Secret Society

Chapter 8 - Losing Myself

Everything was going great, the training, my grades, my old and newly established friendships. Two weeks have passed by and everyone in Secret Society was in their best shape yet.

But what I excelled in physical abilities, I lacked in personal interactions. I know it isn't right for me to feel jealous of my friends getting along. I know my job is to protect Cassie at all times so I have to always be beside her from leaving the dorm until coming back. And I've been doing my job well. Except I'm not happy.

Because I had to be near Cassie, Sera has to as well, as my best friend. They've bonded really well, plus April and Sera have been getting along again. It's like I'm the outsider. All those years, I thought I had someone who could see things the way I do. I thought Sera could understand me no matter what decision I make. 

I guess she's going all out now because she doesn't have to worry that I'm going to be alone anymore. She doesn't come over my room anymore and she doesn't message me as much as she used to. But whenever I come get for Cassie in her room, along with April, I could hear Sera laughing at the other end of the door, it's as if she's always there for a sleepover.

As everyone regrouped by the academy entrance, they all chatted merrily. Biting my lip, I kept repeating to myself that maybe I'm the problem. Maybe no one's intentionally excluding me after all.

But as we reached the hallways, everyone went their separate ways.

When they all left, suddenly I took notice of the students passing by me and realized that it wasn't that I was making the problem up myself, it really did turn out that I was the problem all along. How did I come up with that conclusion, you ask?

It's when I heard people gossiping about how Sera and April seems like they're best friends. And that Cassie was the sunshine in the group. There was no mention of me. Oh, except for the "poor Katya" comment thing when they were discussing how the group came to be.

Sometimes, I really hate that I have this ability, it makes everything more painful.

Claiming my seat on my first class, Kendra had finally gotten to catch my attention after me avoiding her relentlessly. "I'm glad I was finally able to get through you. Your eyes seem clouded lately and you have this gloomy look," she commented, pointing aimlessly around my face.

"Sorry I was born with this face then," I replied, trying to dismiss her from my presence.

She did leave though, but when she got to sit on her seat, she moved it really close next to mine, alongside  her desk. Her left hand was placed on her cheek, her whole face leaning on that, as her elbow met with the desk surface.

Looking at me carefully, she asked again, "What's wrong, Katya? You can't hide it from me. The great Zeke told me your symptoms! So you definitely can't hide all that, y'know?"

Hearing Zeke's name caught my attention, "What did he say?"

She made a face before responding, "I forgot. But I think it was along the lines of him worrying about you since your emotions are hindering you from doing your project lately. I think that's what he was saying. He asked me to help you feel better since he noticed me tryna annoy you lately."

Project? So that's all that matters to them, huh?

I gave her a deadpan look and spat, "Fuck off, I'm not in the mood."

When I turned my face away from her, I could her gasp and move her chair and desk angrily. Alongside that, I could her complain to her male friend about me. I closed my eyes, hoping to get a peace mentally and emotionally. All of the stuff happening lately has been affecting me greatly. Maybe I'm just a sore loser, having it difficult to accept that my best friend has new friends that she'd rather be with, and a prettier one at that.

Thankfully, my morning classes ended without any trouble, except for my seatmate who seemed to be bothered by my outburst during my first class. That kept her mouth shut for a while. Though I didn't mean to, it's just that it's hard for me to give an apology since I'm not an expert in dealing with interpersonal relationships.

Unfortunately for me, I can't skip lunch period since there is no space in this academy that Zeke can't find me. Ah well, I could hide if I would use my ability but maybe a part of me actually wants to be found. And that exact moment would be before entering the dining hall. Zeke took hold of my arm and dragged me away from the hall. He tried as gentle as he could in pulling me with him, that much I can tell.

He led me to the garden where there are a few students hanging around. His grip loosened on my arm and proceeded to hold my hand instead. Looking at it, I furrowed my eyebrows, confused with all that's happening right now.

Facing me, he sighed, his hand still holding mine. When our eyes locked, it took about eight seconds before he could let out a few words. "Tell me what's wrong, Katya. Please."

I shifted my gaze away from him and shuffled my legs, uncomfortable with this situation. I huffed, "Nothing's wrong."

"You can't lie to me, Katya. We've known each other since we were kids! Stop trying to hide everything," he exclaimed.

He had a point there but I wasn't gonna give in, "Why are you doing this? There's nothing wrong! Why can't you just trust my word on this?"

His gripped tightened this time and he used his free hand to grab my shoulder to keep me in place. It was hurting my neck trying to look away from him so I faced straight ahead. His facial expression changed and softened, all traces of anger seemed to have faded.

He didn't say anything else so I figured he was waiting for me to say something. So I did. I told him everything I was feeling. "I feel like I was losing myself, losing my best friend, my private space...just everything. You know how much of a sore loser I am with losing things to somebody else. Especially with Cassie, who's perfect at everything. I'm just a brusque and masculine girl after all."

Both his hands freed themselves from holding me and I was a bit surprised when he put them both instead on either side of my cheeks, holding my face dearly. "Cassie is Cassie and you're you. You're the deadliest warrior I know, plus you're actually pretty hot, especially when you're smirking. You should have confidence in yourself. And I think Sera's just trying to fit in so you'd be forced to join the circle. You're more special than you think, Katya. You are so much more than what you think you are," he responded with a light tone.

I got slightly teary-eyed with his statement and while he was slowly wiping away my tears, he hummed a soft tune that lightened my mood. Truly, he was a great leader, knowing how to take care of his subordinates. I guess I'll commend him for that.