MY SMILE IS A RIFLE

Been Insane

Hey,hello sweets. So here's the update you've been waiting for. PLEASE leave feedback because I didn't really get much the last time and I'm wondering if you really want me to continue this fanfic cause I know there are a lot better Frusciante Fanfics...

! I am sorry for this sad chapter,but I really wanted you to get to know Jolene a bit better and finally we get to know something about her past. I hope this chapter doesn't make anyone reading it feel bad or bring triggering thoughts,just remember this is not a story about depression, it's a frusciante fic and besides that it has a high personal meaning, everyone can make it out of the depth and into the sunshine somehow - I think John's story is the perfect example.

John will be back soon soooooon so don't freak out haha.

TAKE CARE!

FEEDBACK KIDS!!! I NEED IT

„ ...and If you're over there, call me instantly!" You're holding your best friend Rony in your arms and try hard not to cry. " Damn Jolene sure I will, I need to know how your story with your John-Boy continues!" You roll your eyes. How many times have you told your best friend not to call John like that? "But even more important I need to stay on track about how you're doing... you've come so far! No more self-harming or suicidal thoughts ever since you met... umm John" Rony grins at you stroking your left arm softly. She comes closer and quietly whispers into your ear " I'm so proud you made it Jolene. Just remember that I'll always be there for you if you need someone" You hug each other one last time as Rony finally gets into the Taxi and drives straight to the airport.

Her and her boyfriend Ben had decided to move together and Rony got a really good job offer over there in New York and so she decided to start a life at the east coast.

You keep waving after the taxi still as it's already long out of side. For a couple of minutes you just stand there on the streets of the small district of L.A you were living in and take a couple of deep breaths. You raise your hands to the sky and try hard not to cry. But then, you can't hold it back anymore. You had tried hard not to make Rony see your tears, but now that she was gone there was no more possibility to hide your fears – from her, from yourself, from anyone who could possibly be watching you.You just stand there,on the streets of L.A with a grey sky above you and tears rolling down your chin. For a couple of seconds you feel like the only living being in this universe.

You now were really alone. Alone in L.A, the city of angels?

You haven't spoken to your father for 6 years and you never want to meet him again since he was one of the main reasons for all the pain you had to go through in your childhood and youth. He used to beat you and your mum until you both weren't able to do nothing but lay in a corner of your small flat in Michigan, shivering, crying, basically wishing to be someone else or – just not existing at all.

Your mum? Killed herself on your 16th birthday. She just didn't wake up anymore after taking an overdose of sleeping pills. All the years of hearing the screams of her husband, seeing her child decay and hiding all these bruises were too much for her. You weren't sure how to feel about her now – she used to care for you when you were a kid but the older you got, the less she would show you love. Did anyone ever really care for you? Did she – your mum – even think about you, 'little Jolene who's going to steel everyone's heart' when she took all these pills? Did she hesitate about thinking to end her life because there was still, well, you? Did she know that she would leave you alone with an alcoholic father who beat you every time he possibly could, just to let his anger out?