If You Would [h.s.] HOLD

Thirty-Six

I abruptly sit up in bed, choking and gasping for air. Every gasp in brings a wave of pain through my throat. I grip the sheets around me and finally gain my barring. I slow my breaths and take in a deep breath, it hurts but I get it though. My hand goes up to touch my throat but I pull back instantly when I sharp pain erupts through my warm neck. I look around and see the same run down room I was in before, the one I thought was a dream.

This isn't a dream. This is real life. Randy is here somewhere. I look at the bedroom door and hop out of bed and approach the door. I reach for the handle and twist, I wasn't surprised when it didn't budge.

"Fuck." My voice comes out raspy and it stings to speak. My heart feels like someone has their fist tightly squeezed around it, like Randy's fingers around my throat. I walk up to the curtains that I looked through yesterday. The windows were still boarded up and I see that it's dark now. Tears start to well up in my eyes. I look down at my hands and see that they're shaking. I turn around and lean against the wall and close my eyes. How did I get here? I bang my head against the wall. It stung but it also felt good for some reason. Like I have control over my own pain. I bang my head against the wall again, but slightly harder.

Maybe I can bang my head hard enough that it'll kill me. I'd rather be dead than be here with Randy. I hit my head even harder against the wall. I hear footsteps outside of my door and the door knob jiggle before opening. I don't even open my eyes, I don't want to see his fucking face. Tears well up under my eyelids.

"So you're awake again?" Randy's voice fills up the empty room.

"Mhm." I was afraid to not answer him and set him off again.

"I- uhm. Brought you dinner. It might be a little hard to swallow so it's pretty much just mashed potatoes and soup." He walks closer to me and my eyes fly open in fear and I scoot closer to the wall. He holds a wide plate with a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy and what looks and smells like chicken and noodle soup. He freezes when my eyes open and he raises his eyebrow.

"Listen, I know I scared you earlier and I'm sorry. I just had to get you to listen. I won't make you listen to me tonight, I know I probably should have waited another few days but she thought I should just get it over with." I raise my eyebrows when he says "she". There's someone else here? I look at the door that's standing wide open. I could run for it. But Randy is standing right between it and I. I look back into Randy's eyes, they're their regular brown.

"She? Who else is here?" My curiosity shows through my words. The words feel like they're scratching themselves out of my throat, you can hear the noticeable rasp. He sighs and walks forward and past me to set the plate on the bedside table before facing me.

"I should wait until she wants to come in here and talk to you." He shrugs and walks up to me slowly and cautiously, like I'm a scared bird.

I try and shove myself further into the wall as if I could blend in and disappear from his sight.

"Evelyn I'm really sorry for yesterday, that was the wrong way to handle things and I hope you can forgive me." He gets less than a foot away from me and our eyes are glued together. I try to read him and his emotions like I used to be able to do but I can't. I can't see anything in his eyes. No emotion at all. He reaches his hand forward and I flinch away slightly but afraid to set him off again. He pauses before continuing and cradling my face in his hand.

"Please try and eat." He nearly whispers in what anyone would think is a caring voice, but I know him better than that. He wipes the tear that fell from my eye with his thumb and gives a side smile before turning around and walking out of the door. I hear him lock it from the other side. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding in. I slouch from my upright position and walk over to the plate of food. It looks normal and it looks good. It has to have been 24 hours since I've eaten. The smell causes my stomach to growl and I pick up the spoon for the soup. I take the spoon up to my nose and smell it, I wouldn't be surprised if someone drugged it. Who cooked this? Randy can't cook for shit. It must be the woman who's here.

Who is she? Does she know who I am or did Randy set her up to this? Maybe she can help me out of here. Maybe he has her captive here too?

I didn't smell anything wrong with the soup so I take it to my mouth and greedily swallow the warm liquid. It burns going down and I wince at the sharp pain. The soup actually tastes delicious and I don't hesitate to eat another spoon full.

It takes a while but I finally finish the soup and move onto the potatoes. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating. The potatoes are plain but they taste so good. They seem to coat my throat, making it easier to eat. I finished the whole meal within another minute. I take the glass of water that was sitting on the table from earlier and take a sip of it as well.

My full belly catches up to me and I realize I have to pee. I look around and realize there's no bathroom here. I stand up and explore the room some more. There's that closet door? Maybe that's a bathroom? Maybe I don't have a bathroom and they will make me piss and shit in a bucket. I open the closet door and to my surprise and joy, it's a bathroom.

It's actually kind of clean. I see the toilet and beside it is a roll of toilet paper. Thank god. I rush in and do my business. The toilet flushes, and hopefully the sink works as well. I walk up to the sink and notice a small mirror above it that I hadn't noticed in my rush in. I look up into my reflection and gasp at the sight.

My long hair was ratted and there were noticeable bags under my eyes. But the most shocking thing is the finger shaped purple bruises around my throat. There's more purple and black than skin color. I reach my hand up and touch the bruise again, it still hurts. I sigh and look away from the horrific sight. I'm ashamed to be used to those bruises. It's not the first time Randy had choked me. I turn on the faucet and water runs over my hands. It's cold but it's nice. I wash my hands with a half used bar of soap on the counter and splash water on my face. The only thing this bathroom was missing was a shower or a bathtub.

I leave the bathroom without looking at my disgusting appearance again. I sit back on the bed and curl up to myself while looking around the dark room.

Realization hits me like a brick.

Harry and Mak, the boys, my parents, do they know I'm missing? They have to. Are they looking for me? God I miss them. I put my face in between my knees and before I know it, tears and sobs escape me. I was just taken right from under them. They must feel so guilty.

Out of everyone, I miss Harry the most. I hope he's looking for me. A part of me day dreams that he breaks into this house and carry's me out to safety like in a movie. But my realistic side doesn't let me forget that that won't happen.

I'll probably die here.