STARGAZER

CHAPTER 18: STARGAZER

(DAY 15, LAST DAY IN TORONTO)

Maybe I fell in love, when you woke me up. Were the lyrics I woke up to. He was sitting up at the end of the bed with the sun shining in through the shades. It was so bright, like the sun was only hitting him. His thumbs were strumming lightly on the strings. 

The sun was hitting his face and his paleness was more pronounce. His eyes almost translucent when they looked up at me smiling. 

"Sorry, If I woke you up." He whispered slowly with a smile. 

"No." I cleared my throat. "You didn't."

I wish I knew how he felt about me right now. Like, when he smiles at me. I want to know if he thinks he has his world in front of me, or if i'm not important. I mean, I know i'm important to him but I want to know how much I mean to him. I want to know if he'd die for me or save himself. If he is so in love with me he'd do anything and everything for me. 

But right now he's looking at me smiling and I feel nothing. I am numb. He is too perfect, and I don't deserve him.

He put his guitar down and rolled over on his stomach close to me. My shirt was half way up my stomach, so he started doodling fake lines and squiggles on my skin with his finger. It tickled but I didn't want to ruin this moment with my girlish laughter. We stayed there for a few minutes and then he looked up at me. 

"You know, any girl i've been with never let me touch them like you." He said quietly.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well. I just sat here touching your stomach and you didn't care. All the other girls were almost.. uncomfortable." He said.

"Really? I mean one thing I've learned from therapy to trust those you love. And if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you?" I replied.

He paused a moment taking it all in, and then looked up back at me. 

"I love you, you know." He said. "I love you because you're so real."

I loved hearing those words coming out of his mouth. I loved feeling the warmth in the pit of my stomach and getting the butterflies. 

"I love you too." I whispered back to him, but before I could finish 'too' his lips smashed against mine. His lips were soft on mine but then became intense. I started smiling and let out a small laugh but he just kept on kissing me. His hand on my side, gripping onto my shirt so tight, and his other hand on my cheek. My tongue lightly on his lower lip, but then I stopped. I can't want him this much. Not now. 

"Why." He asked, breathless.  

I caught my breath and answered "Why what?"

"Why do you love me." 

"Because, you're free." 

*  *  *  *

"I just need to do this Bea. I need to." I said to her, down at our room while Niall was in the shower.

"Okay, but how will we ditch the tour. I'm so nervous they'll call out parents." She said worried.

"No. Listen. We'll say we want to go home, they'll put us on the plane, and then when they leave we'll leave with the boys instead. Easy!" 

"I don't know about this.."

"COME ON BEA, you're always the party hardy girl, that does whatever she wants. Come on." 

"ALRIGHT, as long as we get home the days we're supposed too. I don't want to leave Harry any more then you want to leave Niall.. but we have to at some point." 

She was right. I'm not going to be with him every day. He's going to be done with the tour.. and i'm going to be in America. He's going to be so far away, but I try not to think about it.

*  *  *  *

"We need to go home." I blurted out to our counsler. She was taken back.

"Why. We have one more stop can't you make it?" She said not looking up from her clipboard. 

"No. We're sick of the paparazzi and we just want to go home." We replied. I tried acting a little sad about it but I kind of suck at it.

"Fine. I'll email you your tickets and you'll leave tonight." She said shutting her hotel room door in our faces. I kind of feel like she's jealous of us.. or just a rude person in general. Could be both.

We both stood there at the closed door and turned to each other hugging. 

"This will be the best." I whispered in her hair. 

"I know. I love you Soph."

"I love you too Bea. Forever." 

*  *  *  *

I was on the balcony of his hotel room. I must have been day dreaming looking down at the cars speeding down the busy road because I didn't even hear Niall open the door. I had my hands on the handles when I looked over and down at the bar across the road. It was quiet loud. I felt his arms wrap around me as he put his head in the crook of my neck from behind. We swayed back and forth and I looked back at him.

"You ready?" He said smiling. 

"Yeah. I am." I replied kissing him on the lips. 

We held hands to the door taking one last glance at the room. Harry and Bea were already downstairs in the car and the other boys were rushing around getting last minute things. 

"OH COME ON LOUIS HURRY UP." Paul yelled into the other room.

"Oh jeez he takes forever. I'll just bring you guys down and i'll come back up to get him." He said shaking his head but then smiling a little bit. 

We walked to the front of the hotel instead of the back because there weren't many girls out there. One girl with long blonde hair stood there, she was gorgeous. She took Niall's shoulder and fluttered her eye lashes at him.

"Could I please have a picture with you?" She said, obviously flirting. It was so obvious and it kind of made me mad but I kept my cool.. But the thing was she asked me to take the photo. She didn't even ask politely she just handed the camera to me and said "Take it." 

I took it though, keeping a smile on my face. She didn't thank me, so I grabbed Niall's arm before she could say another word and gave her a dirty look. I'm usually not like that, but it pissed me off! I really need to get used to sharing him to all his fans or i'm going to get a bad reputation, i'll get hate more then I've already gotten. 

We sat in the car with Harry, Bea, and Liam while we waited for Louis. He came a few minutes after and slid in on the seat. "Jesus, couldn't get away from them.." he said in his high voice. I laughed.

There weren't any photos taken with me in it, so at least I know my teen tour thinks i'm going home now. 

"Where to next?" I said to Niall laying my head on his shoulder.

"We're going back to New York." 

"Where in New York?"

"Manhattan." He said. I was going home. 

"Niall. I live there." 

____________________________________

sorry it's a little short. D: