MY SMILE IS A RIFLE

A doubt

So here's the new chapter! I'm afraid this one isn't as good as the last chapter, but I really really hope you'll enjoy this anyways, I have never written a chapter ' like that ' (you'll see...) before, so well.. I hope you don't hate it hahaha.

Please leave some feedback,it helps a lot and keeps up my motivation!

Love y'all Fru's <3

You sit in the refectory on a small table at the end of the hall, Sandy and Anna constantly starring at you and you're trying your best to ignore them while you just stare at the disgusting food on your tablet for another time. It was noon now and time for lunch but you felt sick and eating something was no opinion for you now.

A thousand thoughts are rushing through your brain. Does John feel the same way you do about him, when he thinks of you? Are you just a little love-affair to him he has going on to make time pass by faster while he was at this hospital? He sure had been with many girls when he was still in the Red Hot Chili Peppers, he was the youngest member and it was just too easy to imagine that all the girls would have dropped their panties for John.

Did you mean anything at all to him?

These thoughts were literally driving you crazy. Even though John had kissed you and told you how beautiful he thought you were that night you escaped from that guard (which just simply was a miracle!), suddenly you were full of doubts.

For you, it was undeniable,you had fallen in love with him head over heels. But as always,your low self-esteem made it hard for you to believe someone could actually love you back.

You can't take these annoying looks from Anna and Sandy anymore and just decide to get up without eating anything, you leave the refectory and walk through the corridor straight towards the smokers lounge. You sigh as you open the door. The past weeks you had got used to spotting some curly dark brown hair or weird flannel shirts and blouses through the glass door of the lounge, hair and clothes that simply belonged to John, but today was the first day the lounge was completely empty.

You feel even more sick now, you feel like you're getting worse again just by thinking of not seeing John that often anymore.

You sit down on a chair, put on a fag and put in the headphones of your Walkman and press play, the first chords of 'Hey You' by Pink Floyd start playing.

You feel desperate. You know that most of the worries and doubts in your head were just stupid pipe dreams but you were so afraid of losing John, you had lost enough loved people before and John was someone you really had a special connection to, he just needed to look at you and stroke your head and you were able to calm down again whenever you were upset about something.

You look out of the window onto the big park outside and wish you would sit right down there with John right now.

Suddenly you feel two cold hands touching your eyes from behind so you were blindfolded. You instantly pull out the headphones of your ears and grin widely. " Oh well, I already know it's you John"

- All at once you feel completely different from what you felt just one second before, you now feel huge happiness floating through you... John was here!–

"Damn Jo I wanted to surprise you....how could you know it was me?" He know lets go his soft cold hands off your face and sits down in the chair next to yours.

"Because your hands are always cold as fuck John, I'm sure you have some bad deficiency signs man" John grins, he kind of seems relieved about something and you know exactly what it is. John was invited to come down to the rehab center this morning so he could take a new look on the whole floor, talk to the doctors down there and get an overview about the whole rehab program. "So...how did the briefing downstairs go?" "Jo, it was great! I'm going to start my rehab on floor 3 tomorrow, I'm so happy and proud I'm finally getting started!" Even though you still feel sad about John leaving floor 5, you were happy for him, he really wanted to start a new life, you could see just in his eyes how ambitious he got about finally getting rid of all the thoughts about taking drugs or drugs in general the past 2 weeks you had spent with him. "Everything is going to be so perfect Jo, I can feel it.... When I came here I never would have thought that something...someone would make it that easy for me to be ready to start again. I was so into my drug addiction, when I came here I wasn't even ready to start a rehab, my friends basically forced me to come here again...and now, I slowly feel like I'm being born again"