that made me feel so damn squishy.

"Can't sleep?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "My sister called,"

Inangat niya ang braso upang tingnan ang oras sa kanyang wristwatch, it's already 12 AM. He chuckled roughly and went back hugging me.

"Should we go down now?" he asked while giving me soft kisses on the cheek.

My nape shivered down, I trembled a bit. In my embarrassment, he felt it! Mahina siyang humalakhak at bahagyang umangat para titigan ako, ngumuso ako at tumitig din sa kanya kahit naghuhurumentado ang puso sa nerbyos. His eyes were still sleepy, mabibigat ang bawat pagkurap. Lumabas ang tamad na ngisi sa labi niya.

"Long fucking years, Bryleigh. I'm still so confused why can't I have happiness without you. I've got the worst heartache from you but you're making me happy by just looking at you in this distance." he said it in a whisper while staring at me.

His eyes seem to be in the middle of suffering, my heart wrenched painfully. Knowing that he could still accept me after everything, I'm too scared to touch him like there are wounds I could hurt.