If You Would [h.s.] HOLD

Sixteen

Okay she^^^ is who I imagine Evelyn to look like. Dark hair. Tan. I think of her to be kinda curvy too. Just in case you're someone who likes visuals.

I sit in my bedroom alone and sniffling. I'm not crying anymore but my head is aching. When I got home everyone was already asleep which I was slightly glad about. I didn't want anyone to confront me about why I was crying or about the baby.

I regret meeting Harry tonight. It was something I didn't need and it ended up badly for both of us. Why can't I just let him in? Why does it have to be so hard for me to just talk about it? If I just told him none of this would have happened.

I don't think he would hit me. I really don't. But in the moment with my adrenaline pumping? It was a situation I knew too well and it was too much too soon. I lay back on my head and roll onto my side, facing the alarm clock. It was 1:00 AM and my phone starts going off. I look at it and it's Harry calling.

Fuck. For fucks sake. Why can't he just leave the situation alone for the night. He's probably just calling to yell at me. Or maybe he's calling to apologize. I stare at the name on my phone but right as I'm about to answer the phone the call ends. My hand goes to my forehead.

It shouldn't be this hard.

I go to put the phone back down but it starts ringing again. It's Harry calling once more. I wait a few rings before answering.

"Uhm. Hello?" As soon as the words come out of my mouth I feel the tears start to gather in my eyes again. Silence fills the other end and then a weak and broken voice fills the space.

"Y-you're married?" His voice cracks and my heart drops. How would he even know about any of that? Fuck fuck fuck. Panic starts rising in my chest. Then I realize I was silent for too long.

"So you are?" He speaks before I have the chance to.

"No! No I don't. I did. I was married but I'm not anymore. How did you know that? Who told you?" The words spill out of my mouth like vomit. I can feel my chest rising and falling harshly.

"So you're not married anymore? A guy named Randy was calling out for you when you left. We exchanged a few words. Said he was your husband." He didn't sound very convinced. But why would he trust me? I haven't told him anything. But I guess it was time to.

"Do you want to talk about this over the phone or tomorrow?" I sigh.

"I want to know what going on right now." He says in a slightly more stern voice. I sit up and take a deep breath. And then I tell him.

I tell him everything.

From the beginning of me and Randy's relationship to the bitter end. From the first time he said he loved me to the last time he hit me, that night. The night I never told anyone about except for Mak. I told him about the divorce which went surprisingly easily. And I told him about the restraining order. All of the details. He was silent and listening the whole time. When I was done with the entire two hour story I almost felt... better. Like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I flop back onto my bed, feeling lighter.

"So... yeah." I finish. Once again, silence fills the other end.

"Harry?" I wonder if he hung up a while ago and I've just been venting to myself.

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry." He finally says. I can hear the regret in his voice, which fills me with compunction. For what I don't know.

"It's okay, you didn't do anything." He didn't really do anything. I just over react I guess.

"No, I did. And it wasn't okay. I just wish I knew. But even though I didn't, I shouldn't have reacted that way or thought it was something minor. That was really big and I'm so proud of you for telling me." My lips curl into a smile when he says he's proud of me. It's been a while since anyone was proud of me.

"Uhm. Thank you?" I chuckle.

"But he was calling after you after we got into that big argument. What would he need you for? Especially with the restraining order." He wonders from the other side.

"I don't know. I saw him the other day and his new fiancé approached me saying he changed. I don't believe her though." I shrug my shoulders even though he can't see me.

"He shouldn't be approaching you like that. Or his girlfriend." His voice changes to defensive which makes me smile.

"Well nothing came of it tonight at least. It'll be okay. I don't think he'll do anything to me."

"I knew I didn't like him as soon as we made eye contact Evie. I don't want you around him. If you see him, walk in the opposite direction okay?" He pleads with me.

"I'm not afraid of him anymore, I don't want him to think I am." Randy has been pretty ballsy to be around me as much as he has been. It's only been twice but still, I hadn't seen him in forever before that and now I've seen him twice in the past two weeks.

"Just... please. For me? I know thats cliche but please. He was giving me weird vibes. And it was midnight and he was trying to talk to you? That's sketchy."

I guess he was right.

"Okay. Fine. I'm sure you're right. He probably hasn't changed."

Neither of us respond for a moment. And then my moms secret pops into my head.

"Uh Harry? There's something else I wanna talk about..." I don't really know if I want to talk about it but I feel like I should. And he should hear about it now before something else happens and he thinks I'm keeping a secret from him.

"Yeah Evie, anything." His eagerness to know shows through his voice.

"My mom... the reason she visited is because she's pregnant." The words leave my mouth. For the first time in forever I told someone else something before I told Mak. I hear him gasp lightly.

"Oh. How old is she." He blurts out.

"Like 52. Too old to be having a baby."

"I mean as long as she's healthy..." I roll my eyes at his words.

"You don't think she should abort?" I know it's harsh but I'm much more concerned over my mother life than the zygote who can't even think.

"Not if she doesn't want to. Just support her through this. That's all you can do." His advice annoys me but he's right. What can I do but be supportive? I sigh.

"Okay... you're right. What are you doing tomorrow?" I just want to change the subject.

"We're starting to get things ready for the next state..." He says with sadness. I totally forgot that he's touring, as hard as that is to believe.

"Oh..." is all I can manage to say.

"I mean we can fly you up for all the concerts. We only have three more states left then I'm all yours I swear." I smile at the thought of going to all of his concerts.

"Luckily for us, Zayn is staying with us until the end of the tour." He finishes.

"Yeah that's good... and I'd love to come to all of your concerts. Do you think the media will start putting two and two together soon? Especially since that one guy took our picture before... everything went down." I heard him shuffling around on the other end.

"Uhm... yeah. Probably. Do you not want them to?"

"No, of course I don't care. I mean.. if you don't...?" I'm going to feel really stupid if he doesn't want the media to know.

"No. I think they should. But they can figure it out on their own."

I smile. He wants them to know. It's like we're slowly becoming more and more official. None of us have popped the question but I can feel us getting there. Harry has a reputation for being a heart breaker, and when I first met him I believed the rumors. But now, after a month, I can tell that none of it is true. He was a huge heart and cares a lot about his fans and about me. I smile at the thought of how good of a guy he actually is.

"Okay... goodnight Harry." I hear him smile against the phone.

"Goodnight Evelyn."

For the first time in forever... my full name doesn't bother me coming from a mans mouth. He's giving me a lot of first time in forevers. And I'm actually enjoying it.