The Jungle Girl

28- The Snickers Bar

I wake up with a puffy face thanks to the 3am sobbing session I had with Zenny. After a cup of hot chocolate and an episode of The Office, we went back to bed. I fell asleep pretty quickly which always happens after I cry. I didn't even hear my alarm clock go off, I was sleeping so deep. Zenny woke me up with a gentle shake which was much different from her usual screaming. She gave me the option of staying home, but I chose to go to school which is something Bindi a year ago would never do. But, it's a Friday so I figured I'll survive one day as a zombie. And the fact that Ryan still has my writing might have something to do with it.

I've calmed down at the thought of him reading it. If he hated it, fine. If you look up reviews of even the most beloved books you'll still find people saying they hated it. Writing is subjective. I have to get that through my mind if I want this whole author thing to work out.

I take a seat next to Alaia on the bus. She takes one look at me and takes her concealer out of her bag.

"It's gonna be a bit dark," she compares the color to my skin, "ok, very dark, you need some sun, girl, but you'll deal."

I let out a tired laugh as she rubs the product under my eyes and sets it with translucent powder with a sponge she always keeps in her bag.

"Thanks, Alaia," I say once she's done. "It was a long night."

"Are you ok? Was it because you gave your writing to Ryan?"

I make a face at her. "No. Well... it started with that, but then I started thinking about Momma and..." I trail off.

Alaia gives me a sympathetic look. "You could've called me."

"I know," I tell her, truthfully. "I had Zenny though. And it was 3am."

"Doesn't matter," she says. "I still would've answered."

"I know," I say again.

The bus arrives and I take a breath. "Here's to hoping to Ryan doesn't totally crush my esteem."

Alaia rolls her eyes. "Bindi, you know he probably loved it."

"But if he didn't I want him to tell me. I need criticism, I need feedback. But at the same time... ugh why did I give him the fucking papers," I groan. "Why didn't you stop me?"

Alaia pulls her head back as if I've offended her. "Excuse me, I don't think even a punch in the face would've stopped you from giving him the writing when he batted those lashes."

"What?! What do you mean?"

Alaia snorts. "Nothing. Other than that boy has eyelashes to die for."

"Hm, I've never noticed."

"Mhm, sure. Bye, Bindi," she waves goodbye when the first bell rings, leaving me with my mouth hanging open.

I huff out a breath and head towards my science class. By the time I get there, my palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti...ok done. The only thing on my mind is getting that damn writing back and making sure I never give him my writing again because the amount of stress this simple action has caused is stupid.

I enter the class and see Ryan already sitting at his seat, drawing in his notebook like always. I get to my seat and take my backpack off. He sees me and immediately shuts his notebook and puts it away. He looks at me when I sit down and gives me a tight smile that reminds me of the one he gave me when I came back after the panic attack.

He opens his mouth to say something but quickly shuts it. He clasps his hands together and looks around with wide eyes like he forgot something. I don't say anything, but watch him with curiosity. What an interesting specimen.

He looks back to me and points a finger at me. "Your writing. I have it, don't worry. I kept it in a folder, very neat, I know. Shay made me promise to not wrinkle it or spill anything on it, which I wouldn't have even if she didn't tell me not to, but it's best not to piss off the ice queen, you know, so I was extra careful," he says.

He moves his backpack onto his lap and starts ruffling through it. Papers on papers on papers. Absolutely no folders. How does he keep his homework organized? Oh wait, I forgot who I'm talking about. He probably doesn't.

After a second of looking, he finally pulls out a folder with a triumphant grin. He sets his backpack down and puts the folder on his desk like it's his precious. He rubs his hands together and cracks his knuckles. "You ready?" he asks me.

I'm confused but I nod with hesitation. He opens the folder. "Boom!" Several people turn to look at him, but he doesn't seem to care. He points at the papers. "This right here," he continues, "Is the first piece of writing that I have actually enjoyed reading in about two years."

I look down while my face heats up, but I can't keep the small smile from my face. Before I can say anything he continues talking, almost in a rush, like he needs to get the words out.

"So," he pulls a snickers bar from his hoodie pocket, "this is a gift from my older sister who claims you're her new hero for getting me to read something and actually like it."

He told his sister about me?

I take the chocolate. "Thank you."

His smile grows bigger. "I re-" he starts before the bell cuts him off. Ms.Franny shoots him a look and he shuts up. I put the candy in my bag and try to focus on the lesson instead of the giddy, weird ass feeling in my stomach.

At the end of class, I'm gathering my things when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Ryan with his hand outstretched, holding my writing.

I almost facepalm right then and there. How did I forget to take my writing back? I was so focused on that stupid candy bar, that's why.

I take it from him and mutter a sorry. He frowns.

"Why are you sorry?"

I pause. Why am I sorry? "...I don't know."

He lets out a laugh and looks at me with a cocked head. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds and I almost turn around when he speaks.

"I really did like your writing. I'm not just saying that, or anything." He rubs his hand on the back of his neck. "I know that it's hard to give your work to someone. Or it probably is, I don't know..."

I think of always seeing him draw. Always doodling that one doodle. Maybe he does know.

"Thanks," I say. "I..." The wall comes up again. I let out a frustrated sigh that he hopefully doesn't notice. "Thanks," I say again.

I turn around and walk towards the door before he can respond. Why is my brain so annoying? I can't even talk like a normal human. How am I ever gonna get a job if I'm like this?

Stop. Just stop. It's ok, you're ok, everything's ok.

With those words in mind, I continue my day.  

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To the, like, two of you that read this- what's your favorite candy bar?

Byee <3