Betrayals ✓ [Book 1 & 2]

Book 1 • Chapter 12 • Blood

I'm still silent, well the truth is that I have no idea what to say to them. I mean for God's sake they are royalty and what am I? I'm just someone who should have committed suicide a long time ago, I'm someone who everyone hates, someone that is alone and broken, someone who has no life, someone who is invisible. I'm not someone who should meet royalties and live with them, I mean I'm just a peasant to them, a peasant that everyone hates, who no one loves, not even my parents love me, both biological and adopted. I have to find a way out of this place but it will be impossible when there are so many guards, so what should I do. There are literally guard everywhere I look, except right now since James made them leave.

"What am I really doing here?" I ask them. This is not the first question I want answer to. I just felt like I'm not controlling what my mouth is saying at this moment and my mind is somewhere else then it should be.

I really just want to go home and live the normal life where I cut every day, eat nothing, and be invisible. Somehow I really miss my old life, I kinda did like it that way. I don't like this all rich stuff even if it is pretty, I don't know if I fit in this rich thingy stuff, I'm not pretty enough for all of this.

"We just want to give you a new start where no one can harm you and you don't need to harm yourself" Clara tells me. Why giving me a new start when it's too late to give me a new start. I'm going to kill myself sooner or later and I prefer sooner. I can't stop thinking about how Clara seems so familiar to me, it's like I know her but somehow I don't, I mean I have never met her before in my life so how can that be? I do not harm myself well I technically I harm myself but the only way to take away the pain is by harming myself. And now I feel like I'm going insane, now that I can't cut anymore. But don't worry, I will find a way. Somehow I always do.

"What if I don't want to have a new start?" I snap at them. I really want to get out of here but that would be rude, after all they helped me and saved me. Even if I didn't want to be saved in the first place.

"You have no other place to stay" James says. I have an epic idea and that idea is not going to fail. I just have to stay in this castle to make this plan work. The only thing I have to is stay here and trick them to tell me how to get out of here, and then I will somehow run away but that is problem I will solve later right now I have to find a way to get out of this endless castle. I don't want to be rude but I have to go and the only thing they have done to me is being kind, I'm not used to kindness and they are freaking royalty and I'm not, so why should they be this kind to me when I'm no one?

"Fine, I will stay" I tell them with a fake smile and by the looks on their faces, I think they buy it. They are smiling and Clara look at James and I can see that they are really in love. That makes me wonder if I would ever find love like this, get married and have children- Wait what? What am I saying? I will never find love, get married or have children, No one will ever love me. I mean who can love a girl with scars and is suicidal? No one would want to me so I don't really understand why I'm still alive, I need to find something to cut with, there is nothing in the room I can cut with. Clara walks to me stretches out her hand and I take her hand. She leads me out of the throne room and to another room that is huge and pretty. What room is this, How many rooms are in this huge castle, I need to count them sometimes. I will have to trick them to allow me to explore, that way it's easier to hide my true plan. Getting the hell out of here as soon as possible.

"This is the living room, you can do everything you want here and you can be here whenever you want to" She says smiling. This room is amazing, but I don't deserve to be in this room or in this castle. I will get out of here and then I can jump of that bridge and finally die. I just want to die and I will drown and when I do everyone will be happy that I'm gone for good. Jackson will find someone else and marry her, my mom and dad will live a happy life without me and finally Anna is going to marry someone and have a happy life like everyone else, except me. Clara leads me to another door and opens it. Inside is a library, a really huge library that is so beautiful. There literally could be every book this world has, that is how big this library is.