Jesus was furious and slightly aroused, because he knew what was about to happen it was a...
"CROSSOVERRRRRR" Cannoli yelled from across the street.
"There's no one here lad" Shrek said as a matter of factly. There was no traffic Cannoli was just being the stupid fuck he was. What a absolute cunt fuck. Sorry back to my unbiased story.
Cannoli a local fashion critique was here to save the day.
"I hear there's trouble in paradise?" He said with a shit eating grin, as he crossed the empty street.
"This is LITERALLY hell on earth what in my name are you talking about" Jesus asked angrily.
"Since Patricia is gone you'll need help fighting off this rapture. You know you need me."
"This is what I was born to do!!!actually? Wait? What wAs I born for?? If my dad (me) is so powerful why did any of this have to happen?" Jesus felt conflicted, he wasn't sure of his place in the world. His mind was swimming with questions and his vision blurred as he recalled something Shrek told him years ago.
~~
He was sitting in Shrek's lap near the fireplace. "Lad, you are a crucial part of fate and the course it takes. It's up to you to stop the sexual sins in the world. Not all sins, just weird sexual ones."
~~
Jesus was brought back from his memory and suddenly this all made sense. He wasn't brought here to stop the rapture since he himself was the cause of it. The epic orgy between him, Shrek, Fiona, Patricia, Mothman, and Poseidon was the cause of all this turmoil.
Their lusts of the flesh were so unholy it brought about the fated rapture. There was no avoiding it, how could he have known?
Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted.
"Jesus you're not wearing proper uniform" Holier than thou Cannoli stated.
Jesus knew what he had to do.
YOU ARE READING
50 Shades of Abstinence
RomanceSister Patricia was the newest nun in the batch. She always dreamed of becoming one, and never expected that her covenant with Jesus would become so much more after discovering that her church is actually a CULT?!?! Edit: This has become an absolute...
