The Jungle Girl

2-The Bus

  When I step onto the bus I immediately regret my decision of not going back for that poptart. The air is musty, humid, and smells like complete ass. Everyone's talking. Or, their version of talking, which is more like screaming. Some kids are sitting there looking like they'd rather bang their head against a wall. Same.

I make my way to the back of the bus and feel my face tug into a smile when I see Alaia sitting in the last seat with her backpack next to her. I've known Alaia since fifth grade and she is my everything. She's the only person besides Zenny that I can be completely myself around.

You know sometimes there are those people that you swear were put on this earth to be your guardian angel? Because that's what Alaia is to me. We met the first day of fifth grade. I was sitting at my desk, not talking to anyone like always, and she comes up to me and just starts talking. She talked about her life, her hobbies, what her favorite books are. Everything. I didn't say much back, but it felt nice for someone to acknowledge my existence. People just always assume that since I'm quiet I have no interest in having a conversation. That's not true. I'm a great listener and I love learning about people. I just don't know how to start a conversation. Or continue a conversation. Or end a conversation. And I wonder why people think I'm standoffish.

Alaia sees me and moves her backpack.

"Hey, girl," she says to me when I sit down. She looks gorgeous as always, her hijab framing her tanned face perfectly and her deep lipstick making her teeth look straight out of a movie they're so white. I suddenly find myself feeling insecure about my leggings and baseball tee. But, I'm quickly brought out of that mind set when Alaia smiles at me while shaking my shoulders.

"First day of the rest of your life," she beams. "How do you feel?"

"Honestly," I say to her tentatively.

"Actually, no don't," she stops me by putting a hand in my face. "You'll just freak yourself out even more. You'll be fine. I promise. You've survived at least eight first days. What's another one?"

I'm about to tell her that the other eight first days didn't require me to go to a new school the size of a fucking museum and work with kids who are four years older. Four years might not seem like a lot, but there's a huge difference between fourteen and eighteen. But, before I can get a word in she starts talking again.

"I'm not gonna let you answer that because I know you'll just say some negative shit. Come one, Bindi! It's the first day. It's not like you'll have that much time to completely embarrass yourself."

I give her an unamused look. "I'm just...scared. I mean, you know me. If I have a problem I won't be able to just go up to someone and ask for help. Like, remember that time in seventh grade when I burned myself with chemicals in science but didn't say anything because the teacher was talking to another student?"

She nods. "Or when you were about to throw up from running so much in gym but the teacher said one more lap so you got halfway and threw up in your hands?"

"Exactly," I say solemnly.

We look at each other and start laughing at the memories. It felt good to laugh. I almost forgot that we were on a bus full of kids. It was as though it was just me, Alaia, and our memories.

But, that poetic moment quickly turns to shit when our bus stops in front of the high school. There is a huge sign that reads 'Welcome Back' on the front of the building. Everyone starts shoving to get off of the bus. Alaia and I stay seated until everyone else is off to avoid being trampled like Mufasa. Too soon? But, it's been over twenty years... Still to soon.

Alaia grabs my trembling hand and I can't help but be grateful that I found a friend who is willing to look past my sweaty palms. We start walking toward the front doors. The sun is annoyingly bright. I always like it when it's dark and gloomy out before school because it represents my mood, so seeing the sun shining and kids walking around laughing and hugging is making me even more bitter. How can they be in a good mood? Why do they get to walk around all careless and happy while I had be cursed with anxiety and shyness? How is that fair? I know it's not their fault, but seeing someone starting a casual conversation with a stranger or being able to ask for directions without having to force themselves to open their mouths and just goddamn speak like I do is a little frustrating.

Alaia stops a few feet from the front doors. "Are you ready?" she asks.

My mouth is too dry to speak so I give her a look that hopefully says 'are you fucking kidding me?'

She shoots me a sympathetic look and gives my hand a squeeze. We step in the school together. There are kids walking in every direction and there's barely enough room to breathe. We take out our schedules. I realize that this is it. Every man for himself. Okay, that might be a little dramatic.

Alaia hugs me and looks me in the eye. "Don't hesitate to call me. No matter how small the problem. Got it?"

I nod even though we both know that even if I did have a problem I'd be too proud to call her. She gives my shoulders one final squeeze and walks away.

Okay, guess it's time to get to my first class.

I start walking. I stop abruptly when I realize that I have no clue where it is. Room 217. It shouldn't be that hard to find. I could always ask someone...pfff nah. I got this.