The Sacred Memoirs of A Young Adult: I Will Always Love You

The Third Stage

Last year was a horrible year for me. I had finally reached my breaking point. I can't believe I kept it up for a whole year, after everything I'd been through. I lost everything, in the past two years. My friends and some members of my family. Some passed on while others cut off a relationship with me. But I lost him, too. And I only had him for a short amount of time. Yet I still think about him to this day.

I still love him. I really do. I can't deny that we had a bond that was remarkable. Everyone could see it but him. I know I was being used by him, but I still want to hold onto him. He didn't even want the world to know my association with him. And even though I knew this wasn't how it was supposed to be, in trying to please him, I still agreed to hiding our relationship. Whenever we got together I was happy for a short while... until we had to leave separately. And I had to endure the pain of watching him pretend like I don't exist.

I probably didn't. Because when he broke up with me, he didn't even think twice about it. He texted me. And I was supposed to be okay with it. As if crying behind a stop sign would hide it. Everyone could see that I wasn't okay, though. Everyone could see except him. Or maybe he just didn't care. He was just selfishly worried about himself and his reputation if ever the world found out that he ever dated me.

But because I loved him so much, I agreed not to tell anyone. I had to lie to everyone who had asked about me and him and everyone who I told about me and him. But when things got out of hand, I showed them proof of our relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Because after that, he wouldn't even look in my direction. Not even accidentally.

I've been told that I was emotionally abused by him. Because since him, everything has been going downhill. When I lost my grandpa, he was supposed to numb the pain of losing him. Instead he amplified it. And when I lost him, I found myself losing myself in other things. Alcohol, parties and the lips of another. You can imagine how my parents reacted to that. Now I don't even know my mom anymore. And she doesn't know me.

But, luckily everything is so much better. I'm working on everything in my life and I'm turning everything around for the better. But I still remember him. I still love him, even though I consciously know that he's bad for me. I can't go back down that road, but I can't help it. If he gives me a chance, I would gladly run away with him all over again.