MY SMILE IS A RIFLE

Untitled Part 1

Weee hey guys,this is my very first fanfic and I really hope I'll make some people enjoy reading this! I'm really trying to get into writting now,like I said I have never written a fanfic or anything like that before but I just felt like the world needed another FruFic :) It would mean A LOT to me if you could leave me some feedback via the Ask Box or if you have some idea for upcoming chapsters feel free to let me know.

Oh and don't worry there'll be more John in the next chapters.Ok I'll shut up now,hope you simply enjoy reading this,leave some feedback guys!

<3

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"How the hell am I supposed to feel happy when All I see is rain falling from this grey sky?" You think to yourself as you stare outside the window standing in the entrance hall of the Cedars-Sinai Psychiatric Hospital. You just decided to come down from your department to get some coffee and the new Rolling Stone Magazine from one of the many kiosks down here.

It's been raining for three long days now and you still weren't allowed to get outside and could only move along inside the building, though it was really huge it was driving you insane that you haven't made one single step outside since one and half a week, when you're best friend Rony got you here. "Jolene, you know it's best for you...for me and... for everyone else who truly cares about you!" she said after she had forced you to get into the car so she could bring you to some mental hospital. She sounded almost sarcastic when she said that, knowing there weren't many people who cared about you the last couple of month since you completely isolated yourself from the outside world....again. And knowing you knew it.

Though you knew she was right, you struggled very hard to get help and become an inpatient. You didn't want to come here. You hated this place and didn't believe that the doctors here were actually able to help you. Though it sounded even insane to you, you'd still prefer to sit in your dark, dirty small apartment in one of the ugliest districts of L.A starving yourself – not because you were an eating disorder patient, you simply didn't feel powerful enough to walk to the next supermarket to get some food. All you ever did before you came here was sitting on your bed, listening to the Pixies and Radiohead and hoping something or someone, whatever – would come and end your life. One more reason you hated yourself – you didn't have the guts to do it yourself.

Now you've been spending almost 2 weeks here in Cedars-Sinai and you didn't feel any better. You felt like nothing was going to change, no matter how hard the doctors tried or no matter how hard you'd try – so you didn't even start fighting for yourself to get some feelings of happiness. And since you've been diagnosed as a suicidal bipolar-personality you weren't allowed to go outside what depressed you even more. You somehow started to miss the smell of anything different than the stagnant air in these hospital corridors.

You get your coffee and sit down in some armchair standing in the hall as you skim through your new rolling stone. You read an interview of Mick Jagger and how the Stones are planning to make a new record soon as you notice how tired you were even though you just had one big cup of coffee. "Damn, these medications really made me feel dull lately" You think as you remember your doctor telling you that one of the byeffects of the antidepressants you were taking since you got here were feelings of extreme tiredness in the first couple of weeks.

You take another look out of the window and what you see is depressing – still nothing but rain. You get up and decide to go upstairs back into your department and into your little room you had here to take a nap. Since it was already 5pm you knew that there were no more consultation hours you had to visit and you surely would be awake again at 7pm to get some dinner in the refectory with the other patients from your dept., you didn't really get along with theme since all they did was taking you down even more when all they ever thought about was talking about how much they didn't like their lives – it was impossible for you to try to get better around here.

Just as you walk toward the elevators you see two guys entering the building walking towards the reception. You've never seen them around here and so you assume that the wanted to visit someone, they probably didn't know that visiting hours ended at 4 pm. You slowly walk a bit closer and try not to get noticed by them. From afar you can hear how the taller guy with very short kind of bleached hair asks the receptionist which the floor for the rehab department was and you wonder who they wanted to see there. The rehab center was one floor underneath your department which was specialized on personality disorders. The receptionist answers and you hear the other guy with an extremely silent and broken voice say "Thanks...alright" You see both guys hugging now. They're not letting go of each other for at least a minute and you begin to understand that one of these two must be a new patient here. As they untangle themselves from each other the guy with quiet messy dark brown longer hair turns around and suddenly directly looks into your direction – into your eyes – you stand there feeling totally awkward since you know he noticed you watching them. You feel like he looks at you for forever and it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. You look down to the floor acting like you were just passing by instead of watching them, heading over to the corridor next to the elevators – you had no idea where this corridor was going since you haven't been down here a lot except you wanted some stuff to read or to get some sweets. At one corner at the corridors end you lean onto the wall and turn around again and see the brown haired guy walking straight to the elevator. Just now you recognize how extremely pale and skinny he was, though he was about 8 meters away from you, you could clearly see that he was in a terrible state. Somehow you feel the need to stare at him for longer, he was carrying one big sports bag and in his left arm and a guitar case on his back. He was that skinny – you felt like you could almost look through him, it seemed like he wasn't touching the floor with his feet, it looked like he was floating above it. Looking at him made you feel bad – there were people in a state much worse than you and you still didn't get your ass up to do something for yourself.

You hear the "DING" of the elevator as it opens its door. Just right before the guy enters it you hear him say just loud enough for you to hear it " If you need to go upstairs feel free to join in " You feel your heart start beating way faster as you realize that - though he was neither looking at you nor was there anyone else down here except for the receptionist – he must have been talking to you. "N....no..umm.." you stumble but just then you hear the elevator door close.

You feel extremely embarrassed and feel yourself sliding town the fall ending up sitting on the floor, grabbing your knees. You are totally sure that he couldn't have been able to see you when you hid behind that corner and besides that he didn't really look like he had been mentally aboard. You come to the assumption that he must have been watching you too since he had notice you after the hug with his friend. Why the hell should he have been watching you?

You decide to get another coffee since you had a feeling of extreme nervousness since you saw this skinny pale guy walking into Cedars-Sinai you weren't able to take a nap now anyways. Somehow all of your tiredness had totally disappeared.

You couldn't help yourself but wonder who he actually was. You just couldn't get him and the way you felt when he looked right at you in the entrance hall off your mind. Though you feel kind of weird as you finally get into the elevator which now smelled like someone had just smoked one whole box of cigarettes in here you also feel kind of happy – it was the first time since a lot of months that you felt...at least something