Letters to Jaemin

Letters | 12

Letter #11

Dear Jaemin,

          It was 27th of december back then, do you still remember? the day when I accidentally pushed Hina causing her to tripped and fall down.

          It was the day when we're supposed to meet; you, Jeno and I. We planned to go on picnic together, only the three of us right?

          But when we arrived in our picnic spot, I saw Hina sitting under the tree near our picnic table. I can still remember how she waved her hands and how you looked so happy to meet her.

          I asked Jeno if he invited Hina but he just shook his head 'no' and said that you're the one who invited her.

          I was so mad.

          Knowing that you're really happy to see her makes me want to rip her body apart. I wanted to pull her hair and warn her to stay away... but I can't.

         I know you saw how I pushed Hina after I got out from the bathroom. You were so outranged that day that you even pushed me back. You pushed me hard that's why I ended up on the floor. Thankfully Jeno was there to help me, yeah I got bruised but I'm fine and I'm not mad at you.

          I'm mad at Hina.

          I wrote this letter to make things clear. I know Hina told you that I intentionally pushed her, and she even told you that I started a fight with her while we're on the bathroom together that day... but all of those—are all lies.

          I don't know if you're going to believe me, but I didn't started a fight with her, it was actually the other way around.

          It's because I overheard Hina talking to her phone about making you fall inlove and breaking your heart afterwards—it was all because of a bet. Hina was dared by her friends because they knew that you're starting to have feelings for her.

          I told her that she should not do that to you, that she should atleast respect you as her former drama club fellow member... but she didn't listen.

        Instead she started to pull my hair and say things that was really painful to hear. And when she heard your voice, she grabbed both of my hands and make me pushed her by force.

        And that was the time you saw me standing and Hina was on the floor crying while telling you that I pushed her even though I did not.

          It was the first time I saw you became angry. It was the first time I started to get scared of you for real. I'm scared that you might despise me for life.

          I tried explaining things to you but you won't listen.

          I was so mad at Hina that time that I even planned to push her on the road even though the streetlight was still on green, but before I could even move a muscle... a car suddenly hitted her.

         My hands were shaking at that time, there are few bloods spilled on my shirt. I don't know what to do that day, I saw how she bled to death.

          People started to gather and Hina was said to be dead on the spot. The driver of the car that hitted her was drown to alcohol and was arrested afterwards.

         It was the first time I saw someone dying in front of me. It was scary. I felt my knees suddenly weakens when I saw you running towards her dead body. I plopped on the ground and unconsiously I started crying.

         I think it was my fault. I was the one who'd wishing her to be gone for good... but I somehow regret it now.

         I know she's never good to me, but she doesn't deserved to die.

         So I'm sorry... Please forgive me...

         Jaemin forgive me.

-Minji